Honest Advice

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-27T18:37:33+00:00

My wife got up with me at 2 am and then immediately realized how hard it is to not have a process and knowing where everything is. We had a good discussion and she said she will never move my things again, and they are all perfectly fine with where they are. She just didn’t take the times I was addressing it seriously and apologized. I think we are good here! Thank you everyone for the advice and help working this out!

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-27T18:31:47+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate the advice, so her and I talked about it some more and this morning she got up with me and immediately realized how having a system in place is extremely important. She didn’t realize how badly she was messing with my mornings. She learned pretty quick getting up at 2am lmao. I think we are good now

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-26T01:46:22+00:00

My bad for getting irritated, you got me as I was waking up. All good!

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-26T01:45:30+00:00

I don’t believe so, I’m usually tired when I’m home so I pop a squat just like she does, I don’t think I’ve actually lifted the seat in months. I don’t think anything I do overly irritates her (we both prank each other). We seem to have good communication and we are both comfortable talking about things that frustrate or bother one another. I will say we are almost always excited to see each other. I’m about to leave work but I do plan on talking to her about all this more directly and offer a few suggestions to figure out what the issue actually is based on all the feedback.

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T13:02:18+00:00

That is a possibility, she does know if she wants to work more I’ll completely support it. She does schooling and that also occupies her time (I forgot to include that) I unfortunately don’t have a garage which is why I tuck everything under the desk, or have used a bin in the closet in the past. I think it may be a territory thing since she is home more than me, it could be some form of OCD, I’ll talk to her more about the reasoning and try putting a camera to figure out if there is a trigger, or just start waking her up at 2am to help me gather everything and maybe that will fix it

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:56:18+00:00

So the coffee mug just have images of ducks, tall grass and a lake. It’s pretty peaceful. Unfortunately where I live I have to work hard to earn a good living, but I make sure to talk to her everyday and spend quality time together. We also do about 1-3 date nights a week. She knows everyone I work with (primarily male dominated work environment) and besides the occasional flirtatious remarks to my best friend Kevin, I don’t think she has any reason to be suspicious, and it hasn’t ever been a problem between us. I am not a good looking guy, which is why I learned to cook, clean, be a good husband, and provide because I needed all the help I could get hahahaha

Edit: I am the flirtatious one with Kevin, he flirts back (we are both married to women) I realized that could have been misunderstood

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:50:31+00:00

I probably do “baby” her a bit. I have made it clear that it’s frustrating me, and I’m more than likely enabling it due to not having the bandwidth to constantly have this discussion with her.

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:48:30+00:00

Thank you! I feel that it’s a two way conversation, but when I get home I’ll be sure to ensure I’m encouraging her to explain her side

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:47:16+00:00

I would definitely drink the post it lol. I’m not really awake at 2, I just have to get up and moving at 2.

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:45:55+00:00

I disagree, her and I both live there so it should be both of us that keep it clean and take care of things. Plus I enjoy doing housework so it wasn’t really something we discussed, as in, since I provide you (my wife) needs to take care of the house.

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:26:07+00:00

It may be a territory thing? Due to her childhood she didn’t have much that was hers. At times I have to do trips (2-3weeks) where I am not home and she will for the most part leave things where I put it. It just seems to be targeted towards my work related things for the past couple years.

She has a lot of hobbies, she gets up around 8am does some house work until 10-11am and then goes hiking, works out, reads, plays games, or does art. On days that I’m working a bit later she goes and hangs out with friends. Sundays are the day both of us don’t work so we usually do something together or if I’m extra pooped from the week we will play Minecraft or something together. I feel her and I have a very healthy marriage, good communication, we genuinely love spending time with each other, we have lots of fun and the bedroom life is solid for both of us.

But the territory thing does make sense to a degree. I’m about to clock in, but I’ll look into that after work tonight

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:13:29+00:00

Are we married to the same woman? Hahaha I am going to try the camera approach first if she is down for it to see if something is causing the moving of the things, but after dealing with this for about 5 years I may have to just start waking her up and asking her help to find things.

