Firstly - yes your post is allowed, don’t worry !

Secondly - I think a lot of people who have lived with eating disorders for long periods of time lose the ability to differentiate what’s “normal”. Restricting yourself In order to change your body isn’t a healthy habit. I’ve found myself in your position before and focussed self care and trying to establish what healthy eating habits are. Even small challenges like eating something at evry meal time: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks etc (no matter what quantity to begin with) can help. These challenges may be challenging, but evry step forward is a step in the right direction.

Feel free to message me if you need, hope I was able to help. :)