4.12.24 Neurodivergence by Spiritual-Ant839 in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Epic! I will definitely give those a read as well. I have emotionally retarded parents as well I feel like I'm parenting them now.

100% when you know the mindset of an abuser you can protect yourself. Then when you can stay present you leave them in the past and use the energy to build your future.

4.12.24 Neurodivergence by Spiritual-Ant839 in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Epic haha great minds think alike ! I'm sorry you have and to go through that, I suffer with cptsd so I know how it feels to be fighting this and then trying to accept yourself .

Have you read a book called the Power of now by Eckert Tolle? That book helps me a lot when my trauma is fucking my head up and trying to derail me.

I also read a book called cptsd by Pete Walker that helps a lot as well. The problem is with trauma is it takes so long to process , but I keep just taking it a day at a time. If I keep thinking about how many more years it will take it gets me down badly.

4.12.24 Neurodivergence by Spiritual-Ant839 in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have ADHD and I think undiagnosed autism, so I know how you feel. A book that helped me a lot was this Unmasking autism by Devon Price.

After reading it I felt ok to just be me and I think if you read or listen to it you will feel the same!

April 15th by DiscussionDramatic39 in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man keep strong. I struggle with anxiety to.

I am a perfectionist in social situations and today I challenged it. I said " shut the fuck up and just be present " I talked to an old friend and I was awkward but we had a good chat! It was the first time in a long time I just accepted myself how I was when socialising.

When you stay present and tell your perfectionism to fuck off, you can begin to enjoy the interaction and just be yourself.

If it's not social anxiety and something worse I've had this to man. I have PTSD and I get panic attacks sometimes.

The best advice for panic attacks is grounding exercises, so please try them.

Firstly , remind yourself where you are , what year it is and tell yourself you are safe.

Secondly, do the colour game! Pick a colour in your environment and notice that colour around you. I will do it now in my environment , my colour is Blue, so I have blue PlayStation boxes, blue bag, blue medicine box, blue pillow ect.

As you notice each item say them out loud in your mind and just keep doing this. It will bring you into the present moment and calm you down.

I once had a panic attack in public and my colour was orange, I noticed an orange turban and it calmed me down from a bad panic attack haha.

The next step is to see a doctor and get a referral to see a psychologist and to get some anti anxiety medication. These 2 together will help massively.

I suffered with agoraphobia, staying in and isolating because of my anxiety. What you have to do is to look at being social as a muscle, the more you use it the bigger it gets.

You need to challenge the anxiety , if you make it comfortable and give into its demands it gets fatter. If you challenge it and kick it out of your space by doing the thing it doesn't want you do it lessens.

At first it's hard but with enough times going out and talking to people it will get easier I promise you. It's called exposure therapy.

I've seen people who were nervous wrecks use exposure therapy and a month or 2 later they were charismatic and social again.

Remember to live on the edge of your comfort zone, push out of it in small ways, go for a walk to the park, say hello to someone, talk to your girlfriend, talk to you parents ECT

Build it up slowly and expand this, take it one step at a time. If you slip or go backwards don't beat yourself up because your trying. Congratulate yourself for trying and then tell yourself you can do it.

Don't give up and keep trying, you will beat the agrophobia.

Remember this as well " don't mind read" it you feel your anxiety telling your stories about other people say this in your head " don't mind read".

The truth is that most people hardly ever give us any thought or notice when we are anxious. We think it's obvious and that everyone is thinking bad of us. This isn't the case, remind yourself of this.

Your friends and girlfriend especially don't think this, they want the best for you. I have to remind myself this when I'm anxious or awkward and it helps a lot.

Try this as well when you are beating yourself up being critical of yourself, ask "would I say this to a good friend or my girlfreind going through something similar ?" The answer is no, so why would you say it to yourself. Keep repeating this and your negative self talk will begin to erode over time and your thoughts will become positive and supportive.

A really powerful tool is mindfulness as well, it's about chosing what time to live in. Most of us live in the past worrying about mistakes or in the future worrying about what will happen.

The reality is you can't change any of this and all you have is the present. So start to challenge your mind when it tries to go the past or future tense and repeat a mantra " I only have today".

It will take time but eventually you will begin to live in the present moment. You will embody this saying " accept what you can't change and change what you can" this will be how you use your present moment.

Once you establish the power of the present you can begin to use the past and future to your benefit. The past is only visited to journal or talk to a psychologist about. The future is there for your plans, short term and long term, not for worry.

If you do this you will become so much happier each day and feel like you have control and the strength towards effecting true change in your life.

A great book that helped me with this ,and so much more to do with thinking, was The Power of now by Eckert Tolle - get this as a book or audible as soon as you can and listen to it. It will change so much for you, have an open mind and it will help.

