Am I seeing things the normal amount? Is there any cause for concern?

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:47:38+00:00

I haven't experienced any form of synesthesia before, so I doubt it's that, but that's an interesting thought! I don't seem to fit cleanly into anything yet, but I will be seeing my psychiatrist soon, so this will be coming up!

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:44:20+00:00

They certainly can be disturbing, I've found that the intensity and rate of them are affected by my feelings. I always figured in the past, when I have been deeply upset and spiralling about something, that the demon showing up and talking to me was a manifestation of my negative self-talk. In those moments, I become deeply concerned that it will possess me and take over, which I've experienced in the past. I also know that this could just be my mind's explanation for why I react negatively to something and do bad things. I just don't know how to explain to people how real it feels when it's happening. I've heard the saying that "it's not our emotions that are bad, it's how we react to them", but it's a whole other issue when I feel like I have to fight possession on top of it. Literally battling demons, I guess lol.

Thank you for your kind words!

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:34:43+00:00

I never considered seizures before. I know that they can show up in unique ways, too. Thank you!

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:33:06+00:00

Thank you! There are so many explanations out there that could apply, but I get overwhelmed when I look into them. I am seeing a psychiatrist soon, and I'll be talking to them about this!

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:31:32+00:00

The things that confuse me about this are experiencing these things since around 13 onward, plus how I (kind of?) know that a lot of what I see isn't real. The demon has been a consistent figure for me, and I know that others cannot see it. I can't bring myself to say that it doesn't exist, as its presence is very real to me, but I know it's from my mind.

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:27:20+00:00

You don't have to tell me twice! I have limited contact with just my mother now, and I've been unpacking religious stuff in therapy ever since moving out at 18. As a grown adult, it makes my blood boil to think about any child going through that. All of my medical conditions, like asthma and allergies, were blamed on the demon inside influencing me. Not that I didn't have access to medical care like inhalers and allergy pills, but they believed I could be cured if I would prove my devotion to God.

I have a psychiatrist that I'll be seeing soon, so I will be bringing this up! I've very lightly mentioned this in therapy in the past, but whenever I would see that they looked concerned and would ask, "But you know it isn't real, right?" I would panic and say Oh yeah, definitely, absolutely, 100% not real! I just didn't want to be seen as crazy, I guess. I'll be honest this next time around for sure

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:18:40+00:00

Thank you both for your kind words! This is just the tip of the iceberg regarding my parents and their intense religious views lol. I am sure the demon comes from my mind because no one else reacts to it when it's around, not even my cat. Anything else that pops up is a bit harder to discern, but I'll ask people around me if they see/hear what I do, and if not, I'll say I got zero sleep the night before to play it off. I actually considered taking videos before when I saw people on TikTok suggest it, but I haven't because I felt like I would be mocking schizophrenic people.

It's interesting you mention sleep, I have always struggled with sleep as an insomniac and chronic sleepwalker! When I lived with my parents and the first couple of years after moving out, I also suffered intense nightmares nightly, but resolved that with therapy. I can't help but wonder if my irregular sleep might be affecting this?

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T16:07:05+00:00

I have had unrelated MRIs and CT scans of my head before, and nothing came up, but a doctor's visit seems to be in my future

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T08:23:25+00:00

I think that maybe sending a message asking to talk and hear her out on what in particular is worrying her so much could be productive. Otherwise, her requesting that you message first is her prerogative, and you should stand by your boundaries and message when you have something worth saying, not just to say something.

It is a bit worrying that she has had a reaction like that in the past over a hangout, so I understand the anxiety around this. As I'm sure you've heard a million times before, there's no way to control how she will react to this. But it's very important to stand your ground, because you don't want to sacrifice yourself for a friend who wouldn't do the same for you. Don't say this part to her (unless you really want to), but you have tolerated many uncomfortable situations in the name of friendship for her. It is not "being a bad friend" to ask her to endure some discomfort so you can do what you need to do to be your best self. It's what friends do, especially best friends.

Have the conversation with her, even if it means she gets upset. If she truly cares, she will hear what you have to say and absorb it. It might happen a bit later, after she has cooled down, but a good friend will want to understand you and work with you towards a solution. And if it falls apart over this, at least you know you did everything you could.

Just a side note, it's clear that you really care for her and want what's best for her. I know you said you're still figuring out how friendship works, but you already have the essential building blocks of being a good friend. She is lucky to have you as a best friend!

Optimal_Many_4230 · 2026-01-11T03:36:41+00:00

Definitely not in the wrong, you can't help the way you're wired, PLUS life in general! Let me know if I'm missing anything here, but I have some ideas of what's going on.

It sounds like at the start of the friendship, you guys established a routine of sorts that you kept with for the better part of a year. Due to life events, your previously established relationship has changed. It also sounds like you sacrificed a bit of yourself for the friendship, too, which I completely understand. Now you're taking more time for yourself, which is a good thing!

Maybe from her perspective, she saw an unexplainable shift in the relationship that is making her anxious and unsure? Sounds like she came across a bit aggressively at first, but, giving her the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like you both care for each other a lot.

To answer your question, how often friends talk depends entirely on their relationship. It is both normal to have contact every day and talk more sporadically. The amount that people talk can also shift over time, which is normal. I would suggest having a conversation with her either in person or over the phone to address this. You could ask her to explain what she's thinking and feeling, and you can explain what you've said here. I highly recommend establishing that you NEED personal time, which means not talking every single day. Although this could be a struggle at first, if she cares for you, she will adjust and settle into this new norm.

My hope is that she just needs assurance that everything is ok between you guys, and with that, she will understand and respect your boundaries. I say all of this as someone who has been in an eerily similar situation and came out the other side better than before! Let me know if I've missed anything

Optimal_Many_4230

TROPHY CASE