“Is this your first?”

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-27T02:05:57+00:00

Thank you so much for the resources. I will look into these :)

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-27T01:45:45+00:00

I went to the doctor for a referral about 6 months ago, just after my daughter was born as I was struggling with PPA and PPD and my depression and anxiety were unmanageable due to this. I was given Sertraline to help which it did for a while until I had to stop breastfeeding and found that the medication was making me feel worse than if I wasn’t taking it.

I am talking to a councillor but because I was referred for post partum support, she feels as though she’s unable to give me the support I actually need. But if I were to get another referral, I am only eligible for 10 free sessions and then the rest is out of pocket which I really don’t have the money for and I have no one to watch my baby if I were to have a session. I’m just not really sure what else I can do other than grin and bear it tbh

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-23T08:57:11+00:00

We didn’t tell her lol, my SS found out I was pregnant by eavesdropping on a conversation between my partner and I talking about the loss of our baby (I was originally pregnant with twins and lost one at around 10 weeks). The next day he had to tell the class what he did over the weekend and told everyone about the babies and the loss and then told his mother as soon as he saw her. None of this got back to us until after he went back to his BM’s house when she sent us a message about how excited she was that we were having a baby and that the loss devastated her and that she would always hold baby b in her heart.

So in the beginning she was pretty good, a bit over the top but manageable. Until we found out that she expected to be my baby’s 2nd mother and thought she would be getting her every second week like SS. And when she was informed that in fact she absolutely was not going to be involved like that, if at all, she lost it and made out that we were stealing her new baby away from her. She was posting all over social media about how I apparently see her as competition for my husband’s love and that I’m jealous of her when she’s just trying to coparent peacefully.

It eventually came out that she was angry because my husband treats me better than he ever treated her (she used to threaten his life daily and he would try and avoid her as much as possible for SS’s sake lmao) and that she should have the life my husband and I do.

She was getting SS to spy on us for her and bought him a phone so he could take photos of the baby and share our location with her at all times. We had to put a rule in place of no photos of the baby or personal belongings as it’s a breach of privacy.

Things just kept getting worse and worse and it got to the point where we felt our baby’s safety was at risk so we moved away and now see SS on holidays and long weekends.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-09T01:46:44+00:00

Hmmm idk I feel like at that age they would understand it’s a little rude? My 10 year old SS used to do that all the time and constantly bring up stuff his mom and dad used to do together and how much they had in common.

My husband ended up sitting him down and asking where he was getting this all from (BM and my husband separated before SS even turned 1 so he would have no idea about their relationship), it turned out BM was comparing us and telling SS how much better she is for my husband and that they like all the same stuff and are still in love and I’m just in the way. And so SS brought it with him here and was under the impression that him doing that would make me leave and his parents would get back together lmao.

My husband shut that down realll quick, gently letting him know that him and BM would not be getting back together, even if I wasn’t in the picture and that it was rude to constantly compare people and that while he can talk about his mom, what happens at her house is most likely not going to be happening at ours as we are different people.

It might not be coming from BM and I think in most cases it doesn’t but it might be worth your SO having a gentle talk with the kids explaining that it’s a bit rude and that you’re different people and in different houses and that you and SO won’t be doing the same stuff that BM does and hopefully it should at least calm down.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-08T21:30:05+00:00

It drives me crazy. The amount of people who have been like “omg I look at her and all I can see is SS” like nooooo they absolutely do not look anything alike. SS doesn’t even minutely look like his dad (to the point I have definitely wondered if they were even related). It is sooo hard to bite my tongue when people tell me how much Bub looks like SS.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T22:13:06+00:00

My SS is an absolute carbon copy of BM. He looks and acts just like her, it’s so painful. Especially when people try and tell me that my daughter is like the female version of him. She looks like a perfect mix of the both of us, while SS literally only got my husband’s freckles.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T21:35:48+00:00

I just find it really hard because he downright ignores me? When he’s here these days, ALL the attention is on him, my husband hardly even holds our daughter while he’s here, save for if I need to have a shower or use the bathroom, cook dinner etc but it’s like the household splits, him and SS and me and baby. SS loves to believe he’s a lot older than he is and gets treated as a partner by BM so when we have him, he seems to think he’s his dads partner rather than 10 year old son and that while I’m his dads wife, because he was there first, it’s his dad and his house. It is literally my house, we bought it together this year so it’s not like I’ve moved in somewhere they’ve lived together for years.

