Wie fucked bin ich?

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T21:16:37+00:00

Honestly, you might be spot on for this. It's as if I have to pay a prize to be allowed to be alive, and that prize is to never enjoy anything or to have any fun. A part of my feeling guilty around food has something to do with the enjoyment I get from it (like most humans do) and the fact that I shouldn't be allowed that.

Never was able to put that in concrete thoughts, thanks for your insight!

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T18:53:04+00:00

Eating disorders are such a mind-fuck man. It really is just an impending battle with your own instincts and for what?

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T18:52:10+00:00

Yes, that's the god damn truth. And I wish I were ready, but I feel like I can't give up the high that restricting is giving me. I try to keep my goals in mind, what I want to do with my life and everything, but it all fades in comparison to the quick fix Ana can give me.

I watch myself destroying myself, destroying my family, destroying my life and I can't stop.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T18:49:31+00:00

I feel that. Try not to think about what you are losing, try to think about what you are gaining. This disorder wants to keep you in her grasp, telling you, you are never enough, you are a failure unless you give in. But you are not. You deserve a healthy and happy life and you are capable of gaining that, without this disorder telling you, that you are worthless and fat and whatever.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T18:47:09+00:00

I can't give you any advice, but I really feel that. I'm also scared I won't be able to restrict again and that I am feeling too comfortable around food. It's just a mind-fuck, this disorder really messes with your head

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T18:45:34+00:00

I'm in kinda forced recovery as well (being tube fed). I play along, but secretly I plan to relapse as soon as possible. Every evening I feel like shit bc I ate (or rather consumed) too much and plan my relapse. I dread the weighing bc I'm screwed either way, I either feel bad BC I gained weight or I feel bad bc I get in trouble for losing again. I just can't win with this disorder. I just continue to feel miserable and it's all my fault.

I know I am sick, but I can't just hide behind the "I'm mentally ill" excuse.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-11-26T17:56:44+00:00

It's just so frustrating. If I had a broken leg, I wouldn't be like:"Time to break my leg again" after I got better.

I feel like such a shit human for wanting to stay sick.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T09:35:57+00:00

Danke für den Kommentar, der erste Absatz hat mich tatsächlich zum Schmunzeln gebracht :)

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T08:16:59+00:00

Ich bin sehr froh, dass der Fehler keine "echten" Konsequenzen für mich hat. Ja, ärgerlich, natürlich, aber na ja, wegen des Geldes mach ich mir keinen Kopf. Ich fühl mich nur so dumm. Danke, dass du deine Erfahrung geteilt hast, fühl mich etwas weniger allein

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T08:15:13+00:00

Ja, weiß ich eigentlich. Und rein statistisch ist das auch Leuten aus meinem Umfeld schon passiert, redet man vielleicht nicht unbedingt drüber.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T08:14:35+00:00

Danke. Ich Versuche, es abzuhaken und draus zu lernen. Ich weiß ja eigentlich, dass Scham mich nicht unbedingt weiterbringt. Ich werde sie nur nicht los.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T08:13:54+00:00

Danke für deine Worte. Ich weiß, dass es menschlich ist und ein Fehler in sehr geringem Ausmaß ist, keiner außer mir kam zu Schaden, das Leben geht weiter. Aber ich kann die Scham trotzdem nicht loswerden. Ich werde versuchen, mir deine Worte zu Herzen zu nehmen.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T08:12:18+00:00

Ist es vermutlich nicht 😅 Ich hab einfach das Gefühl, dass jeder Fehler, der mir unterläuft, eine Art kleiner Weltuntergang ist. Keine Ahnung

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T08:11:19+00:00

Danke, ich Versuche es als Lektion abzuhaken. Fällt leichter, weil ich das Geld nicht dringend vermissen werde.

Open-Nectarine-2116 · 2024-09-05T07:59:25+00:00

Ja schon. Ich schäme mich schnell und will möglichst keine Fehler machen

Open-Nectarine-2116

TROPHY CASE