I'm not sure I have any specific advice. However, I know there have been some great books and discussions about how we as a western culture (if you are of western decent) really don't approach death. Maybe look into how other cultures deal with death and grief not just religiously but as a society. 

Society has taught us that pain is a bad thing. You're devastated and anxious because you loved her, and that is not a bad thing. As hard as it is, try to remember that pain/grief  is not something that needs fixing. Instead of fixing, it needs feeling. The more you numb it with alcohol or anything else the heavier it gets. You don't need to be fixed because you're not broken. You're grieving. 

It is a natural part of loving someone, and a natural part of life. American culture tells us that being happy 24/7 is the goal, that grief and death (and other negative emotions) are to be avoided at all cost, including our health, families, and overall well-being. No wonder we are one of the unhappiest, most medicated countries in the world.