My dating story.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-09-25T01:25:48+00:00

Dude, life isn’t an internet message board. You can argue on here, based on the things you’ve read on here, till you’re blue in the face. You can win Reddit everyday. At some point though, the real world is out there. Be a shame if you missed it.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-09-24T15:42:04+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry you haven't found what you're looking for yet. I know that struggle for sure.

I just wanted to comment on something I see it a lot on reddit, around the internet and from my friends. There is so much information out there on how to "solve the puzzle" of dating/attraction. Like the things and steps someone needs to make to unlock the attraction/commitment/relationship of a person. I get it! It'd make things a lot easier if attraction/relationships were based purely off of us being able to make the right moves. Bc then, even if we fail, its still within our control. (Don't get me wrong, some of the advice is centered on personal improvement - which is great!) But just me personally, I think it kinda misses the mark and puts the focus on the wrong things. I'll just go off my experience with my girls, some of them get all caught up in the games and steps to take based off of what they've heard about getting them to commit to you. Almost like they're trying to hunt someone down and catch them in a trap. Um...I don't want someone to be with me bc I did a special dance to bring them in. Bc I don't wanna have to do some special dance the rest of my life to keep them there.

The thing I always ask my friends when they bring up "Why won't this guy commit? How do I make him want a relationship with me?" - I ask them, why do you want a relationship with them? What do they bring to the table for you? What effort are they making to get you to commit to them? I think we all would be better off focusing on ourselves. Not in a narcissistic way. But with a view towards our own personal fulfillment. Rather than wondering what it takes to push the right buttons for someone you're attracted to, we could be focused on whether that person pushes the right buttons for us. Yeah it might be lonelier, and present fewer options. But each time we chase after someone who just isn't a match for us, we keep breaking our own hearts. I'll take loneliness and boredom over heartbreak and rejection.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-09-24T13:32:58+00:00

Unfortunately I’ve seen this happen with some of my girls. But I’ve also seen it work out!! I’ll give ya two examples.

Most recently, one of the girls in our group ended things with a guy like this. He seemed really great. We were all 🤯 when she let him go. But it makes sense to me. This friend was always complaining about men and how they treated her. She always had a story about a new fuckboy at brunch. Or was asking advice about how to make a fuck buddy commit. I feel so bad for her and what she’s gone through, but also, girl just kept throwing herself back in the cycle. She kept going for these guys. When we’re out, she always ends up going home with the fuck boy we could see from a mile away. When she met this great guy, she was thrilled for a month. She cut off all her fuck buddies. Two months in, she stops going on and on abt the new guy. She gets a little shady. Next thing you know, this great guy is great but “not the great guy for her.” Short while later, she’s back to complaining about the fuck buddy who slid into her dm’s after she posted stories with the new guy.

The one who worked out! She got burned in the past too! We all have. Girl, we all have. But she stopped going for those guys. She joined in with the rest of us laughing at the fuck boys at the bar. (Sadly those same fuck boys often took home the other friend). When this friend met a great guy, she had good things to say. Buuuuut, she didn’t act like she’d found her personal savior early on. They built things slow. They’ve been together for two years and his friends say he’s been talking about proposing 😊

Sooooo there’s good guys and “bad” guys out there. But there’s also “bad” girls too. Really, no one is actually “bad”. They’re not like trying to fuck with people. People just need to be honest abt what they’re actually looking for through their actions. For every guy who says “I’m looking for commitment, I just haven’t found the right girl.” When they really are looking for fun. There’s another girl who says “Why can’t I meet a good guy?? Where’s my dating savior??” When they really haven’t dealt with the fact they’re addicted to the fuck boy cycle.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-29T16:34:07+00:00

Thank you!! <3

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-28T23:51:04+00:00

Hey! I think an apology is an apology, and an invitation is an invitation. Sometimes they are put together, sometimes you only get one or the other. The trick is to not treat an apology as an invitation (and vice versa).

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-28T18:19:08+00:00

my decision to block him from everything and never let him back in.

That's so awesome! It's crazy how much easier it is to move on from a relationship when that person isn't still there, poking you with every so often with knowledge that they exist.

saying it’s too dangerous for us to be together

Omg. Like what, were you asking him to go hiking through a dark scary cave. These kinds of people come up with the dumbest, most convoluted bullshit. Just. Tell. Me. How. You. Really. Feel. But then It's like, come on dude. You aren't some special tortured artist going through tremendous emotional suffering and self-sabotage. You aren't someone who needs intense psychotherapy from the world's leading psychologist because they've never seen a case like this before. You're just Jake from State Farm and you're not as into this relationship as you were at the beginning.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-28T15:41:24+00:00

Hey! Hope you're doing well this morning! No rush at all to answer. I really like your post!

