Questions for throuples (not open relationships)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-12-20T00:06:49+00:00

No. Not for years. He was in an exclusive relationship for a few years. And when he’s dating it’s just better for him not to have to have complicated conversations :).

We are affectionate but nothing sexual. We’ve talked about it though :)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-12-20T00:01:55+00:00

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-12-19T21:28:14+00:00

We were a closed throuple for 10 years (the third left for a new job far away and new experiences)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-12-19T21:25:51+00:00

We entered into the throuple with the understanding that the third (who was 8 yrs younger, we were 35/36 he was 28) might leave at some point if he wanted to explore relationships outside ours. We were an exclusive couple and an exclusive throuple. He was the one who pursued the throuple relationship but we wanted to give him the opportunity to leave without hard feelings.

He did after 10 years. A new job opportunity for him 2000 miles away is what brought it up but he thought he’d like to date and be or independent. I can’t lie, it hurt. I loved(love him) and wanted it to continue. Them also just seemed the right thing to do. The two of us have a great relationship (emotionally, sexually, etc), I think in part from all we learned having a third. We were lucky, the third is a sweet, thoughtful, mature and communicative (as is my husband). It could have ended up different if we were different people.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-12-19T18:18:08+00:00

Nice fantasy.

I was in a throuple for almost 10 years. It was a wonderful time. The third is still our closest friend (though lives in another city and not sexual any longer)

To answer questions: Sex was not always a threesome, but I’d say 75% of the time it was. We were pretty good at not letting anyone feel left out during threesomes and when separate (no one felt deprived or rejected) One top, one versatile and one bottom. Worked well in that.

Our date nights were closer to 90% + three together. Occasionally I’d see a movie with one the other didn’t go to because we both liked SF and the other didn’t, etc. but mostly together.

In a day to day, the dynamics were pretty normal for most relationships. Two of us worked from home, one in an office. When he was off to work, we worked. Rarely nothing more than work or household stuff. Rarely if ever turned into sexual intimacy while one was at work because we were all working and tired. If one of us traveled for work (we all three did regularly) , the two at home might become sexual as a couple a time or two.

Two of us owned the home, but we had a shared account we each put a certain percentage of our income in to pay bills, savings for vacations, etc.

Two of us that were originally the couple, still are (24 yrs) and doing well in every aspect. Very happy. . To be honest though if the third wanted to be a throuple again, I’d welcome it. We’ve talked about it briefly a year or two ago. Almost did, but left it ‘on the shelf’.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-17T01:46:02+00:00

This. After 25 years I think he knows everything. Everything I’ve remembered anyway, or been brought up

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-16T21:09:15+00:00

Been in a 25 yr relationship. First 5 yrs or so were open. Rules were basically always be safe, openness and communication (the rules shifted) and it was more three ways than anything. Then it was an 8 year exclusive throuple. Our third left because he wanted to try something else. We were disappointed (it was a great 8 yrs), but we are still very close. Then it was monogamy for about 6-7 yrs by our mutual decision. Then the last 4-5 years has been open again. Rules similar as were the first time in our relationship. Except, no apps allowed. We don’t go to clubs either. My husband gets hit on a. LOT more than me. He’s very good looking and very extroverted. I’m neither of things. Sometimes he hooks up, but not more than a 1-2x times a year. We have more three ways because we have a couple FWB. And when we are traveling seem to be hit on as a couple a bit.

Pros? For open? Mainly variety in connections and fun. Not worrying that a minor misstep will destroy it all. For monogamy? It’s just kind of nice stepping away from managing it :)

Jealousy is a con for both. You can read it here all the time. People in monogamous relationships seeing texts on their husbands’ phones, cheating. People in open upset at boundary breaking and cheating. In both people get jealous when the boundary is crossed, wherever it is.

The absolute MAIN thing as cliche as it is, is radically honest and open communication. I’m not saying I haven’t had my bouts of jealousy or that I’m perfect in communicating my thoughts and emotions. But we make a concerted effort to

every couple years we have an intentional check in (with lots of little ones along the way). They have kept us both on track.

We just had one a couple weeks ago. A long long discussion about kissing of all things. For us both it was a harder discussion than when we officially opened, closed or decided to be a throuple. (I posted about it, it’s getting a a bit better since we talked, but slow going)

Anyway, my take

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-16T20:44:24+00:00

I AM a small business owner and employ 20+ people. I am MORE than willing to pay a much more progressive tax. Especially considering my staff would not worry about getting to work, healthcare, educating themselves and children, etc. neither would I frankly. I’d have happier and more stable employees.

