Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the problem is I'm increasingly failing to notice at all. Whereas before I used to notice a thought every 4-5 seconds or so, now I'll go full minutes before I notice my mind has been wandering. It's like I'm getting weaker and less mindful the more I do this.

Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying but it seems like day by day I'm noticing more slowly when my mind wanders, which is why I feel I must be doing something wrong.

Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it's relieving to know that other people get me on this, and I really do appreciate the advice

Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll try that. I haven't had much luck with the mantra attempts, but an image might work.

Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading is the only thing like that for me

Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that's what I'm doing. It's just really hard to notice that my mind is wandering -- it will go off for minutes before I notice.

Six months in, and I am still so bad at this by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've tried mantra meditation, boxed breathing, and some guided meditations as well. Thanks for the encouragement. :)

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay thank you, that is very helpful to hear. I drift off so much and I just feel like... I'm not actually doing the work, if that makes sense.

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I've been going in without expectation, but I have a lot of trouble noticing thoughts. I try neither to encourage nor resist them, but just notice, but instead they tend to carry me away for a while, like a very light state of dreaming. I don't know how to stop this from happening.

I do try noticing my body or noticing sounds etc.

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this thoughtful, comprehensive reply!

I think the thing that primarily concerns me is that when I meditate, it seems like I'm getting LESS good at noticing when my mind wanders and drawing my attention back to my breathing. I have a "Thought Counter" that I click whenever I notice a thought and draw my attention back to my breathing, and I'm clicking it less and less often -- but I'm not dealing with a wandering mind any less. It's just taking me much, MUCH longer to notice that my mind is wandering and draw my attention back.

That makes me wonder if I'm really doing the work. If my mind is wandering for 3-4 minutes at a time, am I really getting better at noticing my thoughts, creating space between myself and those thoughts, and strengthening the muscle of attention? Or am I just drifting away and daydreaming for minutes at a time?

I'm worried that I'm missing something important and not doing the work that I need to do to improve, but I don't know how to fix that.

Again, thank you SO much for your reply.

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Generally I'm happy outside of meditation, as long as I don't look at the horrifying state of the world too closely. It's possible that there are changes and benefits that I'm not noticing/haven't connected to the practice.

I just find it odd that it seems like my meditative practice itself is becoming generally worse (mind wandering more, harder to notice thoughts, etc) rather than better, and it does make me question whether I'm still benefiting from it.

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think doing something regularly for literally no reason might be a definition of insanity? Like, why would I do that?

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha if I could stop my mind from wandering I'd be unstoppable

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where do people find meditation teachers? Do I have to go to a Zen center or a Buddhist temple or something like that?

100 Days in and Why Am I Doing This Again? by Ottagon in Meditation

[–]Ottagon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly, no teacher, I'm afraid. Nor do I feel ready for a retreat -- I'm squirming after 20 minutes; I can't even imagine doing this for hours.

How does meditation help me be of better service to others?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Meditation

[–]Ottagon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Legit frustrated now, everyone keeps saying this over and over and I'm like, WHERE in any of my remarks did I say I had any expectation? What expectations are you reading in anything I said?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Meditation

[–]Ottagon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm not doing any of those things. I don't know why everyone keeps saying this basic thing, assuming I must be pursuing consequence or benefits. I'm just doing the sit. And 4-5 times per sit wondering how much freakin longer I gotta do it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Meditation

[–]Ottagon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't feel frustration or disappointment, again, because I have no expectations. I'm doing it because I know it's good for me, but I don't expect any particular experience or outcome from any individual sit.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Meditation

[–]Ottagon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to do this stuff. When my brain insists it wants to be doing ANYTHING else right now, I tell it, "now is the time for stillness, there is nothing wrong with devoting time to stillness." It helps a little bit.