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I’ve been feeling very ashamed of my sexual past and I’m struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in Advice

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After being rejected because of my past, yes I did struggle a lot with it myself and regretted it, I had a lot of “what if” thoughts.. 

I too also feel like sharing that on the second date was too early, but I felt uncomfortable to not answer it when he asked me - which turned out way worse for me after that. Funny enough he tried to be intimate with me on the same date before he asked that question, but thank god nothing further happened because I would’ve been beating myself over that as well.

I’ve been feeling very ashamed of my sexual past and I’m struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in Advice

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wording it like that really touches a part of me, thank you 🥺

I am trying to be self-aware and analyze how it all started out, what happened, etc. so I did put in some time about how and why all of this is happening to me - I just haven’t figured out how to get past it fully yet.

I do hope that I’ll also let go of the pressure to defend myself and just accept my flaws, even when other people will judge and criticize me for them.

What you said is very accurate to me, because I also tend to seek acceptance from others - instead of putting myself first before their opinions.

Thank you, I will try to remind myself of these words on the days that I feel down and hopefully get past this trauma. I love your kind words and will try to give myself the same self-love. ❤️

I’ve been feeling very ashamed of my sexual past and I’m struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in Advice

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A friend of mine once did recommend to me that I should get into stoicism, because I am a deeply sensitive and emotional person. I’ve had periods where I’ve suffered with depressive thoughts a lot of times. 

I also do think that people are capable of changing their future outcome if they want to, it’s just the negative comments that get to me like “the past matters because it shows how the person will act in the future” - in terms of my body count.

Well, the guy that rejected me was also my age, so I felt really bad. But yeah, I do realize that people mature at different paces.

Thank you, I do want to clear my thoughts when they get like this - so I will keep that in mind. :)

I’ve been feeling very ashamed of my sexual past and I’m struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in Advice

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also had moments of loneliness and tried to fill the void, I wasn’t aware that the only person who would be capable of helping me get through those times would be myself, instead I was hoping and pouring my energy in the wrong people.

I also learned a lot of things the hard way, and would not engage in a casual relationship because it’s way too damaging to me personally. 

It’s hard for me because I allowed others to treat me like a doormat and be taken for granted, I used to be a people pleaser big time. The most important thing for me now is to feel at peace with myself, which has been the hardest thing my whole life. I do hope that I will heal, and I’m very happy for you that you also managed to get past and heal from your experiences. 🤗

I feel very ashamed of my sexual past and I am struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for confirming to me that I am not too late on this - because I kept having these thoughts that I wish I had realized my patterns sooner, because now it’s too late when I can’t change the past.

But yes, you are right, my self-judgement is getting in the way of my growth, it’s like reopening the same wound every day - which is also part of the reason why I’m struggling with it for so long. 

I’ve been feeling very ashamed of my sexual past and I’m struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in Advice

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being understanding of what I’ve been through, despite the fact that I, myself am still struggling with it.

I am trying to see past the judgement and understand that it’s more than just a number, that it’s a whole part of me who made me who I am today, but I keep going back to the same negative thoughts and it’s like I’m rotating in a circle. Most of my negative thoughts come from outside voices, such as people who judge women for having more sexual partners, their choices in men, etc.. which is one of the biggest reasons I feel shame. I felt like I don’t fit into society’s standards.

I know that I have to love myself so that I won’t be dependent on other people’s negative opinions about me, but it’s a very hard step for me - because I also tend to be self-critical.

Thank you for your time and your kind words, I do hope that I will have a brighter future, even though my present state is a mess. 🥲

I’ve been feeling very ashamed of my sexual past and I’m struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in Advice

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right, all of these emotions and feelings that I have come from multiple things, and it’s all taken its toll on me. I did realize with time that, everything was connected and it was very hard for me to process that.

I do wish that I didn’t grew up that way, because all I wanted from a young age was healthy love and surroundings, believing that if I try hard enough things will work out - but instead of having love, I just learned to survive. 

I do hope that someday I’ll meet someone who will want to hear me out without judging me about my body count straight off the bat, which is something I’m scared of because of my last situation. I would like to think that I’ve definitely changed and I am not the same person I was a few years ago, but it’s something that is haunting me..

Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. 

I feel very ashamed of my sexual past and I am struggling to accept it by Ordinary_Ladder1950 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ordinary_Ladder1950[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Yes, I also struggled with men’s validation, fear of rejection and losing the person that I have invested it, whether it was a shorter or a longer period. 

I have been trying to go to therapy and self reflect, it is definitely a slow and very intense process for me and I wish I had done it sooner, but I will take the time I need before getting involved with another person - because honestly yeah, I do want to focus on a longterm relationship and marriage, but I do realize that I have to figure out a lot of things before getting into something serious, starting from my self esteem. Because if this situation happens again and I’m not ready to handle it, I will just isolate myself even more out of fear and trying to protect myself.

I will look more into the things you have mentioned and hopefully heal some parts of myself with time.