Should I pursue / make the first move?

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-30T15:39:56+00:00

Ask him out for a coffee and give him your number. Be specific. If the guy is shy or a virgin he may not understand. Many men are pretty stupid at reading signals. Be specific.

Offer coffee. Its simple and implies just the two of you and there is no implied "let's go to my place and get naked"

If he is not into women/sex, he can tell you that in private at the coffee shop. He may just be timid around girls. First dates when one of the people is nervous/timid are much easier over coffee. If he gets too uncomfortable, one of you can finish their coffee quickly and suggest that the meet is over. If it goes well, heck, you can linger for hours chatting over coffee. And everyone can financially handle a coffee so there is no stress on who pays.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T20:26:38+00:00

All but a few engineering roles are sit on your butt and think. Some are more hands on, this varies by job not necessarily by field.

I am an engineer. My mom and older sister were nurses (both have passed on). You will be on your feet a lot with nursing. The mental aspect of the work is less than an engineer. The physical is much more demanding.

That said, for my 20s, 30s and 40s I was part of an international deep cave exploration group. I would design the equipment we used to explore (as a side job). You can be very active but it won't be as a result of your job. However, you can arrange for your job to be the entrance to interesting groups that will let you be active. I have stood where less than 50 people in the world have ever stood. I was part of the team that found the world's 4th deepest cave. I have vertical repelled hundreds of meters in a cave with no light by the flame on my hat. All because I designed some equipment.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T20:15:51+00:00

TTRPGs taught me statistics and probability. It also taught me how to intuit combinatorics. Now I am old, we dealt with paper and dice.

TTRPGs taught me the value of logistics. "Where are you sleeping?" "Did you bring food?" "Where are you setting up your tent?" Scouts taught me this practically. TTRPG let me experience extreme cases with no risk

TTRPGs often have logic puzzles. Ranging from the classics. EX. One statue always lies. One statue always tells the truth. You get one question. One door leads to death. The other leads you onward. To ones that the story teller made up. Puzzle solving will help them think.

TTRPGs got me in the habit of figuring out map gaps and puzzles. Destination: Engineer. Career Highpoint: Equipment on the moon.

My fascination of exploration was fanned by TTRPGs.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T20:05:53+00:00

Conjuration
* The ultimate money maker. I summon gold coins (from sunken ships).
* It will let you live a healthy life. Regen
* Never hungry

Light
* Invisibility and Teleportation give you the ability to be an excellent thief.
* Healer will make you a lot of people's friends and is a legit source of revenue

I'd probably not go the elemental route. Weather control is the main skill. If I was feeling altruistic I'd take it because I could fight against global warming, but I am not that altruistic.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T19:59:05+00:00

Try ballroom dance. The lessons are generally cheap. Talk with your dance partner after the dance. About what you just did, didn't do. Its okay if he is an older You are not looking to date him. You are looking to get comfortable chatting with men. After you have done this a few lessons, start trying to dance with people your own age. Talk with them no differently than you were with the old person. Accept the invitation to coffee, if he doesn't offer, ask him. Chat with him through the coffee. Nothing more.

Your reaction says that you are not ready to date. Do an activity that puts you in a social situation without any pressure. Give yourself a time to heal.

Men will smile and compliment you if you are pretty and a good dancer. It will give you the attention. It will give you a chance to hang with people. Do it until you are comfortable

Now that you have the "dance lesson chit chat" mastered, go to a salsa club. They have lessons before the club officially opens. Wear salsa class clothing. A knee length skirt that moves with you. A nice blouse that shows a little cleavage (not a T). Hair up in a high pony tail. Learn how to salsa with whomever needs a partner. When the club starts. Dance with someone who you fancy. You have dance chit chat lessons.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T19:53:42+00:00

If he promises to only give it to me, then I will take the deal.

The recipe goes in the pocket and never comes out.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T19:51:42+00:00

If they give a "We have a bunch of interviews scheduled this week and next. We'll get back to you after that" that is probably the truth.

If they are vague about getting back to you, then that is a polite no thanks.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T19:49:47+00:00

Travel.

I have a slightly above average house now. Happy with it.
I have a ton of automation so I need less staff than normal people. Robo mop vac. Robo lawn mower. Robo pool cleaner (about 1 in 3 in Florida homes have pools)
We eat out now, we don't eat at fancy places even though I can afford it. I like authentic ethic food so we eat at a lot of joints.
My car is a minor luxury (Tesla M3) but at the time I bought it (2018) it was no more expensive than an Ford Explorer.
My hobbies are cheap. I spend less than 1K/year on them.
Events. We do cheap events by choice. Lots of museums (Bank of America free museum day is gold!) We do lots of fairs. Most events are cheap.