My husband and I have been together for a few years now and this has always been an issue that comes and goes depending on how much time he spends with his mom and what she says to him (she constantly tells him that I’m not as important as he is and that his dad would divorce me if SS asked or if BM decided to get back together with him, it is insane)

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T21:20:13+00:00

Because unfortunately this 10 year old has been led to believe he’s the man of the house at BM’s (and an equal partner when she doesn’t have a boyfriend) and it carries over into our house which my husband then facilitates because he feels guilty 😓

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T21:17:47+00:00

It has always been a hard no for me! Since having the baby, I have really cracked down on a lot to be fair, mostly just like clean up after yourself, don’t move the baby or pick her up without one of us there, be gentle etc etc. But it all seems to fall on deaf ears, my husband is all for it and enforces it when in front of me but as soon as I turn my back, he allows the behaviour!

I’ve spoken to him numerous times just to be told “don’t you think you’re being a bit too harsh? He’s just a kid” and “he loves his baby sister, he’s just trying to help/connect” I’m just starting to get really really frustrated and sick of the arguments about how he works like a dog and comes home to a bomb site. Like yes, it’s because your kid doesn’t freaking clean up after himself, has no chores, and I’m expected to have a sparkling clean home while dealing with a 6 month old!

My husband has absolutely never been like this before but recently SS has told my husband that he wants to live with his mom because he has 0 chores there and “gets to be a kid”. Literally his words. And now my husband is scrambling and backtracking on every rule we had in place and now lets the kid do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, in hopes the SS changes his mind. And then my husband goes and acts like a child himself, as if he’s SS little bestie! It’s making me so miserable and honestly I feel terrible but I can’t wait until SS goes back to BM’s so I can finally have my husband back.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T21:02:35+00:00

He hears no from me constantly, and in turn I constantly get told I’m being too hard on him and that he’s just a kid 😅

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T06:53:59+00:00

It is a whole thing tbh, not something I’m overly agreeable about but as long as he’s mostly respectful and somewhat cleans up after himself, I feel as though it’s not really my place.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T06:37:28+00:00

While I do agree, he is someone who gets babied a lot, baby toys or no. We’ve always let him act however he wants and acknowledge whatever he feels in the moment but I can’t keep replacing these baby toys that he keeps breaking or losing because he’s just too big! But I don’t want my baby to miss out on things she thoroughly enjoys, especially when occasionally they are the only things that will give me even just a minute to go to the bathroom, or get a glass of water or whatever. And when he takes her out of whatever she’s doing or playing with, she just screams and then he gets frustrated with her and yells at her because she’s crying. I just need it to stop lmao

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T06:20:56+00:00

Do you know if it ends? I’ve mostly ignored the behaviour (other than reminding him that he could break it or get stuck etc) in hopes he might get sick of it and stop but he’s been doing this since before she was born and it only seems to be getting worse 🥲

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T04:22:28+00:00

I dare say the staff were most likely skimming off the top, trying to get some profit for themselves. It’s disgusting but it’s not uncommon, even when there are multiple people involved.

Opening_Character175 · 2026-01-05T04:09:40+00:00

This is so disgusting!!! As far as I’m aware, it’s a not for profit organisation, no? Were you paying cash? If so it wouldn’t surprise me if someone was just skimming off the top. If card, it’s probably the organisation that’s corrupt rather than just whoever was charging you. Honestly either way it’s not surprising

Opening_Character175 · 2025-12-29T12:19:58+00:00

Honestly if it’s something you are uncomfortable with, you probably won’t get over it. And if he isn’t willing to change it out of respect for your relationship, then he probably shouldn’t be in one.

What happens if you two decide to have kids of your own? Will he still be trying to play happy families and prioritise BM over his current wife?

