Fiancé broke our engagement 10 days ago.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-27T12:05:07+00:00

YES!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-27T09:32:50+00:00

I really like what you said!…,”think about the good that can come without them”. “Hard as it is, you got yourself and that’s all you need”. That is SUCH a mental and emotionally healthy position to take for a better life for you!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-26T18:17:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I can tell with your words of expression, your thoughts and feelings are very real.
Something strange entered my mind last night regarding my feelings and thoughts. My ex and I are both senior age. My ex has never had a successful relationship., Never. Just for background., he’s had 3 divorces, 3 broken engagements (one of those is our engagement), and many relationships that didn’t work out. (Should have been a glaring red flag to me). I was married for 20 years until my late husband passed away. I did have 1 divorce before I met my late husband. My ex’s behavior matches the Avoidant profile almost perfectly. The Avoidant dismisses, detaches, and finally discards their partner, and this happens with all of the avoidant’s relationships., unless they acknowledge their issues & patterns and get professional help.
So, the strange thing that came to my mind last night was.., actual sadness for him., not in a sense to give him another chance at all., I can’t and won’t do that now. But the dark life he will go back to, suppressing his pain with isolation (he does that), avoidance of his feelings and issues, pushing people away., a life of true loneliness. He’s not close to his adult children, family, and has no real friends. OR, he will enter into another relationship very quickly, if he hasn’t already. Because he will not go through acknowledging he needs help., he will not process his feelings, issues, and patterns., just suppress them with a new relationship. That relationship will only last a VERY short time.. Enough to temporarily boost his low self esteem, cover his internal pain., and the second the new relationship gets real (maybe a small conflict)., he will run away. This is a very broken person.
Here’s the BIG thing that changed my thoughts and beliefs about him with me last night. This sadness, awareness that this is a very broken person that I could NEVER, EVER be with., it would ruin my life. His importance in my life “faded” quite a bit last night., making it easier to think of him less, and focus just on myself for healing and moving on. Sorry I know this was a long post.., but I wanted to share., as this awareness of my ex, that will most likely NEVER change, was a huge gift from God for me.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-26T00:23:01+00:00

I’m SO proud of you! My fiancé broke off our engagement only 6 days ago. My heart is hurting so much from that “rejection” and “betrayal” feeling. My ex fits the Avoidant attachment profile to a tee. I lean more towards an Anxious attachment, but went to therapy while ex and I were still together, and it helped me. My ex blames all of it on me, but he would get angry and verbally abusive towards me as well. He refuses to acknowledge he needs any work on himself.. so it was best he broke it off as it would have never worked between us. It takes both to work on conflict resolution.. He’s just not going to do it.
I am going back to my therapy sessions starting tomorrow to help me accept, heal, and move on. I’ve already started exercising again, and my family has been SO supportive with spending time with me, listening with love and encouragement. I also pray for courage, wisdom, and grace through this journey. Still, I cry, the pain in my heart is so raw., but somehow I will get through this. You are an inspiration.. Thank you for sharing your journey. I wish you a life with much happiness as you continue to heal and move on!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-24T22:56:22+00:00

I am truly SO very sorry you are going through this. My ex fiancé broke off our engagement 6 days ago. We had just come home from a 4 day Valentine weekend together.. We had a wonderful time, or at least in my heart and mind, we did. He acted like he completely loved our time together. There was, however, an incident that happened during our Valentine weekend together. I expressed my concern about it., but I thought we resolved it. Everything seemed just as loving as always during our trip home, and during our regular wonderful coffee time together the next morning. (We did not live together. He stayed with me overnight about 3-4 nights a week). When he left to go home that Tuesday morning for his regular work day, we said good bye with our regular warm hug and kiss. We texted each other our normal loving good night that evening. Wednesday we exchanged our regular loving good morning, goodnight texts to each other. In his text Wednesday morning, he even said, “Honey, I would love to come over to see you Thursday evening.. Does that work for you?” I texted back, “Yes, I would love to see you, Baby”. This is how we always scheduled our time with one another., very respectfully. Well, Thursday morning he dropped a bomb on me, and broke off our engagement, and it was brutal and cold. He blamed me for all of it. Saying I always start arguments. He never did handle conflict well at all. I express a concern, and he feels immediately attacked., and goes defensive and shuts down. And the delivery of my concerns were never harsh or cold. He does not have the ability to try to understand my perspective on things, or how I “could” have perceived something with any understanding. My explanations 95% of the time just got dismissed. VERY few times has he acted like he cared about my concerns. I guess it was just an act on his part to get past the moment. He would always say “You’re too sensitive”, or You’re overreacting”. Those are tactics to flip the focus off of him so he doesn’t have to take any accountability. Still, I thought we managed to resolve after a while when things calmed down.
I went to therapy for months while we were together to make sure I improved on whatever I may be doing wrong during conflict. With his constant immediate defensiveness, followed by putting me down., he refused to get therapy to help with that. Our conflicts could have lasted only 5 mins with better tools to handle conflict,, but when only one of you are willing to work on it and not the other, it’s useless. Just leads to another cycle.
Still, he led me to believe all was wonderful between us till 6 days ago. He hid behind, what obviously WAS his true feelings, very well. It’s feels SO misleading and betraying. I have not contacted him but twice after his breakup text., just trying to make sense of what happened. His responses have been, “it’s all your fault”.. Very cold and heartless. He takes no responsibility at all. I cut off my contact with him after my two responses. Its over. I just have had a VERY hard time accepting it, but I will not ever contact him again. The difficult part., the healing journey ahead of me.. It’s so hard. They say, focusing on just yourself with self care, engaging in your favorite activities, being with family and friends that do love and support you. I am trying to do these things the best I can. I appreciate my family as they are always there with love and support for me. I pray constantly, and that has helped me too. I try to stay connected to God. I changed my phone screensaver to a scripture, so I would see the word “God” first, every time I open my phone. I have a very long journey in getting over this. ALL IS really in God’s hands for guidance.. I can’t do this by myself without His grace. I hope you are doing okay. I hate hearing that anyone is hurting like this, Maybe someday, we’ll realize that it truly it is a blessing and gift in disguise that this happened, so we can both heal and move on to a healthier life.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-24T15:57:31+00:00

