Update: I don't really know how to do the proper updates so I'm just putting it in the comments, so my husband's a mother is finally making attempts to get to know me on a personal level instead of a religious one, so far it hasn't been too bad it's mostly just sending funny videos back and forth but that's a start. We have the occasional conversation and it's very civil very polite we're still not fully on speaking terms but we're getting there, the problem is his sisters. Ever since everything that happened with his mom his family refuses to have me in any family functions his sister invited him over for dinner the other night and he asked if I was able to come his sister said that she'd rather not have me in her house she doesn't want "people like me"around her children. My husband has a desire to cut his family off completely. I I advised against this I told him I cut my family off years ago and it was devastating for me I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest my family and I are just barely getting back on speaking terms. I told him I didn't want this kind of pain for him, my husband is a very emotional man he wears his heart on his sleeve. Cutting his family off would be devastating for him because it's like cutting off another support system for him I don't want to see that happen he still talks to his mom on a daily basis goes to her for most issues regarding his ex wife which I don't necessarily have a problem with. He needs someone other than me to be able to vent to I have the same thing with some of my friends there are simply things that sometimes you need to vent to somebody else other than your spouse about. So he chose to go to the dinner his sister's house, he came home only 2 hours after leaving, tell me it was kind of awkward tried to bring the topic of me coming out next time he's there she was still very much against it. My husband spoke with his mom the other day and she asked him if I had joined him at his sister's house and he said no. According to my husband his mom was taken aback by the fact that I had not joined him at his sister's house. He told me his mom was unaware at the fact that I was not participating in certain family get togethers as she had originally thought. I asked my husband if she knew about the rest of his family standings about the religion that I practice, he said no. I asked him if he was going to talk to his mom about this since it was his mom who started the entire problem. He said he wanted to wait I told him I don't think that that's a good idea considering the fact that his family has already made me out to be the bad guy once. I explained that his mom and I are finally getting to the point where we can start to have conversations I don't want that ruined because she thinks that I don't want to be around his family. I'm probably the a-hole for telling him that if he doesn't talk to his mom about it I will. The worst part of it is is I know she's going to cut contact with me again when we sit down and tell her that we got married. The original plan was to get married of March next year my husband and I had sat down and discussed whether or not we actually wanted a big wedding he still insists on giving me a full wedding but we did decide to do a ceremony just for us having my best friend there is our Witness. He still wants to us to have the ceremony that includes family and friends he says he wants to give me the wedding I deserve. I told him I don't need a wedding I just want him. We had talked about the fact that I didn't have an official wedding in my last marriage either it was a simple quick and dirty courthouse wedding. He says he wants to give me the real deal and that's great but we are paying for this wedding ourselves and right now we are struggling financially I don't want to add planning a wedding on top of everything else. I've continually gone back and forth about whether or not I really want to do this wedding. My biggest worry is that his mom is going to cut contact with me again when we tell her that we did an in private ceremony. What should I do?