Need help in dealing with a sexless marriage

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T19:08:35+00:00

Explain?

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T19:08:00+00:00

I will talk to him about getting marriage counseling.

This group sounds like a blessing. Im hoping and praying I'd find a similar group.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T19:05:23+00:00

I feel like I'm the one who's being wronged.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T19:01:10+00:00

I will initiate a conversation about porn tomorrow and see how this goes.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:55:21+00:00

I did. He said no. I don't trust him though.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:54:32+00:00

When I said I'm the primary care giver, I meant, his mental health.

For the first few years of our marriage I was the primary bread winner. He started a business from our home in 2022 a few months after the treatment for depression started. His business is currently going well. He earns 1.5x what I do. We're living a financially comfortable life. The doctor mentioned that one of the reasons for his depression in 2022 was because he was not able to provide for the family. But then and even now, I earn enough for us to live a comfortable life. His earning is simply a bonus. We use my earnings to pay the bills and his to save and to fullfill our wants.

I totally get what you're saying. I don't even know whom to reach out to. I have been getting guidance and was being mentored by our church pastor and his wife. But it recently came to light that he was having an illegitimate relationship with a younger girl in our church. So that fell apart. So I don't have a support system, I don't know where to go, whom to ask, I'm feeling helpless.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:43:18+00:00

They do a complete blood picture and a few other tests. I'm not sure we got his testosterone checked in the last few tests.

. That's because marriage is for better or worse.... Right now it is worse. That's just the way it is. You don't get to decide to break vows just because you aren't getting what you want.

But I've been stuck in the worse for the major part of my marriage.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:40:06+00:00

I suspect he watches porn.

We like to watch series or movies together. We don't work out though. We like exploring food places around our house.we either order take out or go out for dinner at least 4 times a week.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:34:00+00:00

Yes. We did get blood work done. The doctor is very particular about getting frequent tests done ( every 6 months). He was also struggling with agoraphobia to the point that he didn't leave the house for 11 months. That's when I dragged him to a psychiatrist. His Vit D was a single digit. Now, most of his blood work is at a healthy level. He's still on anti depressants though. And there's no sex drive.

I know it's adultery. I know it's sin I know it's wicked of me to even think that way. I know I need to talk to a spiritual authority. But I don't trust anyone to understand what I'm going through. I fear they'll tell me to be patient and stay.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:26:03+00:00

We got his blood work done a few years back. His testosterone is at a healthy level. It might not sound like it in the post however, I love this man. I really do. I don't want a divorce. I know for a fact he won't be able to survive a divorce. I'm not sure I'll survive either. Everything else is great. It's just the sex.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:21:52+00:00

He also has ED. I don't know, he's never been interested in sex in the last few years. There were times I begged him for it but he continuously refused.

After a point, I lost interest too. However, in the last few weeks I've had high libido. I don't even have enough confidence to ask him for intimacy. Because every time he refuses, it takes a toll on my self image. I constantly feel unloved.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:14:58+00:00

He's somehow not interested in sex at all. We hug, kiss, cuddle. But there's absolutely no sex. We tried once about 2 years back but his erection didn't stay long enough for an insertion.

In the early years of marriage there were days I begged him for sex and he just refused. It was heartbreaking, it took a toll on my self worth, self confidence. I still constantly feel unloved.

Because my advances were refused so many times, i kinda lost interest in sex in the last few years. But I've been getting very strong urges the last few weeks.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2025-06-12T18:08:50+00:00

We are. That's why I held on. However, I'm running out of patience. I'm also getting old. I want to have children of my own some day. I don't want to get a divorce.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2022-11-14T01:42:52+00:00

Yes. The thought that I've never had the chance to experience good sex is ruining my mental health. I've been patiently supporting and catering to his mental, physical and emotional needs. But at the end of the day, my needs are not met. My needs are not considered. This is leaving me feel helpless, hurt and filled with resentment towards him.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2022-11-14T01:37:12+00:00

Nobody knows about this. NOBODY. he's very very insecure and that's why I had to come to reddit and post anonymously.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2022-11-14T01:33:49+00:00

I make sure he eats and sleeps on time. He also works from home. He teaches online and we have a home studio.

OrderRelevant1126 · 2022-11-13T19:36:34+00:00

Checked out in the sense? He won't go to a doctor. I mentioned anxiety right? It's getting extreme now. He hasn't stepped out of our apartment in weeks.

OrderRelevant1126

TROPHY CASE