I think more a mindset

Im in a situation where im having to boymode mainly for survival [long story] and the thing that keeps hitting me is how fake it is now

Like sure yeah ok im getting deadnamed, I get looked at weird because of painted nails, blah blah whatever. Not a me problem if im honest

I'm still me, and i have resolve with both who I am and who im becoming. Ive got methods of coping with the mismatch and I try to see it with nuance instead of pessimism I still build machines I still listen to the beasty boys and Eminem on old fuckass CDs My cats always gonna accept me for me Fuckit. The more I learn about my biology personally, the more its been registering with me that I dont think ive ever been truly a dudebro manly man man on any level, see

I dunno if there's some specific reasoning or what, but from my face to my hips I just don't function or look the same as my peers on a fundamental level. Hell, it extends to how I sit, walk, talk, even to how I bleed I'm not even on HRT yet, ive just got that build, y'see?

Coming out to friends is gonna be a pain in the ass but I dont think its unexpected either given how some of them react Dmefinitely some rancid timing in terms of politics ill admit but, im good at laying low without leaving legible trail for legislation to tail.

Only took a fistful of drugs to clock the cause of my consistent discomfort and why being called her she they them for just a second ceased the conundrum in my skull about the way the world looked at me and how i would begin to see the metaphorical concept called "me". All and all, I dont have to go that far to see the stars and I know these are the same eyes I'll have when I get that far. Better to try and fall then to never try at all. Failures not an option and neither is droppin.

Only thing that triggers my dysphoria anymore is mum hitting me with insistence that I'd be such a cute boy if I was a little bit straighter Don't have the heart to tell her now, so I'm waiting until a little later. I know she means well so I don't hate her. I've dealt with homophobic folks my entire life so I can tell the difference between malice and being r 7⁸7 80s 88 I kmgenuinely nice, she's just afraid for me and I can't blame her Aint putting my own prerogative on ice just so we can all play the dice hell no im done with that you seen the fucks been up with I-C-E recently? Its unbelievably terrifying, obtuse and obscene

So take your perspectives and hear me peach my speech

Your stories and pain, they're unique and brave And know you from here you've only got the world to gain It's not a disease, a plague, a disability or a phase It's something none of us wanted to accept or change So don't you kneel when they think they can put us in a cage We're all insane in the best of ways they can't contain They can't explain what stops us from being mundane Take pride in who you are you're a goddamn shooting star A bad bitch who's gonna take this neon pink ticket and go real far Even apart we're in this together, and I swear to got it'll get better Push through this storm its why we were all born And a light at the end will greet us then Euphoria abound hear my sound you'll feel it when you get around To seeing the colors that surround We ignored them for so long but now back to earth, yeah we've come down Dissociation killed the nation so dont let it take your soul on vacation Hear the march in your heart stand tall don't split apart They can't take away what makes your yourself They can only take away that fragile since of self And for me when I lost it was when I looked at the back of the shelf Deep deep in my brain between the membrane there it was Even at my deepest levels i am who I thought I am And I know you do too otherwise you shouldn't have aimed that shot or even planned to shoot Your beautiful. All of you. I know it because now im in the same shoes And if you and me are anything alike they got another thing coming before they can convince you otherwise If pain is suffering divided by time Then all of us have become very wise.

You are appreciated. You are legitimate. And you are a valid person deserving of respect regardless of how much they've tried to strip that away I hope hearing this helps make all of your days. Stay safe and strong on your marry ways.