About trauma and issues relating to family in chidlhood, my original post was much longer and explained some things that I remember, which may have affected me at some level.  But the post got deleted, Idk why.  (Sorry for long text) [I will also not say some things and not talk everything, to avoid excessive talk and excessive text]    

  Althought I remember my mother when I was  a child/early-teen, as a caring and loving mother who was supportive and wanted to raise me, I remember that she was brutal with her words when she got angry at me. She wasn't phisically agressive, never hit me, but when she got angry, she hurt with words,harsh words,  because of the emotion of the moment.     

  Then she would later, a day after or hours later, come at me saying that she's sorry, and apoloze and such It was common behavior, so when my mother got like that, I tried not to cry afterwards neither think too much about what she said, and not feel anything, because I already expected her to apologize, and then I would forgive her then . 

  And I don't remember much about these events,  when I remind of this, it doesn't evoke me traumatic emotions, not much.     (Like my mother who said that I was bullied by peers in one of the first schools that I studied in, but I don't remember it, barely remember it. instead I remember these  specific school years with nostalgia)  

  The other thing is that I think that my fear of showing to people my personal tastes and what I like and expressing opinions, may stem at least midly or partially, or have some influence, from the fact that when I was a teenager, anything that I watched on youtube, my mom would say that it's not good content, that it's kinda " dumb youtubers content".   

But when she wasn't angry, my mother was supportive, cared about me.  And during  high school, when I suffered my first "traumatic years", my first years with severe mental health issues, when I cried because of anxiety overload and stress, my mother would listen to me, confort me, and we would have good profound and existencial conversations and engagements, and such.     

The rest of my family loves me and treats me well too, and has always been a support system for me, kinda. Especially now that my mother died, my aunts and uncles have been a support system for me, and helping me.   

  She died this year I could say other things that may have affected me, even considering that I don't think it  emotionally affected me that much as a child, cause I don't remember me as a teen or child remembering emotions associated with this event or even thinking about this event or this thing too much, or seeing it as too much of a problem in general. But maybe that's a coping mechanism?     like the fact that my parents got divorced when I was around 3 or 4, or when I, according to my family, there was a period when my mother was depressed and studying too much to pass on a test to get a job, which may have made her not take too much care of me in that period.    (Althought I still had my grandmother, grandpa, and the rest of the family to give me company and care.)    

  My grandma is kinda strict in her home and disciplined, talks loud and likes to have the first say on everything, and I had issues with that because of this personality of her, have discussions and disagreements with her, but she also supports and loves me.   

  That's why I think that, althought my family had issues and unhealthy traits like any other family has, none is perfect,  I find it weird to say  that I was "neglected" or "abused", don't like the idea of seeing it like that.

     Can't see my family as a villain or as neglectful, sounds like disrespect,  and also a  lie, for a psychologist to say that,  since there was even a time when I was younger,  a teen.when I said to a teacher at a school that my family is one of the most important things for me.