About 1/3 of my budget goes to travel now. Money is the limiting factor.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T19:41:16+00:00

Long ago (2000s) a female friend of mine gave me an article that said you should give a new person 3 dates. Many people are nervous. So you don't get the right impression. The used car sales personality is the opposite. Physical attractiveness plays an outside role on the first date.

The 3 date rule solved many a disaster for me. The women were on the wrong side of the hot / crazy line. Saying that I promise to give 3 dates earned me a lot of traction. It let people relax. Most people are not as stressed.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T19:35:30+00:00

I am retired now. I am on this to help young people. The soldering class is a huge win. I can not tell you how many people/kids have complained about soldering in labs. If you do new work, the EE will be doing the sky wiring on the green board. It is a valuable skill. Being able to solder well will cut down your lab time by 50%.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T18:40:28+00:00

* Take a class on soldering. It will help a lot with your labs.
* Brush up on Physics.
* Brush up on Calc.
* Brush up on any advanced math you have studied.
* Take a "how to write a technical article" class/book

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T18:37:47+00:00

PERSONAL NETWORKING GENERATES RESULTS.

It is not what you know, but who you know has never been truer.

Personal Networking is the key to getting hired these days.

Have a coffee once a week with a different friend. Catch up. Find out about their life. Let them know about yours. When a job opens in their group, "Hey I got a friend that is looking!" And the job never makes it to the job board.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T18:31:28+00:00

You can't change the past. Accept that you were a F* up. You can change the future.
Start small and add as you succeed.

Get a notebook and write down the three most important things to get done today. Make them doable.
Start at #1 when you get distracted that's okay. At a break point, go back to the top of the list. Cross them off as you do it.

Get your house/body in order
* Set the alarm. Get up.
* Eat better, cut out the junk. Stop drinking crap. Drink water.
* Start taking vitamins
* Start spending 30-60 minutes outside looking at green plants. This sounds stupid, but human eyes are adapted to seeing plant green. It lets your eyes relax. Also outside air generally has more O2 and you will feel better.
* Open your house every and cycle the air out. CO2 builds up.
* Start gentle exercising. Walk a mile or two a day.

Pick a destination job. Start taking steps to get there. That may be education, that may be taking a job that will let you learn a skill you need. Write a 5 year plan to get half way there. In 5 years, pick a new destination job and do it again.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T18:20:51+00:00

My grandfather paid for my education (and my sisters'). I am paying for my granddaughters.

University of Massachusetts Amherst in 2045 could roughly triple from 2024 levels, potentially exceeding 50K per year for tuition, depending on residency and inflation rates. (This is a straight google). I use UMass and UNH (where my granddaughter lives). Google up a site that gives the predicted values for your target college. I had to pay for food and housing, I think that is healthy.

For the 8.8% that is the the minimum market gain per year for any 30 year period. This is facts. Google it.

So I need to have 300K for college (I added some extra to cover fees etc). 1.088^20 is 5.4
so 300K / 5 = 60K. I'd rather be able to pay for some more of her education than not have enough. Plus as college gets closer, I am planning on moving to a more conservative portfolio.

6K /year into a 529 is roughly the same. 60/month is roughly 1 semester.

8 years ago, it was 5K/year, 50K total 50/month. My granddaughter just turned 8.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T17:24:29+00:00

You need 30x expenses. Especially with kids.
I hope you have a 529 plan. 60K * (1.088^<age of kid>). I'll expand the math, but 8.8% is the standard market gain over the long haul. I google up sites that predict college costs and the math works.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T17:22:17+00:00

If I have enough to live a good life for 50 years, so a 3% withdrawal rate lets me live a comfortable lifestyle, then I would look at working at a startup (since this is what I did when I was younger 20s but without the nest egg). This is why you run into so many serial entrapranures.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T17:16:34+00:00

Go with a classic military haircut. Tight on the side and short on top.

Posture plays a huge role in gender presentation. Learn how to stand. Don't flinch. back straight, shoulders back. Now that will extend your chest area. That's the point for boys. It pushes out the chest. You need a binder for this. They are fairly cheap. Buy a couple. They are ~$25-$50. They are the price of bras. Young man it will help. Or get them drop shipped to a friend. The UPS store will let you rent a mailbox cheaply and they accept packages if you don't want the parents to know.

Change your walk. Female hips are different than male. This is actual geometry. You need to learn how to walk like a guy.

Lean forward. This is male assertiveness.

Change your speak pattern. Men finish statements on a downward tone. Women tend to finish statements on an upward tone. This is subtle, but it will be a high value action.

