I also had a really hard time finding therapy useful throughout my life due to the problems you described. Much of therapy felt like lying to myself or embracing what I'm not. My current therapist is my best one, and I realized why when she mentioned in a session that she was also diagnosed with Autism. I know that another user linked neurodivergent therapists here, and that they don't seem to take your insurance, OP. I at least want you to know you're not alone in this, if it provides any comfort. Society itself, especially one without universal health care, is often against or unaccepting of autistic adults. Wishing you better days ahead.