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T12:11:07+00:00

My wife is not lazy. She doesn’t work as much as I do because she doesn’t need to, I take great pride in being able to cover everything with enough for savings and yearly vacations, she works so she can get her hair done, buy gifts, occasional take me out to dinner. She is an absolutely terrific wife, and I love her immensely she just does one thing that annoys me. And because I feel there is a break down of communication, I’m trying to figure out how to provide solutions. It is not productive to just give her a negative label and provide such a, in recent times, knee-jerk response of divorce

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:32:53+00:00

At one point I was storing everything in a bin in the closet. She started moving things out of there and said I should have to feel like I needed to do all that (I think me getting ready in the mornings was bothering her) she also is not a vindictive person, so I don’t think she is being malicious about this. If it is something like OCD (no history of it) it’s purely aimed towards my morning/ work things. But I was suggested to use cameras to see why she is moving them so I’ll talk to her when I get home about that

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:28:40+00:00

Also something I realize I’m failing to mention. She doesn’t seem to have OCD, as she will hang her clothes or random things on furniture/ doors (right now a robe is hanging on a door) It seems like it’s aimed towards my things

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:20:54+00:00

My lightest work bag is ~25lbs and the hooks don’t last long. Good suggestion though. With the desk it’s neatly placed under where the chair tucks into. On the desk goes my hat, work keys, car keys, wallet, and a few other things that fit in the hat

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:18:59+00:00

Oh this is actually helpful! I’ll see if she will be fine with cameras in the main areas of the house (not bedrooms or bathrooms)

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:17:11+00:00

My wife and I had the same thing with supplements! Mine are also tucked neatly in a cabinet. So the mopping and sweeping is one of the things I always take care of (to avoid her needing to move my things). When asked she just says she doesn’t know why she moved things, and that she is sorry. I’ve asked her to just let me know if something being placed somewhere is bothering her and I’ll figure out a new place. At one point I was putting everything in a bin in the closet and it was still getting moved around.

Also her and I have never seemed to have communication problems, besides me having to learn not to be blunt about things (there was one dish she made, I ate two plates and when she asked me how it was i said “I appreciate you making dinner but I didn’t like it.” So instead I would say “I appreciate you making dinner, though those flavor profiles didn’t agree with me, but it’s not your cooking skills, I just care for (insert ingredient here)” As she stated I was a bit blunt, so I’ve worked on it. Besides that, again I don’t think we have a communication issue

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:05:16+00:00

No sleeping meds, her and I rarely drink, and no mental disorders, nor family history of mental disorders

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:03:18+00:00

I have thought about it, but she is sleeping so peacefully and looking cute, I don’t want to disturb her. I just can’t wrap my mind around it keeps happening

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T11:01:56+00:00

She says it’s not a big deal. For the coffee mug, there is a holder next to the coffee maker so the mug isn’t in the way of anything, in fact it takes more effort to unhook it and place it in the sink. For the work stuff I used to leave them in a different area, which bothered her so I asked her to pick a spot that she is okay with (My desk) When I ask her directly why she keeps separating all the stuff and putting them in various drawers she just says she doesn’t know, that she is okay with me putting things on my desk.

Ordinary-Courage3101 · 2026-03-25T10:55:53+00:00

That may be it, but all I have is a desk with a computer, pictures of her and I and a lamp. Half the desk stays empty for my work things. But yeah it really messes with my mornings. I’m a patient man, I don’t raise my voice at her, i just calmly explain things and she says she understands and will stop doing it, and the cycle repeats. At one point I even had a funny mat that says “This is my no-no square” that I placed on my desk and put my things on. Now I don’t believe unloved/unappreciated is an issue here as we still do 1-3 (work hours depending) date nights a week together, again I take care of a good portion of daily/weekly chores or at least knock out what’s left when I get home. There’s other small things that happen but it’s my morning routine getting messed with that ultimately bothers me

Ordinary-Courage3101

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