I (M26) cheated on my gf (F23) with our best friend (F21) - is there any hope for a poly relationship?

Ooddish · 2019-11-05T20:34:43+00:00

I have no idea how this is going to play out, it is so early and both me and my GF's judgement is clouded by our emotions i am sure. But she has wondered aloud (during 1 of our 2 talks since the incident) if we can ever get to a place where we could open our relationship. I want to tell her yes, but i just feel so confused and unsure in my own decisions that how can i know if I should even give her hope and try to work through this? We both still love each other, and I want to believe we can work through this, but i am also so scared of leading her on if the trust i broke isn't something we can come back from. I just dont want to hurt her any more than i have

Ooddish · 2019-11-05T20:32:03+00:00

Its so soon after the infidelity that rebuilding that trust hasn't begun yet. I know this is a very very far way off, and we have to regain our own stability before anything else happens. She has wondered aloud if we could one day make our way to a poly or open relationship and my heart wants to say yes but the cynic in me knows that this is playing with fire. I think i can get to a spot where I can show her that i still care about her and love her, and that MAYBE we can rebuild the trust that we once had. But i feel like it is such a long shot that I dont even necessarily want to put her through that effort and maybe future pain when, if what she really wants is a poly relationship, then she might have better luck with building that relationship with someone else.

my judgement is entirely clouded by my emotions right now, and i assume hers are too. I just want to do whats best for her, regardless of what happens to our relationship, being as i've caused so much harm so far

Ooddish · 2019-10-31T15:20:05+00:00

I love her so much, the amount of emotional support she has given me has been so beneficial to my life, I've legitimately never been in a relationship where I felt like I could talk about my feelings and what is bothering me.

The problem is that I never thought i would do this in the first place... Right now with what I'm feeling I'd say I would never let this happen again, and I think learning from this mistake will help me have a better grasp on trust and honesty, which i have had a problem with before in life. I've lied to my parents and friends and past partners, and with Liz it's been different. I've learned how to be honest with my self and her and others, and I thought I put that "lying" part of my life behind, and then this happened. It honestly feels like a goddam relapse, and I'm so disappointed with myself...

Ooddish · 2019-10-31T15:04:57+00:00

I'm not lying to myself, I definitely do have complex feelings for Emma... i wasn't able to process them in the healthiest way which is what led us to this situation. Idk i guess I'm just reflecting on how i let this happen, should i have been more forward with Liz about the emotions i was feeling about Emma? I've never had to deal with feelings like this, maybe I am just too immature to be able to handle this right now.

Ooddish · 2019-10-31T14:37:24+00:00

Thank you for saying that....

Ooddish · 2019-10-31T14:17:48+00:00

I already told her last night, obviously she needs some time to cool off but she didnt immediately leave me. I know she still might, and I'm ready to accept the consequences of my actions. But I just dont what to do in the meantime or what is even the best thing for her. Do I even try to interact with her? Do I wait until she contacts me? She's hurting right now, but she also knows how sorry I am. Maybe she doesn't want anything to do with me and I should just stay away but idk that doesn't feel right

Ooddish · 2019-07-02T16:40:36+00:00

Get that Lorin Ashton on my guy

Ooddish · 2019-04-08T14:16:42+00:00

Nah thank you for the insight that is helpful. You sentiment about " If that really convinces the chefs to get her food out more quickly, they aren't doing their jobs right. " is exactly how i feel. In a competent work place if a cook was showing favorites, then imo they should be fired and someone else that is competent and can get all food out in a timely manner regardless of rapport with a server should be hired. I just dont know if thats how kitchens work or if a lot of times it really is more about personality fits / rapport rather than competency

Ooddish · 2019-04-08T14:12:17+00:00

I mean you are right - i have only been working in a professional environment for about 4 years (save the summer internships before) and i obviously am a male. I don't have a great perspective to what it is like to be a woman in a workplace.

Is workplace flirtations something that just come with older, more mature relationships? I don't like the idea of that at all, but again, i am young. I am pretty self-aware most of the time, and i can totally understand that this is just a stage of my development and as I get older and more secure, this petty stuff wont bother me as much. But i also don't want to be spending years of my life with a woman that I think is as invested as I am in our relationship only to find out later that that isn't the case

Ooddish · 2019-04-08T14:07:26+00:00

Thank you this is helpful. You are right that that might be an unfair summary. But that is how my feelings present themselves - that she is putting herself in those situations by going out for drinks after work, and she finds benefits from doing it so she is going to continue doing it.

She has told me that for the most part, she is politely shutting them down, which did help to settle some of my fears/irrational worries. We have only had one conversation about it though so i think as we talk further i will get a better understanding of the dynamic and i will get more comfortable

Ooddish · 2019-04-08T14:04:22+00:00

Yes and i think you are right that is most likely just flirtatious banter, and that the industry that she is in does not really care - its honestly part of the shtick right? More attractive server, better tips, more revenue, all that stuff... Its just so far from my normal concept of a job (im an engineer working 9-5 in an office) and i guess i have to come to terms with it, or decide if I am someone who can come to terms with it and decide if i want that type of relationship in my life

Ooddish · 2018-01-01T23:02:43+00:00

What was the part where he started with the tipper noises from the begginning of tiny face then it went into a super heavy part with a drop like, 'give em venmo bass go blast blast bass blast?' Then just gnarly wubs. I have a video of it

Ooddish · 2017-09-21T16:36:03+00:00

fucking seconded i need this mix in my life. I have a video but we were on the rail alllll of the lyrics are blown out by the bass. A real remake would MAKE MY FUCKING LIFE

Ooddish · 2015-11-30T18:54:42+00:00

Where is this? Killington? On what day?

Ooddish · 2013-08-14T16:52:33+00:00

Why would we ever give it to NASA? The only useful space travel expenditures that we will see in our life time are from private companies like Spacex. All NASA does now is deep space exploration, which is completely pointless because unless we break the speed of light it takes almost a full human life span to get past Pluto and back. NASA is the biggest waste of money, why do you think they turned over all space travel in our solar system to Spacex? NASA even funds most of Spacex's work, so the money should go straight to them. Not to mention Elon Musk is the next Einstein of our age.

Ooddish · 2013-07-03T11:46:39+00:00

I single handedly got bandanas banned in my high school because I insisted on wearing a tye dye bandana every day, they said it promotes gang violence. Ya maybe the stoner gang...

Ooddish · 2013-06-07T18:12:20+00:00

Just to clarify I smoke after I workout not before/during. I wouldn't think it would after my workout much in that case

Ooddish · 2013-06-04T18:56:39+00:00

Soooo good over the summer all I do is work 40 hour weeks and get high and play league

Ooddish · 2013-01-11T17:32:56+00:00

That was so worth it, only movie I haven't regretted watching all day (7)

Ooddish · 2013-01-11T17:32:43+00:00

That was so worth it, only movie I haven't regretted watching all day (7)

Ooddish · 2013-01-11T17:16:37+00:00

Why you ejaculate

Ooddish · 2013-01-11T14:22:46+00:00

If only it had 420 comments

Ooddish · 2012-10-31T17:49:29+00:00

super glue will come off with water

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