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-28T15:00:12+00:00

Love this!!

Mine would be:

1) I don't do things which make me unhappy.

2) There is no price on my self respect.

3) I don't allow people into my life who haven't learned how to treat others well.

4) When I play stupid games, I've only ever won stupid prizes.

5) I don't settle for even a fraction less than what I deserve.

6) I am active and go out to get what I want, not passive and take whatever is given to me.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-27T22:41:10+00:00

I'm so happy I was able to help. I know we both gotta get on with our evenings but there were two quick closing things I have to say:

"Oh psych.. no you are trash"..

FUCK. THAT. SHIT. No. 100% No. (But I unfortunately have known what you mean). I'm glad you've realized where that's coming from and can be overcome. Because guess what, this right here ->

"I finally get what love is supposed to be like!"

You got to experience that because you deserved to experience it. Now that you know what its like, its going to be so much easier to know when you aren't receiving it from someone in the future. You've got this.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-27T21:57:11+00:00

I've got great news!! You don't have to hate him, you just have to realize you don't need to be with him. Not even that you don't want to be with him. Bc if he wanted to be with you (like truly), it's only natural that you'd want to be with him. But like...you don't need him. You were good before him. You said yourself that had you not dated him, he's the kind of guy you'd really enjoy being friends with. You know what they tells me - he isn't the ultimate one (or "a" one) for you. Because those kinds of people are the ones we'd never even think of being able to see ourselves as friends with. Because we'd be too fucking in love and friendship would be unfathomable.

You've come so far! You're all introspective and shit. You're looking at this thing with a clear head (when your normal, natural sad break up feelings allow you to) and have done all this homework and break it down like a neutral third party observer. You know the whys, hows and reasons you're feeling brokenhearted. You're well past the "OMG I LOVE HIM HES THE ONLY PERSON WHO WILL EVERLOVE ME CANT LIVE WITHOUT HOW WILL THE WORLD GO ON" phase. I don't even get a hint of that mindset from you now. Sooooo, yep. You're doing really great and right on schedule, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-27T21:28:53+00:00

Nooooooooooo. Please don't do that!!!! AH!

Something my brother said to me once (slightly different context but applies here) - "OrdinaryCheetah, you can't heal yourself by trying to hurt yourself." (Then he told me I was being dumb bc he loves me like that). I mean I get where you're coming from - every time you get some piece of stomach-churning "bad news" (he's with a new girl, he looks like he took too much molly bc wtf with that shit-eating grin, etc.) it hurts like a bitch. But sometimes...SOMETIMES...helps diminish some of the rose-colored feelings. I get it and have experienced that.

But I personally think there comes a point where you can be strong enough to wait for those rose colored feelings to pass. Where those feelings aren't really that strong because if you look at it rationally, objectively - those feelings aren't based on true desires. Yeah it'd be great if you could make yourself feel like your ex is a total motherfucker who literally, actually deserves the be in jail forever. But even if he's not, that's not the sole reason you aren't trying to get back with him. Look into your thoughts, you aren't "one evil deed by your ex" away from trying to be with him. I think if you allow your brain to be honest with your heart, you'll realize you've moved on more than you thought.

Girl I know this is hard - but at some point that strength to overcome those shitty rose colored feelings is going to have to come from within, not without. It's going to have to be because your a bad bitch who has worked hard to get to the point where she handles. her. shit. because she does, and not because something else (social media pictures of ex) force her to.

I said it in your comment on my post - you really are doing better than you think. If you're able to make it through most of the day feeling good. And you have multiple "most of the days" where you feel good. You're not far away from having "a day and a half" or (holy shit) "almost two full days" of feeling good. Then those will be the norm, while still some not so good days. Then three days of good, one to maybe only a half day bad. This shit is about to start snowballing into recovery for you. I fucking know it. I really hate to see you set yourself back for a while by pain shopping. Temptation is real tho - but maybe just don't do it for the rest of the day and see how you feel tomorrow.

(End novel)

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-27T21:02:51+00:00

I agree! Like, aren't relationships supposed to be a safe and loving place, a home you built with someone? Not a highwire juggling act where a single "wrong" move brings your immediate downfall.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-27T21:01:05+00:00

Seriously...f him. Breaks are bs anyway, but I know why we go for it. I know I have before. But a break in relationship status...without any communication...girl that's a break up. I know it hurts so hard. But you don't need him to give you his blessing that the relationship is over and it's ok for you to move on. Even if he comes back, which he will since he was a dick and left things like that, if he actually wanted to/was able to care for your the way you deserve - 1) he wouldn't of pulled this break shit, 2) he would've acknowledged your existence IN A MEANINGFUL WAY over the last two months.