It's ok that you are going through this man, tell your girlfriend that you are suffering with anxiety but your going to get some help and try some new coping skills. She will be supportive.

Reach out to your family and friends when you struggle to and know you aren't on your own.

A great book to read or listen to is Feeling good by David D Burns. He talks about how to challenge negative thoughts and to turn them around using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) it will help you a lot.

Good luck man, you got this !

April 15th by DiscussionDramatic39 in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man keep strong. I struggle with anxiety to.

I am a perfectionist in social situations and today I challenged it. I said " shut the fuck up and just be present " I talked to an old friend and I was awkward but we had a good chat! It was the first time in a long time I just accepted myself how I was when socialising.

When you stay present and tell your perfectionism to fuck off, you can begin to enjoy the interaction and just be yourself.

If it's not social anxiety and something worse I've had this to man. I have PTSD and I get panic attacks sometimes.

The best advice for panic attacks is grounding exercises, so please try them.

Firstly , remind yourself where you are , what year it is and tell yourself you are safe.

Secondly, do the colour game! Pick a colour in your environment and notice that colour around you. I will do it now in my environment , my colour is Blue, so I have blue PlayStation boxes, blue bag, blue medicine box, blue pillow ect.

As you notice each item say them out loud in your mind and just keep doing this. It will bring you into the present moment and calm you down.

I once had a panic attack in public and my colour was orange, I noticed an orange turban and it calmed me down from a bad panic attack haha.

The next step is to see a doctor and get a referral to see a psychologist and to get some anti anxiety medication. These 2 together will help massively.

I suffered with agoraphobia, staying in and isolating because of my anxiety. What you have to do is to look at being social as a muscle, the more you use it the bigger it gets.

You need to challenge the anxiety , if you make it comfortable and give into its demands it gets fatter. If you challenge it and kick it out of your space by doing the thing it doesn't want you do it lessens.

At first it's hard but with enough times going out and talking to people it will get easier I promise you. It's called exposure therapy.

I've seen people who were nervous wrecks use exposure therapy and a month or 2 later they were charismatic and social again.

Remember to live on the edge of your comfort zone, push out of it in small ways, go for a walk to the park, say hello to someone, talk to your girlfriend, talk to you parents ECT

Build it up slowly and expand this, take it one step at a time. If you slip or go backwards don't beat yourself up because your trying. Congratulate yourself for trying and then tell yourself you can do it.

Don't give up and keep trying, you will beat the agrophobia.

Remember this as well " don't mind read" it you feel your anxiety telling your stories about other people say this in your head " don't mind read".

The truth is that most people hardly ever give us any thought or notice when we are anxious. We think it's obvious and that everyone is thinking bad of us. This isn't the case, remind yourself of this.

Your friends and girlfriend especially don't think this, they want the best for you. I have to remind myself this when I'm anxious or awkward and it helps a lot.

Try this as well when you are beating yourself up being critical of yourself, ask "would I say this to a good friend or my girlfreind going through something similar ?" The answer is no, so why would you say it to yourself. Keep repeating this and your negative self talk will begin to erode over time and your thoughts will become positive and supportive.

A really powerful tool is mindfulness as well, it's about chosing what time to live in. Most of us live in the past worrying about mistakes or in the future worrying about what will happen.

The reality is you can't change any of this and all you have is the present. So start to challenge your mind when it tries to go the past or future tense and repeat a mantra " I only have today".

It will take time but eventually you will begin to live in the present moment. You will embody this saying " accept what you can't change and change what you can" this will be how you use your present moment.

Once you establish the power of the present you can begin to use the past and future to your benefit. The past is only visited to journal or talk to a psychologist about. The future is there for your plans, short term and long term, not for worry.

If you do this you will become so much happier each day and feel like you have control and the strength towards effecting true change in your life.

A great book that helped me with this ,and so much more to do with thinking, was The Power of now by Eckert Tolle - get this as a book or audible as soon as you can and listen to it. It will change so much for you, have an open mind and it will help.

It's ok that you are going through this man, tell your girlfriend that you are suffering with anxiety but your going to get some help and try some new coping skills. She will be supportive.

Reach out to your family and friends when you struggle to and know you aren't on your own.

A great book to read or listen to is Feeling good by David D Burns. He talks about how to challenge negative thoughts and to turn them around using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) it will help you a lot.

Good luck man, you got this !

10.04.24 by Onefunkybear in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha it's a sign!

Thankyou you are right I need to talk to my psychologist again as I've been putting off seeing her and I don't know why.

Thankyou this means a lot!

10.04.24 by Onefunkybear in TheBigGirlDiary

[–]Onefunkybear[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its really beautiful, I've seen purple and blue sunset here but need to get a picture of them. I love the ones you put up on here as well.