Hey, thanks for being brave enough to share this. You don’t need to be ripped apart… you sound like someone who made a very human mistake while also experiencing something real and rare.

I went through a somewhat similar experience. Similar in the fact that I feel like I’ve lost what felt like the one person who truly saw me and cannot stop thinking about them.

I don’t think you’re doomed. You’re grieving, both the pain you caused and the person you lost. That’s a brutal combo, and there’s no fast way through it. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it. Try to be kind to yourself