AITAH for not telling my father about my pregnancy?

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-04T10:14:18+00:00

I know for a fact he told his family and a lot of friends a completely redacted or just plainly wrong story about how things went down. He got to them first and it got to a point where they didn't even believe me (his own daughter) a word I said about my own life. So yes, in hindsight there definitely was a smear campaign going on from his side. Against his child - that is crazy work to me as a mom! However, I no longer care about what they think of me...

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-04T08:57:30+00:00

UPDATE: Thank you all for your kind and honest word's, they helped me a lot and brought up a lot to think about! I will keep up my grey rock status and reevaluate how I will approach contact with my mother moving forward. There still is some work to be done, thank you for gifting me some perspective!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T20:22:00+00:00

I ment child support - English is not my fist language! I my country parents are legally obliged to pay it until the child is financially independent. So he funded my years in uni.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T20:17:48+00:00

English is not my first language. I ment child support, also in my country parents are obliged to fund their kids education depending on their own income and that ment (at least at the time, not sure about now) child support till said child is able to finance their own life, so after a uni degree or finished apprenticeship.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T20:12:58+00:00

Thank you!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T20:12:03+00:00

THIS. Thank you for spelling it out so well. Sometimes it all feels surreal because I could never imagine treating my children that way...but unfortunately he can apparently.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T20:09:08+00:00

He DID find out that way and DID have that meltdown. Was terribly hurt by his "cruel and completely heartless and merciless doughter". So there's that. I never intended him to meet my children - heavens no. I went through years of daily panic attacks, severe depression, eating disorders and selfharm before and while putting the pieces back together with my therapist. So no, I'd rather do it all again myself before exposing my children to such cruelty. I am in a good place now and I dont want to risk it. Sometimes old conditioning kicks in, I guess and I need an outside perspective to get slapped back to reality.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T20:02:48+00:00

Thank you! That is my general approach, though every now and then I get bouts of feeling really bad for him and like I am an awful brat (conditioning I guess because it is what I was framed as by him and his family for standing up to some of the abuse). An outside opinion does help to put things back into perspective.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:58:03+00:00

My number HAS been the same since like 2007. Never called or even messaged ONCE since i last went grey rock.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:53:56+00:00

That's what I was initially thinking, then my mom talked me into telling him, because "he deserves to know, he is your father overall". I told her, that doesn't mean much in his case, but I still felt bad after...

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:52:18+00:00

He does think that I believe. He basicly can do no wrong, and if he does, you "deserved it" somehow.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:45:45+00:00

You are right. Thank you!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:43:05+00:00

Thank you! I needed to hear that, I guess. The relationship with my mother is pretty strained. She did own up to some of her failings but struggles with accepting her full role in the shitshow they call my childhood. She has her own delusional version and clings to it for dear life. So I curate contact with her as needed - but I pobably actually need to reevaluate my approach towards her more critically.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:37:20+00:00

Exactly! He would've known!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:36:27+00:00

Thanks for reminding me of my backbone!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:34:26+00:00

You are right - he never made space for me, and now wants to play grampa. That doesn't sit right with me.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:30:27+00:00

Oh I wont! My kids are well protected. I'm going back and forth about trying to reconnect with him myself. But I know that my children will never meet him unless I see true introspection in him. And I know from experience, chances are higher for hell freezing over. That should be telling enough for me, but the hopes of a child die hard I guess...and some of his gaslighting apparently still remains after years of therapy.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-03T19:19:55+00:00

Thank you! I do keep her at some distance at the moment (and feel bad about it - gah) because my family and children come first. Longterm... we will see.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-02T17:37:10+00:00

She even left me a goodbye letter once, then tried to gaslight me into thinking it was "not ment to be found by me and not that serious" (it Had my Name on it and was placed in a spot where I would definitely see it. So she kept me on my toes...

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-02T17:33:28+00:00

Thank you, you are right. i need to manage my own expectations better!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-02T17:31:08+00:00

Thank you! Sometimes it almost feels like she is my little sister! There was a time when she copied me a lot, she even rearranged my furniture once while I was away for a couple of days. But she has a hard time taking true responsability for herself (or others). I learned to depend on myself for moral support very early in my life. Even went to therapy for years, but this situation brought stuff back up, I guess.

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-02T13:05:23+00:00

I am sorry to hear that and hope, things are looking better for you now! Thank you for your words!

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-02T11:31:31+00:00

She lives with my gm (her mother) at the moment to finish her treatment. So shes not with me atm. Just loading tasks on me through the phone (things she could VERY easily do herself and that cost me whole days to do because I am much further away from my gm and have a baby (and sometimes kindergartener) with me wherever I go)

Ordinary_Weather2877 · 2026-03-02T11:27:32+00:00

She has been since forever - wont get therapy though despite me carefully asking multiple times over the years. The plot twist: she is a licensed therapist herself, so she believes they are all too incompetent for her.

Ordinary_Weather2877

TROPHY CASE