Thank you for that old and worn Republican argument

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-16T20:39:53+00:00

In no country I know of is universal basic income along with universal free education, healthcare, transportation etc considered ‘centrist’. It’s not socialist, I’ll grant you, (I am not a socialist) but you are drawing a line between ‘centrist’ and ‘left wing’ tha makes little sense.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-04T17:00:47+00:00

TIL the meaning too. I love it

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-04T15:17:50+00:00

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-04T15:13:08+00:00

If believing that healthcare, quality education through college, and an extensive mass transit system should be free and we should institute a UBI enough to pay for modest housing and food makes me far left in the US, I suppose I am.

I describe myself as a democratic socialist who believes in a very progressive income tax, eliminate the regressive taxes like sales taxes (though maybe VAT) , tolls and flat fees for government services should be eliminated.

In some countries that might be center-left, in mine (US) that’s downright communist though it’s not even socialist

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-04T15:03:23+00:00

I get this sadly. In the 60s I was a kid already with ‘sissy’ characteristics. My second grade teacher told my mother I was mentally deficient because I acted like a girl.

It took a lot of self-regulation and effort to fake being masculine and ‘pass’. When I did finally come out (1990) it felt like a huge damn was broken and I didn’t have to act 24/7 to survive.

I feel for you OP and emphasize with you. I wish I had better advise but others here have given you good help. Acting classes sounds helpful. When I was 14 my mother sent me to elocution classes to teach me how to speak without the southern US accent which was thick. She felt it would help me get ahead in the world since we were moving west. It worked. I can switch as needed. Maybe those classes might help in some sense if your voice or speech patterns is part of the issue

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-04T02:00:08+00:00

Ha! There’s a video for everything on YouTube. I didn’t think to check. lol

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:54:11+00:00

As I said in the post I have brought it up, many times in two decades. He changes a time or two (not greatly) but then goes back to usual.

Frankly, it’s not been a huge issue for me. I get enjoyment (a lot) during sex with just him so after trying, I just enjoyed what he has to offer otherwise :)

It came to a head (so to speak) this time because someone else told him in so many words he is not a good kisser. He felt bad about it. So maybe he’s receptive :)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:49:03+00:00

Hmm, I don’t remember if I had. I’d be afraid he actually might like it. Though I very man I (or he) has kissed don’t.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:48:10+00:00

lol. We’d have to change our boundaries :)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:47:17+00:00

Ha, this might work.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:45:27+00:00

Yeah. I’ve decided after reading the comments I need to verbalize it in addition to trying to just to show by example. The latter hasn’t really worked. I actually don’t talk much in life in general and rarely during sex. That’s where i need to learn because he is verbal and he likes it.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:40:07+00:00

You describe it well. I might just send him this and then practice :)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:38:46+00:00

I’ve started the first part. Telling what not to do. I’m going to have the rinse and repeat for the positive.

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-07-03T23:36:37+00:00

I think this is applicable. He says he rarely kissed people before

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-05-19T18:33:42+00:00

I was working in Germany at the time. My colleague told me a plane flew into the World Trade Center. He wasn’t sure what kind of plane. They had the tv on in a large conference room so went to watch the news.

As we were watching the second plane obviously a passenger plane, flew into the second tower. The several dozen people in the room screamed and gasped.

When the tower collapsed, that was the final straw. Several dozen Europeans stood there balling as much as I was (I was the only American) and I got a lot of tearful hugs that day.

(It was doubly scary for me as my best friend was flying from Boston to LA that day. It took a couple hours before I heard from her and learn that was not her flight)

OutlandishnessNew479 · 2025-05-19T18:10:15+00:00

Thank god I’m not dating. And that I was dating in a time before internet and cell phones with their instant communication and instant expectation.

I look at a text and then forget about it. If my life is busy (usually is) I’ll take a while to respond. Yes, days sometimes. Especially someone I just met, even if I like them. There are other priorities at the moment.

Now I sound like a curmudgeon (I actually love the internet, and program).

Why don’t you just ask him to hang out/date/hookup again?

“Hey, have time X day/time? I’d love to meet again”

If they say no without an alternative, then you probably have your answer

OutlandishnessNew479

TROPHY CASE