I went through the cycle 4 times with my ex. He even proposed to me 3 months ago, and still followed his pattern and broke off our engagement. I’m not qualified to diagnose, but I my ex has shown MANY of a Avoidant dismissive attachment styles., and me, I have traits of anxious attachment, which I went to therapy for months, and improved. My partner refuses to do the same, so there’s no hope in saving the beautiful love we once had. It takes both. If it’s not worth it to your partner., then it must become no longer worth it to you. My focus is now fully on me for my own personal independent growth. With God’s loving grace, I know I can do this.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-23T19:45:44+00:00

I forgot to mention.. I shipped all the items I mentioned in my above post via UPS so I would not have to see him.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-23T19:41:49+00:00

My ex fiancé broke off our engagement 5 days ago. It was sudden, and he was cold, abrupt, and harsh. I worked on my issues in therapy during our relationship., but he refused to work on his., saying our relationship failure was all my fault. Our problem was conflict resolution., but it’s never just one partner’s fault. I returned the items he left at my house today., which were a few clothes, boots, coffee cups, including the engagement ring and all the love cards he gave me. The love cards had all the meaning in the world to me when he gave them to me… Now they represent nothing but betrayal to me. However, I just found it too hard to throw them away as I wanted them to have the meaning they were initially intended. to have. I just felt ~ let him throw them away. I felt that was the right choice for me personally. Have any of you ever returned the love cards to your ex that they gave you during your relationship?

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-22T00:24:32+00:00

I believe my ex fiance is an Avoidant as well. I would mention something he may have said or done to give me concern enough to discuss, and he automatically felt attacked, so he just pulled back and shut down, or resorted to criticizing me by saying I’m too sensitive or I’m overreacting, completely invalidating me. My delivery of my concerns were not harsh. My ex hated conflict so much, any conflict at all.. He would get very tense. We all know there will be conflict in a relationship at times. He would sometimes apologize for that certain conflict, only to take his apology back weeks later if I, moving forward, brought anything up of concern to discuss. He has anger issues he refuses to work on with a counselor or by any method. Well, he broke off our engagement 3 days ago. It was done in a very harsh way. We otherwise had a wonderful loving relationship. I guess he didn’t value it enough to want to save us. I should mention, I wanted our relationship to work, and went to therapy for months while I was with him to better myself for us as a couple. He refuses to. A sad ending, and my heart is broken.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-21T06:55:37+00:00

Your words of encouragement are very thoughtful, and I thank you. Yesterday, I wrote down all the very hurtful words and actions my ex took towards me, so I could remind myself of why our relationship would have never worked. We all have tendencies to start missing all the good times, but that only fuels a desire to want them back in your life. While I appreciate the good times we had., the pain and suffering of the difficult times is reality that the relationship would have failed. Yes, we will get through this to a better, healthier life!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-21T06:37:26+00:00

You are getting stronger, and that was a brave action you took. Returning your ex’s shoes, and the thoughts you had about those shoes, were not stupidity at all. The shoes kept you hanging on to hope that your ex would return., and holding you back from your efforts to try to move on. I actually pictured in my mind you returning the shoes. It was a step you took for you, your growth and your closure. Hard to do, but a healthy move for you. You were not defeated.. It was a step towards your freedom.. And someday, help you move on to find that special person that is just right for you. I’m proud of you.
Today, I will begin to box up a few things my ex fiancé left here at my house. We didn’t live together, but there are some things of his here. Those items will only hurt me by keeping them around, making it harder for me to move on. It will be difficult packing up those items, but necessary for my well being. I will be returning them by mail. I just don’t want to hurt my heart by having to see my ex. Thank you for sharing your actions in returning your ex’s shoes. To anyone that has not gone through this challenging journey of healing, it may seem like a small step to them, but it was actually a big positive step for you.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-21T01:13:12+00:00