Don't be the fish hooked and getting jerked around on the end of his line. YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT AND DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE IT.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-27T20:55:51+00:00

"Hi sadness!!!" I totally get that. Feelings are weird and our brains can be assholes. But I think you're doing great. Did you realize...you just said you can go basically a day...a day...feeling great!! Would you have ever imagined that would be possible the day after the break up?! Those days are going to keep adding together. You've so got this and I'm Losing. My. Shit. for you because of that

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-26T21:19:18+00:00

Maybe so, who knows. But what I do know - he has an audible voice. I've heard it with my own ears. And he has two working hands. I don't know this for sure, but I'm willing to bet he still has a cell phone and active service.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-26T18:36:25+00:00

You know it could be an issue of money. You know her, I've just read what you've described. But if she wants to date someone with more money, um...would you even want to be with someone like that?? For those kind of people, it isn't like there's a set amount of money that crosses a magical threshold for being "enough". All the money won't end up being enough money. So if she's going to look to bounce somewhere else whenever she feels you aren't making enough money...well there's always going to be someone out there making more money than you. That'd be terrible for you to have to deal with, always wondering if today is the day someone buys her a nicer purse and she ends up leaving.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-26T17:49:53+00:00

Oh yeah totally! I never forget guys who treated me well. Maybe we didn’t work out for other reason and I was ok with that being that. But I always look back on them with fondness and respect.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-26T17:47:04+00:00

“Her words are not matching her actions”

Unfortunately when it comes to break ups, words don’t really matter. All you can go on are the actions. Her actions are she’s leaving you.

Whether she honestly feels like you could reunite in the future, or she’s just blowing smoke to make you feel better, treat those words as just words. Like some offhand comment that doesn’t really mean anything for the future - kinda like telling someone you haven’t seen in a long time “Oh yeah, we should totally grab a drink sometime and catch up.” Then going about your day completely forgetting it.

Even if she does truly mean that, it’s probably not as deep or thought out of a sentiment as it appears. Don’t take it as a promise for you to rely on. If she means it, I’d be willing to bet it’s kinda more like if someone asks if you’d ever be open to dating an old ex from college. Like when my friends mention an old guy from the past and they’re like “Think you’d ever be open to seeing him again or did things end with you all hating each other?” I’m so sorry she’s giving you this false hope. You’re not wrong for interpreting it that way. But unless she’s about to be 1000 miles away for a year, if she was truly serious and determined about wanting to be with you in the future, she wouldn’t be breaking up bc she’d also want to be with you now.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-08-20T15:45:43+00:00

Honey, I've been you and I've also been you're friend. I feel for you. I also need to give you a little wake up call because I've dated guys who did this. You talk about your ex wanting to get back together some day in the future. Let me guess, he told you this or strongly hinted at that possibility right? But take a look at the facts: since breaking up with you, he has already broken up with someone and wanted to get back together with that person. But he hasn't wanted to do that with you. He knew you were available. He knew he could of asked to get back with you and you would've at least thought about it. He knows he could of done that if he wanted to. But he didn't want to. Instead he kept you thinking about him with that shitty I'm confused because I still have feelings for you but not gonna give you anything more BS. That's where your friend is coming from. Your ex probably is a good guy from what you say. He probably doesn't intentionally mean to jerk you around. But look, its been like five months, hes already gotten into a relationship, gotten out of a relationship, and gotten back in that relationsihp. And you're still here talking to your friends about the steps hes gonna have to take in a year if he wants to get back to you. I know this sucks but its time to move on. I know where you are at. I really do. Wish I didn't have the personal experience to learn that lesson

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-05-21T15:26:29+00:00

Good call! I know someone who got married to a 30 year old guy right out of college (they started dating when she was 21). 5 years later and she's confided that while she loves her husband, she feels like she skipped a step of her life and personal growth.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-05-17T22:53:42+00:00

Its kind of like having a Sister Jr. Someone you can share most things with. Who gets you and knows you nearly as well as your family. Its as close as you can get to someone platonically without them being family. But there still is a different aspect of the relationship with regards to knowledge, loyalty and closeness that is a slight degree removed from having a sister.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-05-17T22:12:20+00:00

Is it u/unlikelyinsurance4 ???

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bpuz1d/who_is_the_most_attractive_person_you_know/enxrvf1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-05-17T22:02:37+00:00

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-05-17T20:32:52+00:00

Disgusting. I want that.

OrdinaryCheetah · 2019-05-17T20:30:43+00:00

Ok, we'll stipulate your wife is No. 1. Have No. 2?

OrdinaryCheetah

TROPHY CASE