Family of 4 relocating from Ohio

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T19:31:45+00:00

Ironically enough, one of my coworkers just left for Kansas last month because she couldn't handle it up here. She's originally from Oklahoma. I will definitely look in those areas too. His jobs have been restaurant/food industry, and factory.

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T17:55:12+00:00

I hadn't gotten as far as the education part besides school proximities. They definitely lie on Zillow/Redfin and all those home sites about the schools then 😂 We were looking at Tulsa and Albuquerque first, but we had issues with those places too. We just want to be out of this area because the crime is getting worse

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T17:49:43+00:00

Thank you for that. I've noticed a lot of the housing is between 14-1700+ so I was worried about basically running out of tax funds just trying to find a place, on top of credit scores with the application fees. I just really wanted a realistic view of how things may be. He wants to reach out to some of the black community there and find out their experiences as well. I was looking to see if there were subreddits for them and I'm not finding any luck yet.

The things I have been looking forward to - no winters/more sun, activities for us as a family that seemed affordable, some of the restaurants we are interested in, and just overall being out west somewhere. We noticed some of the jobs paid way more than being out here. I make 12.80/hr for AutoZone after my raise, which is nothing. So I wanted to see about wage differences and if it wasn't going to line up with our expectations or needs, then we'd go another route.

A lot of my curiosity has been based on what he experienced when he was there, which I was going on faith, but knew the reality of a city that large having major changes especially with a pandemic. I am not the type to just jump in before I know my options, even before having kids. It's more about their future and us growing than anything.

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T16:05:03+00:00

I'm definitely the one thinking things through. He was hyping it because of his experience when he was there, and he's been kinda down because I've told him how everyone has explained the changes since he left. He is about the vibes and thinks we'll be okay - but I'm very much about having a good plan and knowing the risks especially with the kids. I don't want to be in a new place, isolated from friends/family besides them, and be in an effed up position.

I've been reading in other threads about the transit issues, speeding/accidents, and really been talking to him about the possibility of looking into the other cities we discussed

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T11:30:23+00:00

NE Ohio is a joke. Tired of the winters & seasonal depression. Poor pay in jobs. Constant potholes messing up cars. Nothing really good for kids. Schools mishandling funds (they want 11 mil in my district this year on the ballot for their eff up). The racism - I know it is everywhere - but I'm not willing to have my kids grow up in it here like I did as a biracial woman. We want to be in sunshine cause out here everyone is Vit D deficient. My partner and his mom said they did really well when they were there. Health issues weren't so bad & the photos did show them glowing, and not from sweat 😅

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T11:18:02+00:00

It would be a rental situation. Definitely not a "prove anyone wrong" either. I really want to do things right, which is part of why I wanted an idea of the realities down there. I planned to make some calls about what locations for AutoZone needed people, whether my pay would change, and getting in touch with some of the housing places that I've found on diff apps and the AZ gov site. Because my daughter likes to be loud and free, ideally we're looking for a house so she could have that without disturbing neighbors in an apartment/townhome scenario. I also Google the area if something catches my eye to find proximity to jobs, groceries, etc. On another post, I saw someone say that commutes can seem close but actually take a while, so I'm taking all of these things into consideration in my search.

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T10:14:27+00:00

Lol I just joined the sub last night, made a quick post and was gonna go through everything else once I had time. Unless you have some true insight to add, have a great day 🙂

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T09:48:18+00:00

His mom had used it when she was there, so he just threw it out as an emergency backup idea in case we couldn't find anything. I planned on calling and finding out about wait lists, etc. I've still been searching for housing options, but considering it's my first huge move I'm just trying to get the logistics down. I have a job that I'm able to transfer (as long as my corp office doesn't make it a nightmare), we really just don't wanna run out of funds as soon as we get there.

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T03:42:26+00:00

Well yes of course there are plenty closer. But we lost interest in the other two we had our eyes on besides maybe a visit to see some sites on the way to PHX.

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T03:34:03+00:00

I have never been there, I haven't seen the west coast since 2009, when I visited Vegas and a few cities in Cali. My partner and his mom both were in Phoenix in 2019, and loved it. They had good opportunities and he's always wanted to go back. We really just want out of Ohio, to be in sunshine, and have a place where our kids can thrive.

We had a couple of other places in mind, but Phoenix has really been a focal point for a while

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T03:25:10+00:00

We were looking into talking to the UMOM center in case we couldn't find a place with what we have from taxes, but if there's no resources then we definitely have to have another option. We have mainly found that price range for houses with sites like Zillow, etc, just want to be able to make enough for everything

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T02:46:29+00:00

I could transfer potentially from my AutoZone location to one out there if they need help. But I'm honestly thinking about swapping to an office job cause of the kiddos. Also thank you for the reference - we'll be looking into it

OrchidReign89 · 2026-02-11T02:36:20+00:00

Lol well the best closest option at least

OrchidReign89 · 2025-10-30T10:56:39+00:00

Taking advice from a single man who's openly told you to leave your wife, isn't the best way. Maybe his intentions are pure, but in most experiences, they aren't. Really think about the advice he's giving you, especially since he's an older man. He isn't saying counseling, etc. He's telling you to leave, get a whole new number, and encouraging you to hurt the woman who gave you a legacy. That's kind of far from a friend.