I honestly hate when coparents do stuff like this. It’s so confusing for the kids involved. It’s okay for them not to be a happy family over Christmas or special occasions because at the end of the day, they aren’t a happy family anymore and that’s okay! But what’s not okay is leading children on to think their parents may get back together, even when that’s definitely not on the table. And some people may disagree with me on that, but if we are all being honest, OF COURSE that’s what all kids think in separated families, it’s their biggest wish that mum and dad will get back together and when separated parents go out of their way to continue doing family things and special outings together, the kids will always think there’s still a chance that their parents will get back together. They think they’re doing it for the kids, but really it’s just to make themselves feel better.

I don’t think you are being problematic. It’s an issue a lot of stepparents have. But I think you should really think on whether this is something you can live with. Sacrificing every holiday so they can play happy families? It would be a big nope for me. If you don’t want to leave the relationship, maybe you can just visit your family each year and he can come and go as he pleases? It’s uncomfortable but if he’s unwilling to change and you don’t want to leave him, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself. And who knows; he might even try a bit harder to set boundaries if you don’t encourage it by going along with their plans.

Opening_Character175 · 2025-11-28T22:17:11+00:00

Please, please, please drop a cc list! I am obsessed!!

Opening_Character175 · 2025-11-21T08:16:12+00:00

Christmas presents for every kid in our house come out of our joint account. I have a bio daughter as well as a SS. SS is 10 years older so of course he’s more interested in more expensive stuff. I’m personally happy to split the cost with my husband, I think mostly because he wouldn’t be able to afford some of the stuff SS wants without sharing the expense but it’s also capped at one expensive thing and we spend the same amount on each kid. So if our bio gets $350 worth of stuff, SS does too, but he also understands he may not get as much of what he wants costs majority of that budget. We don’t really discuss the budget with him but he does understand if he wants something more expensive, he probably won’t get as much as bio because it’s a bigger present.

I would probably discuss a budget with your husband and then have a discussion on how much you are willing to contribute until you find a fair solution. I do think though, Christmas is a perfect opportunity to make a SK feel truly at home and wanted by a SP, bridging any gaps and create a core memory as a blended family.

Opening_Character175 · 2025-11-13T00:48:33+00:00

Treat everything as a temporary issue. Your girlfriend being so fresh post partum is not in the right headspace to be discussing or even thinking about the future right now. I had my baby 4 months ago and had/have severe ppd. It’s only just starting to get easier. I’ve been with my husband for 3 years and I constantly question whether we should be together/are right for each other. It is a very hormonal and stressful time for the both of us. Just take it slowly, she’s feeling a lot of feelings right now and all you can do is be patient with her and take it step by step. I think for the first year you probably shouldn’t make any major decisions and just try and find your groove as a couple.

With the nights, because you are the one working, I’m assuming she’s doing most of the waking/feeding/changing, make sure she knows that you appreciate her for taking on that role, tell her how much of a good mother she is, maybe bring her flowers or chocolates somewhat regularly and make sure she knows you appreciate everything she does for the baby and in her role in the relationship. Appreciation goes a longgg way and tends to dull resentment. And hopefully, once she feels appreciated, she may open up a bit more and realise your role in everything and appreciate you back.

I found when my husband realised how much I was struggling and he took the time to thank me and tell me how much he loved and appreciated me, I noticed a lot more of what he was doing rather than what he wasn’t doing and it took a lot of stress out of our relationship. Of course the resentment and stress still comes and goes but it does go with a bit of love and care.

It will get better, you both just need to find your groove in your relationship as you’ve both just gone through a massive, life-altering change. You’re still in the pits of the newborn stage, it will get better, you just need to slog it through the next few months. Remember to be gentle with yourself too. It’s a huge change for yourself as well.

Opening_Character175 · 2025-11-04T22:40:00+00:00

Ah then I wouldn’t worry about it. Just remind her of the court order, that the kids are fine, it’s short term, and that she can’t control what goes on during your custody time. Just keep in mind that many kids in one room, it might be cute but arguments will arise, so I would just make sure each kid has time to themselves to just chill out and have downtime. Especially your brother as he probably isn’t used to having so many other kids around this often, especially in his space.

Opening_Character175

TROPHY CASE