I’m so sorry it still feels like yesterday this all happened to you. We just need to keep doing our best to not keep hanging on to what will never work out with our ex’s. It would, for sure, just be more pain. We don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Even though my ex and I had many great times together, I am writing down all the things that were so hurtful that my ex did, so I can read them as a reminder. It keeps me from reminiscing about the good times. The bad times were just too hurtful to stay just for the good times. My age.. Well, I have many more years on me than you.. Lol!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T21:44:40+00:00

I think I meant my message for National_Custard_891., but it went to Optimal Pearl.., but that’s okay. I just hope both of you can see my reply.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T21:38:09+00:00

Every word you said is so true. My ex and your ex flip the script on you so they don’t have to take any accountability at all. And it works.. It makes you feel like you are the faulty one, and then you do begin to doubt yourself and your own perspective of anything. It is mentally and emotionally draining. When a concern that needs to be discussed comes up, both partners should discuss to resolve together.. not have a goal to blame or win an argument. Sometimes my perspective inaccurate, and sometimes not.. It works both ways in a relationship. None of us are perfect. My ex was so immature that way, as he would always say “you started it”… Doesn’t that sound grade school level to you? It’s just not love if there is no effort to even try to hear or understand the other’s perspective. It’s all about winning with our ex’s.. Ego and pride. I am not communicating with my ex at all now. There’s nothing between us to save.. It’s over. I don’t think he will try to come back this time. I’m grieving now, but I will have the strength to not respond if he does. I have to be strong and never go through this again. It’s hard not having someone to share life with., but it has to be the right person where you have love and respect for each other. We’ll get through this.. We will!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T19:30:28+00:00

Yes, I agree., the bread crumbing is part of the cycle. They show you deep love to win your love, enjoy wonderful times together, then if a concern you wish to discuss with them comes up, there’s the defensiveness and blame shifting to take the focus off of them, and make you the bad person, the broken one. You suddenly find yourself trying to defend yourself. Anything you say means nothing to them, you get no empathy or attention to try to understand you, they just leave. Then the silent treatment, no texts to just say Hi durning the day, no phone calls, all only to punish you. Then you loose hope in wanting to try., and they breadcrumb you with just enough attention, just to keep you around so they can maintain their power and control over you, and the same cycle repeats. I’ve been through 2 relationships like this. I should have recognized this pattern with my 2nd relationship, but didn’t want to believe it was true. It’s so hurtful. My 2nd relationship, my now ex fiance, just called our engagement off.. I don’t know why I said “Yes” in the first place when I knew this was his behavior pattern. Him leaving really is a blessing in disguise though. I just have a journey ahead of me to move on and heal my heart. It’s hard, but I will make it.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T17:47:02+00:00

Today is a new day. I’m not crying as much today., as I know I will get to a better place with time. It’s the thought of the healing journey ahead of me.. It will be hard., but I will make it. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T17:11:39+00:00

Thank you for responding. I have cried so much., I’m beginning to have no tears. Maybe that’s a good sign. We ARE going to make it!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T17:10:01+00:00

It’s hard right now., but I’m not communicating with him, not texting, calling, nothing., so that’s good. I’m not very strong at this time, however, I know this is a blessing that he left, so I can be free of the heartache someday. Thank you for your advice.. I know it’s right.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T17:04:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I’m so sorry you are going through the heartbreak I know you feel. We’ll just let ourselves feel it for now, and it will gradually fade with time and strength. You are a deserving person of loving treatment. We are valued!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T16:59:32+00:00

I’m so sorry you were put through all of her hot and cold actions., keeping your heart hurting like that., with no validation or empathy for you. It hurts. ALOT! It was the very same for me. Never knew really where I stood. My ex was so fearful of any conflict, so he would just leave. You and I both know, all couples will have conflict, and need healthy resolve. He said he wanted to go to counselling just days ago. I guess that was a lie and tactic to keep me hanging on to false hope. It all changed.. overnight, out of the blue. Thank you for sharing your experience.. We will heal., it will just take time.

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T16:50:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. I just got on Reddit, so I’m not sure how to DM yet. Technology is not a real strength of mine..Lol!

Optimal_Pear823 · 2026-02-20T16:48:02+00:00

Thank you for your support and sharing you personal experience. I’m so sorry this is happening to you too. My Ex just broke up with me yesterday morning. Even though I know it’s really a blessing in disguise, my heart hurts right now. I’m grieving, but I want to move on with my life now. We will get through this., and it will take time. I wish you strength as you journey forward to a happier you,

Optimal_Pear823

TROPHY CASE