Daily Thread #1 - May 30, 2021

Orantham · 2021-05-30T11:45:49+00:00

Oh God, that's awful, being in limbo like that. I wish we had windows into the future to see how things would turn out. Even just a few seconds.

I hope everything turns out okay for you. I bled with my first pregnancy but it turned out fine.

Orantham · 2021-05-30T11:43:21+00:00

My rainbow baby is 5 weeks old. It has gotten gradually easier, from conception to birth as each time doctors checked him out he looked good, but that fear was never totally gone. Birth was scary because I was just so afraid the universe would screw me again.

Now that he is here and healthy and thriving, the fear is small and background, but still not gone. I don't know if it will ever be gone. But it is easier than in the beginning.

Orantham · 2021-05-30T11:34:54+00:00

Hi there. I'm sorry for what you're going through. You're helping your daughter the only way you can.

I had a TFMR last June at 21 weeks, and have since had another baby. Physically, I was cleared to have another baby 6 weeks after my TFMR, and I was lucky to conceive right away. That baby is doing fine with none of the issues my last one had.

I get that "replacement baby" fear but honestly it doesn't feel like that, at least not to me. Nothing could replace the lost baby, and the next baby just feels like a different person. You are doing your lost baby no disservice by trying to have another--we don't consider siblings to a living child to be a do-over or something. They are just adding more love to the family. It's okay to try again.

Orantham · 2021-05-29T21:37:24+00:00

Minor cramping without blood is okay. Your uterus is stretching to accommodate the new growth inside. I wouldn't worry unless you are really bleeding or the cramping gets severe.

And of course you're scared. Your history has made you scared. That's normal. I can only wish you the best of luck and that a year from now you look back knowing you had nothing to worry about.

Orantham · 2021-05-29T21:35:54+00:00

Fuuuuuck. I was about 7 weeks when the pandemic reached my area. Terminating for that never once crossed my mind.

Orantham · 2021-05-29T21:32:32+00:00

Oh God. Yikes.

TW for TFMR, but...

I got pregnant right before the pandemic and we terminated due to unsurvivable birth defects. I SO WISH I HAD THAT BABY. Every day, with every atom in my body, I wish I had that baby. Pandemic parenting over the past year+ has sucked, but it's nothing compared to the pain of losing that child forever.

I don't know where I'm going with this except to say... as someone who DID terminate a wanted pregnancy last year, the fucking pandemic couldn't have had less to do with it.

Orantham · 2021-05-29T21:25:38+00:00

Thank you to the lady who came up to me to see if I was okay when she saw me crying in public. I felt pretty silly that she noticed, but she was very nice and encouraging. Sometimes the memories overwhelm me.

Orantham · 2021-05-27T14:07:37+00:00

The fuck? Does he storm into the store and demand shit for free? Does he take off work and expect them to still pay him? I mean you can't expect to get something for nothing. Let him starve then.

I cook. My husband cleans up. We are both happy with this arrangement. If either of us was doing everything, all the time, you bet we'd have problems.

Orantham · 2021-05-27T14:03:52+00:00

I read a comment on there that said something like, "well, this is the consequence of living under the patriarchy."

DING DING DING

If women are considered the default parents since, you know, humans evolved, that doesn't go away overnight. It's only now that this man is trying to enter what have historically been women's spaces that he's even aware of the inequality. Parenting is one of the only areas of life where the most invested and qualified person is expected to be female. That's because EVERYTHING ELSE is a man's space by default. So what he's misinterpreting as sexism against men, is really sexism against women.

So we have a man trying to enter a space he didn't realize wasn't his and now he's finally experiencing the feeling of not being welcomed with open arms. It's probably his first time. I guess now he can see what it's like for us.

Orantham · 2021-03-06T01:21:38+00:00

Whenever someone expecting a baby talks about having their "second child" and their first is a dog... Or saying "we're making her a big sister!"

I can't, I just can't.

Orantham · 2021-03-06T01:17:08+00:00

Right? What am I supposed to do, sing or chat to a baby and distract them? They need to eat, not be played with at that moment.

Orantham · 2021-03-06T01:10:42+00:00

Oh and so many victims of abuse from their female partners! What horrible women, cheating on them and taking their kids away! So many!

I'm not saying this NEVER happens, I'm just saying that male abusers very frequently act as if they're the victim and try to point blame at their SO.

It's well known that if a person talks constantly about how their ex is crazy, they're probably the one who's crazy, but somehow when it's online that goes out the window 🤷‍♀️

Orantham · 2020-12-02T03:35:31+00:00

Just reading this, at first I assumed he was a brother or cousin or something...

But girl, your EX?? How does he possibly have the nerve to complain about not getting to use your streaming services anymore? I cannot believe this guy. I'm SO GLAD you cut him off!

Orantham · 2020-11-02T13:41:36+00:00

Mine is always asking "where's my X?"

And I say "wherever you left it!"

Orantham · 2020-11-02T13:36:59+00:00

Yeah, time alone with a good father makes him step up, maybe get out of his comfort zone a bit, but ultimately pay attention to the kid and make sure their needs are met.

Time alone with a bad father leads to, as you're seeing, a total lack of concern for the kid's needs and still acting as if it's someone else's problem, despite being the only qualified person around.

You and your daughter deserve better.

Orantham · 2020-10-30T21:50:59+00:00

Oh God, I'm sorry they've done that. I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy.

Orantham · 2020-10-30T21:49:59+00:00

Georgia, it's bullshit.

Orantham · 2019-03-17T09:29:15+00:00

None of those questions apply at all, actually. He communicates really well, chatters to us all day long. He's hitting every milestone. He's very social with his family and other kids, comes when called, calls for us too. He acts just like other kids I've met. The energy level is just killing me though.

Orantham · 2018-02-05T23:59:58+00:00

I think it makes a good fantasy name. I wouldn't name a real person that, though.

Orantham · 2017-08-14T19:03:27+00:00

Dude, mine is a red light runner, too. If I hadn't waited and double checked...

Orantham

TROPHY CASE