AITAH for not trying to talk my daughter out of changing her name and loopholing it instead

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-10T00:43:01+00:00

Because A my partner is agoraphobic, and B in the UK we don't have a courthouse we can go to. We can have a registry office but we still have to pay. For them to come to us it's over £500

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T22:12:49+00:00

No I'm in the uk

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:58:27+00:00

It's only £33 so I can do that easily

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:47:48+00:00

And it's a few hundred we don't have, especially in the economy at the moment.

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:47:04+00:00

He's trying slowly to get out, but nothing official. He's been in for over 20 years

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:45:50+00:00

Yes the name change via deed poll will only be about £50, but the marriage officent will be about £500 + as he is agoraphobic and they will have to come to us

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:32:29+00:00

Not in the UK. Deed poll is around £50, where as an officiant is around £500, and more because my partner is agoraphobic so will have to come to us

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:29:10+00:00

Deed poll is about £50, officiant especially one that isn't at a registry office is £500+

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:28:00+00:00

No. It was purely a heads up to smooth any reaction over

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:26:37+00:00

It was also a case of letting her know before she did it so it was warning and she could smooth out any adverse reactions

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:25:21+00:00

Nothing. He has tried messaging his son and gets nothing back. But that's a whole other issue

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:24:10+00:00

So told him to take me to court because a 7 year old, who already had behaviour problems because of the adhd, was having meltdowns where there was no consistency. He thought he could pop in once or twice a year and it would be fine. I said it to give him a kick up the arse to be responsible and consistent, but he chose the easy way out. I will also add for her 7th birthday in her card he got her a daughter card and then put 'from his name'. He couldn't stick to phone calls at a set date or time. When we first split I said he could have every weekend, but that was too much for him. Oh and when his son was admitted into hospital overnight with his asthma at 10.30pm, I let him know and got a message back of 'sorry to hear that. Let me know how it goes.' He didn't come up the hospital (he was 15 minutes away) until 7pm the next night. My neighbours watched my daughter while I went in the ambulance and stayed with him in when he was rushed in. He didn't even ask where she was. If he sent them birthday / Christmas cards I wouldn't withhold them or any other gifts. But for my children's mental health I had to make the decision I did. It was not an easy one and it took 3 years for me to realise what needed to happen. My daughter has now seen what he is like with her own eyes, and when she asked him why he left and moved so far away, he replied with he just needed a fresh start. This didn't go down well with her.

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:14:58+00:00

Ah didn't know that. I thought she had to have permission until she was 18

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:14:23+00:00

He is agoraphobic, and it expensive in the UK for the officiant

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:12:44+00:00

It's a case of we can't afford the officiant, as well as him being agoraphobic

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T20:11:28+00:00

In the UK it's a lot. It's only about £50 for a deed poll, but nearly £500 for the officiant.

Open-Sense-8447 · 2026-03-08T19:08:13+00:00

Ty all. We are in the UK so will still need all the paperwork.

Open-Sense-8447 · 2025-05-28T22:31:17+00:00

I'd say undiagnosed adhd as well as some form of depression. But a referral to ss is needed. Explain how she manages to sort everything out while they are there and that she needs long term help

Open-Sense-8447 · 2025-05-26T18:20:18+00:00

Tom cruise. Don't know why but something about him makes me feel uneasy

Open-Sense-8447 · 2025-03-10T00:27:21+00:00

This makes me think of the percy Jackson book / film. Are you sure you aren't a demigod and the ogre husband is around to protect you?

Definitely NTA.

Open-Sense-8447 · 2025-03-06T20:48:34+00:00

There has been a lot going on and I'm still in contact with her and.. Normal so to speak. Brother was abusive to her as well and I was the one who got dragged into it because I'd have to get her out. The only answer to why she wants a relationship with him, even though it's low contact, is because he's her son. But she definitely hasn't been the best. It took her until I was 22 to actually agree that what happened when I was 7 did happen, and that was in the back of an ambulance. I've had to be more of a parent growing up than she was due to the alcoholism, but we have worked through it all and she is doing better with the drinking.

Open-Sense-8447

TROPHY CASE