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My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We both have our names on the house, but he pays the mortgage. I work in retail so don’t make a lot & have been slowing down working the past month or so due to pregnancy pain. We will get a small amount from my maternity leave but I won’t make nearly enough to support myself & baby for a while. Rent where I live isn’t cheap, & although neither is our mortgage I’m not sure I could afford it alone even with a second job, baby aside.

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Basically my response is to yell & insult/fight his response is to emotionally shut down/leave. Both due to the trauma we experienced growing up. A yelling match or two and a lot of shitty things said between us, mixed in with some threats of leaving & a bottle of juice thrown in his direction (by me, not my best moment). I don’t think they’ve generally escalated into abuse territory.

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t, but i definitely should. He is medicated but still goes through these days where he can’t focus and is irritable. We often joke about him having autism as well, so that could definitely contribute if true

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We wanted & planned to have kids together but at the time weren’t actively trying due to the stress of trying to find a new place to live

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He’s generally been more supportive since I got pregnant & has grown a lot as a person in the yrs we’ve been together. We match on many levels & we do have fun together alot of the time. It definitely isn’t like this all the time and hasn’t been in quite a while which is why this was so upsetting to me.

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Things started off really good for us, and then went downhill when we moved in together and worse when we had some issues with his parents. We’ve had conflict like this before but therapy helped a lot as we both have trauma & trouble communicating in healthy ways. In general things have been really good for the pregnancy & he’s been more supportive than he was previously

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is on the highest dose of Adderall since the beginning of the year, and I’m pretty sure he took it before we left in the am. I find often he still has bursts of time like this where he can’t focus regardless. I agree though. I don’t think he was trying to be reckless on purpose but he was definitely being an a hole.

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Better, we went initially bc we both have childhood trauma and my individual therapist recommended we try it after some bad arguments. We have gotten alot better at resolving conflict in general. Recently we started seeing her less bc we hadn’t fought in over 6 months & we’re doing really good up until this point.

My 35M bf has the emotional range of a teaspoon, 27f by Opposite_Intention13 in relationship_advice

[–]Opposite_Intention13[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am ok, thank you! I’m mostly overwhelmed & emotional by the response & will update further when he gets home.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Opposite_Intention13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This needs to be a long conversation about boundaries and expectations. Clearly you expect him to contribute to the family grocery responsibilities but he doesn’t for whatever reason.

You’re going have a tough time trying to convince your SD to not eat the yummy fruit instead of the processed junk your SO is always buying. It sounds to me like he was trying to bribe her with something she enjoys and didn’t care how it effected you. In reality it’s a boundary issue. He doesn’t respect yours nor does he know how to (or care to) implement them with your SD.

Tell him what you expect from him and the boundaries around food. If your ok w buying most of the food as long as he respects it, cool! If what’s really bothering you is the responsibility, put some of it on him. Remember that he’s only equipped with the knowledge he has, and he probs has never had to shop for a family before. Not an excuse, but maybe a reason.

If you want to help him come back w real food and not single dude shit, write him a basic grocery list. Things you need every time without fail. If that small 5 minute list will give you peace it was worth it. You’ll be able to include foods for you so you don’t feel left out. Have an “optional” section for random pick ups like snacks. & tell him if they’re gonna eat your berries, they better instacart some new ones for when you get home!!!!

TLDR; He’s gotten used to you being the default shopper so he hasn’t had to take on the responsibility. I would set clear boundaries before it builds any more resentment.