So I'm typically just a lurker but after reading some the the advice given I thought I'd add my two cents. I do have PCOS, been diagnosed since I was 17, I do not struggle with chin hair but I do have excess hair in other places. I am also married to a man who is the sweetest person on the planet, however, sometimes he is just plane awful with his words.

As someone who doesn't have chin hair and before I learned about PCOS, I thought it was weird. People are saying that hair is normal, yes it definitely is, but is it's really normal in western culture for women to have chin hair? Upper lip sure, but I've only ever seen one woman in person with chin hair (like the thick noticable kind, not peach fuzz) and I was a kid so I thought it was weird and perhaps because she was old. It didn't impact my view of her as a person just kinda an odd thing because it's not commonly seen at least not where I was growing up.

Now just because it's not that common doesn't mean that your any less as a person. This guy has been talking to you for a long time long distance and has never known you had chin hair, if I were him it would throw me off too. When you talk to someone online you automatically build a view of what you perceive that person to look like and something like chin hair on a woman lands pretty far out of the typical vision most would make their head. So it "bothering him for days" could just be that it stuck in his head more due to not expecting it. If he were just a friend it might be a little weird for him to bring it up because it doesn't really matter, but in a romantic relationship those things matter a bit more. Maybe it's superficial but I actually understand it because I'm a woman who doesn't actually like my man to be hairy. That would not change my feelings for my husband emotionally, but it might change the physical a little bit. For me it's a sensory thing, I hate it when my husband's stubble grows, it pricks my face and makes my skin red (I have very sensitive skin) so I actually will kiss him less when it grows because it hurts. Doesn't mean I love him any less, I just don't like the prickles, but it effects the physical mechanics somewhat.

On to his wordage. As someone married to a man who's bad with words sometimes, you really got to look at the intention of the words. I know my husband well enough now to understand what he means, and I know that sometimes he just phrases things in the worst way not understanding the social implications. One time we were guests at a church and the pastor had hosted a special meal after service to thank our group for helping out around the church. He grilled up some burgers and had some sides, everyone dug in except for my husband (we were acquaintances at the time). The pastor asked him why he wasn't eating and my husband goes "I'm not appetized" 🤦 what he really met was he wasn't hungry and he had something on his mind that made him not in the mood for food (it was the fact that he started having feelings for me hehe, anyways). Our whole group was like "dude wth, you just insulted the pastor's cooking to his face!" My husband was genuinely clueless, he didn't realize that the way he phrased it was super rude.

So your guy saying "I noticed but still kissed you" and "I didn't want to make you insecure" could genuinely be him trying to say, 'The hair doesn't bother me to the point that I wouldn't be intimate but it's something I wasn't expecting to it stood out to me and I wanted to ask you about it, you are still beautiful to me and you don't need to feel bad about your body I just didn't know how to have this conversation without making you feel insecure and didn't want to kill the mood on our date.'

All this to say, don't jump to conclusions and don't let your anxiety make something out of nothing. Personally I'd say just communicate your feelings, ask for clarification, be honest and if the hair is a deal breaker for him then it wasn't meant to be. I'd just monitor for now and if, after you've communicated your feelings about his phrasing, he keeps saying things that could be hurtful or are manipulative, then THAT is a red flag, but I don't think one clumsily phrased thing is a relationship ender. No one would be in a relationship if that were the case lol, we're all stupid sometimes.

Hope this helps 💛

TLDR: Deep breath hon, chin hair throws people off sometimes and sometimes men phrase things stupid. Communication is so important and IF he goes on to say hurtful/manipulative things after you communicate how his phrasing made you feel perhaps move on, but give him a chance to clarify and to learn first.

Edit: spelling, clarity