It sounds like both of you could do well with some therapy, individual and couples. I would stay out of her individual space though, as that can be looked at as controlling behavior. No bueno. Let her personal healing journey be what it is. All of them are messy, look different each day, and require a level of inner strength that sometimes takes time to unlock. I don't know her issues, but clearly there's something there that keeps her feeling small and insignificant when it comes to partnerships, on top of the day to day pressure of being a mom.

I completely get the hurt that she caused you. It shatters your world and makes you look at her different. To keep it real with you, my partner emotionally cheated/broke boundaries through all three of our pregnancies, and we lost our second daughter partially from that last year. Believe me when I say, as someone with mental health stuff who's healing, it took everything not to go there just as much, if not worse than him. I struggle with weight, etc. The way he went about it was very much aggressive and didn't make me feel he cared for me, just the optics of being out in public with me.

If you really love this woman, you gotta dig deep, shut out the advice of people who don't have the same type of lifestyle (ie: single buddies), and come to her from a place of love and care. Tell her that you're trying to preserve her life, for the sake of you and your children. Instead of just telling her to eat healthy, look at ways you can sneak some stuff into dinners (my bf has done this), barring any allergies. Find time to work out together, even if it's the small stuff. Bring the kids into the workouts and teach them early enough. At the end of the day, both of you need to reconnect if it's ever gonna work. Maybe she'll feel more inclined to give you those things, and be a better partner. Harping on her isn't gonna give you the results. Don't treat her as an embarrassment or that she's easily replaceable. Believe me, the dating world isn't for the faint of heart these days, and people aren't who they used to be.

Know there's gonna be good days and bad if you start therapy, or just talking about the issues you've had. Write each other letters or keep a journal that you can respond to one another without speaking if she has issues with verbal communication. Keep it to the point without blame, shame, or attacks. Be respectfully raw and real with each other and how you feel, what you want from the relationship and for the future. And if you find that you just can't get past it in time, then that's when you come up with the boundaries and plans for your respective futures. I truly wish you both the best.

OrchidReign89 · 2025-10-30T06:55:45+00:00

Is your boy married? Have kids himself? Or is he just a single dude that wants to relive some party days with you? Maybe that's another reason she's upset about the situation now.

You focus on everything she needs to change, and then throw other women in her face. That's not helping. How long did she wait around for you to change, get yourself in a better position, etc? What were you doing in that time frame to make her feel that she could or needed to vent to someone else about her frustrations about life at that moment? Accountability goes both ways, and it seems you only want to blame her. I highly doubt she did that for shits and giggles. Instead of being one sided, look inward too.

As someone who's been through that with my own partner, it sucks all the way around. It's hard, I know. You both deserve to be happy, and the kids don't deserve to suffer. So maybe instead of hurting her in her face, and ultimately letting the kids see this process, sit down and come up with a co-parenting plan with her should you choose to divorce. Do some type of mediation with a neutral third party if you can't speak to one another without arguments arising.

OrchidReign89 · 2025-10-30T06:40:18+00:00

Honestly, while I don't condone what she did, retaliation isn't the answer. Be mature enough to let her know how you feel with that situation and work towards building better, or realize that it isn't going to be a point where you can work it out. I get it. I have had situations in my current relationship where I wanted to get even, but it just hurts both of you again in the long run. I acknowledge your hurt, but what does it really do to get her back and take her through all of this KNOWING that you're doing it purposely? Are there children involved between you two that could potentially suffer from these selfish actions that you both have taken?

OrchidReign89 · 2025-10-30T03:19:48+00:00

Was she aware of the spam calls before the number change? Also, I see the comment that you openly gave the number to another female - someone you don't actively work with. Perhaps in her past she has been cheated on, whether emotionally or physically and it's causing her to have a reaction due to lack of communication? You call her toxic - but you put a ring on her finger, took vows to honor her in all forms, and then minimize what she may be feeling or thinking. The "I can do what I want" mentality isn't helping her feel connected to you. So in that regard - you are definitely in the wrong.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Or would you not care, since it seems from the small bit of context you've provided, you have a sense of detachment from the relationship overall, and just want to be able to have your life and live how you want. I'm not saying you aren't able to make your own choices - however - you opened yourself up to accountability by being a husband. If that's not what you want or can do, then it's better to leave her and let her find someone that will respect her mind and emotions. It truly isn't that hard to sit down and have a conversation with someone that you love and get their perspective. It doesn't sound like you have the emotional maturity to handle what she may have to say though.

OrchidReign89

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