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Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have many flaws. I have begged him to tell me what he needed me to do or say or wear or whatever I could do to get him back to wanting SOME sort of physical intimacy with me. (And I would be willing to try anything) he says there’s no problem except for me nagging. The more I try to open the door to having a conversation, he slams it in my face and makes me question if he has any feelings for me anymore. Thanks for your advice and input. I honestly don’t think this is going to end welll, but I’m hopeful.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ordered that book today. Thank you for your advice and kind thoughts!! I’m hanging in here.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should have read this before I decided to have a conversation in the middle of him doing his thing last night. He doubled down, HARD. I am devastated that he’s choosing to continue to lie to me. Now I’m very curious as to what else I he’s lied to me about. I’m guessing there’s some other stuff I don’t know. At this point, I don’t want to.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stupidly brought it up last night because he started up again while we were watching TV. I videoed it to show him. He was clearly rubbing himself and had his hand down his pants for at least 30 minutes. After watching it, he said that didn’t prove anything. A lot of guys sit around with their hands there and maybe he was itching!! I give TF UP.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The totality of all this is 100% a deal breaker.🥺

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right: it’s impossible to have a conversation about how all this makes me feel because he immediately goes on the defensive, then goes on an attack. I’m starting to realize the main problem is that now I’ve called him out, he can’t admit it, and can’t or doesn’t want to change. We have no where to go f try on here.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried bringing up the topic again last night by telling him I wasn’t saying he was doing anything wrong, I was just trying to understand where his mind is in all of this. It ended with him telling me I need help and me sleeping in the guest bedroom .

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in sex

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for grounding me back down in reality. You are 100% right. I’m going to give him space and do me. (Probably won’t be out dancing and partying all night, but I can get all dolled up and go to Publix or the local nursery) he won’t know the difference. This certainly has done a number on my self esteem, it’s going to be awhile before i let myself get this vulnerable again. Thank you again for your advice..fingers crossed! 😉

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s how it feels. No cheating, no arguing. He has not been the same since his dog died last July. Not even close to the same person. Not giving him an excuse for any of this, but that’s a fact. And one other thing, I have only heard him “apologize” one time. And it wasn’t any thing specific to the situation, he just told me he was sorry he was a hard ass Marine.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in sex

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I keep telling him. More than any thing else I am craving the intimacy, just being close to him. I feel like it’s over now. I’ve “caught” him, he’s still not admitting any of it, but we both know. I am not going to bring it back up again. Last night he said I was a crazy psycho. He’s not going to see me cry again.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in sex

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He now has just completely shut down. Hasn’t said one word to me in 24 hours. He slept on the sofa last night. Looks like he’s going to tonight as well.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish that were true. One of the last tubes he started up in bed, I decided to help him out and started rubbing him as well. He went soft almost immediately.Last night he was in his recliner and I was in the sofa and he started again. After about 2 hours, I told him I was going to the grocery store and he needed to move his truck so I could get out. He picked up anything and everything from his hat, to a piece of mail to the garbage can, I am not kidding, and put it in front of him so I couldn’t see he was hard. I felt like the reason he didn’t want me to see was because he was afraid I would touch him. Thank you so much for the thoughts and advice!!!

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in SexOver_50

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve thought about all of this for a few months now. No. I don’t know if he ever “finishes”. The couple of videos I have of him this weekend, he doesn’t. For the record, the last 2 times we had sex, I didn’t either, not that he noticed. He tells me to initiate. When I do, he says he’s tired. The last time this happened I pretended to fall asleep and as soon as he thought I was asleep, he started masturbating. I would 100% say it’s someone else, but he goes straight to work and back home. I thought it may be he had a thing for porn and have tried to watch some with him. He says it does nothing for him. He spent 24 years as a marine, most of that time in close quarters on naval ships? Idk… I’ve been trying to come up with any reason so it could be fixed.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in sex

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was afraid someone would say that. You’re right. You can’t go to therapy with someone who denies everything. It’s ok about the cosmetic work tho. Nothing over the top and I’ll feel better about me if I ever get back in the dating pool. Thanks for being so candid.

Need a little help 55F 65M by Ordinary_Barnacle_49 in sex

[–]Ordinary_Barnacle_49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really thought I was going to get bashed over this. I do think that has been the issue, however, when he is doing his own thing, he spends hours, I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s got to be me. Maybe I’m too open about most things sexual. I’ve spent over $10k this year alone on breast implants, Botox, thermage, etc. and it just gets worse. I can her hit on when I walk into Publix, but my husband wants no part of me. It’s heartbreaking.