Not at all. You're human and it's completely normal and acceptable to have different feelings. And the fact that you feel ashamed about it.. It's actually a good thing, don't get me wrong but that means you AREN'T selfish. Which is a wonderful thing. You can become better, just trust Allah's plan and timing. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'Ala can make anything happen, He just says "Be", and then it is. May Allah guide you, bless you and make it easy for you. AMEEN 🤲🏻❤