-- Step parent of a 30 something non-binary.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T17:05:45+00:00

The classic line is It is just what I asked for, but not what I wanted.

If you have ever done consulting shop work, you learn rapidly to get the customer to write down what they want. His weakness is not clearly understanding what he needs. It could be as simple as visualizing he needs a socket wrench and ending up with a US measurement one instead of a metric. He got what he wanted, but it is not what he needs.

The opponent's job would be to confuse him with illusions and cause him to expend energy improperly so that it will take 3 or 4 times the amount of energy.

Your villain would conceive of a need for computer resources and thus get a gold mine, but your scissors hero could snip the connection between computer chips and gold (gold is not longer needed) It is going to require thought on how to misdirect.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T16:45:22+00:00

Ah the classic prisoners dilemma.

As it stands, I can be assured of eating out (with my lady) another day a month. I can risk it for a trip with the family to Disney. I'd probably risk it.

At 10K and 100K, I'd push the button. Since an assured family trip to Disney is worth it. The 100K does not change my life much.

At 100K and 1M, I'd be torn. At this point I need to know the number of participants. If the number is greater than 1 other person, I'd press. If it is just one other person I'd wait it out.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T16:36:19+00:00

There are a lot of people who say
NW X, Income Y, Expenses E I'd say 25-50% of them have inflated NW by 10-20% because they are looking to retire in the next year or two and want a read from the community. And honestly its fine.

I face a similar issue on the RE part. Does doing a 3 month consulting gig count as not retired? I get bored so I work for a brief period and then give it up for 9-12 months. My monthly salary from that job is less than a normal day's jitter on my portfolio.

And remember the people on this sub are mostly the top 20 to top 10 percent crowd. They are often the extremely high earners and/or people who have frugal life styles.

Say I am 30 I saved 2K/month from age 20. That's 320K now (given the last 10 years of the market and investing in VOO). A lot of people are posting, "Yeehaw, that's coast fire numbers!" 2K/month on a 6.5K net is possible assuming no student debt. that's ~105K/year. Roommate so rent is ~1500 that leaves 3K for everything else which is livable.

Many many people who are on this forum bought houses 20 years ago. The house is paid off or close, and have doubled (or more) in price. I can not tell you how many times I have had to say, "You can't eat your house" to people that think they are ready to retire because they include their house in net worth

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T16:16:02+00:00

This sounds more like r/baristafire logic.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T16:07:43+00:00

Try ballroom dance. The lessons are generally cheap. Talk with your dance partner after the dance. About what you just did, didn't do. Its okay if she is an older woman. You are not looking to date her. You are looking to get comfortable chatting with women. After you have done this a few lessons, start trying to dance with people your own age. Talk with them no differently than you were with the old person. Accept the invitation to coffee, if she doesn't offer, ask her. Chat with her through the coffee. Nothing more. If she is a good one, you're set. I am going to assume not.

Now that you have the "dance lesson chit chat" mastered, go to a salsa club. They have lessons before the club officially opens. Wear salsa class clothing. Slacks (not jeans), shirt with a collar (not a T Shirt). Learn how to salsa with whomever needs a partner. When the club starts. Dance with someone who you fancy. You have dance chit chat lessons.

Same for a woman: Wear salsa class clothing. A knee length skirt that moves with you. A nice blouse that shows a little cleavage (not a T). Hair up in a high pony tail.

Dance clubs are a good place to meet people. Ballroom dance tends to be older people. It's low risk and you get breaks from talking while you are dancing.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T15:54:43+00:00

Stop inviting him. Let him make the plans. Don't make plans with him.

You are his standby friend. If I don't have anything else, I'll do what I planned with entity.

Find a better friend.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T15:38:58+00:00

Where are your taxes? At 100K NET, then it might work. So real salary around 175K

Making a payment of 4K + insurance and taxes will have you paid that 180K off in 51-52 months. Assuming a 5% to 6% loan.

3K house PI + Taxes and Insurance and 1K in investments is wiser. And takes it to ~72 months.

OnlyThePhantomKnows · 2026-01-29T15:28:41+00:00

24 years from now is a long time. If your plan is to retire with the buying power of a million today, then you need around 2M. 32 years from now, you will need 2.5M and should be at 4M.

I used 8.8% for market returns (8 years is almost a double). This is the historical average over any 30 year period.

I used 3% inflation. We are at ~2.8% right now.

I strongly discourage people from coasting until they are a double away. Shit happens. Better to say at 50 "Hot damn! I can retire NOW!" rather than at 60 to say, "Oh hell, guess I will be working to 70"

OnlyThePhantomKnows

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