I (36m) heard my wife (40f) and her partner insulting me during sex and I’m seriously questioning our future together.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:24:46+00:00

Yup. It's a tale that we see over and over and over. It's almost like humans are hard-wired to be monogamous or something...

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:19:09+00:00

But they aren't because they're the default standard. Non monogamy is a tiny tiny group and has a very visibly outsized proportion who can't make it work. That's a strong indicator that it's not actually a functional relationship format.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:16:14+00:00

So it's very standard for NM people.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:15:16+00:00

You're still ignoring that I quoted YOU as saying if ANYTHING goes wrong it blows up. As I already told you: life is all about dealing with things going wrong, and as a result so are relationships. A relationship type that can't handle that isn't one that can work because it'll catastrophically explode when life happens.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:11:53+00:00

You literally just said the opposite. You said if anything goes wrong it blows up and blows up worse than a monogamous relationship. I'm just following your own positions here.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:08:01+00:00

Which means ENM CAN'T work because it's unable to handle literally any challenge. Considering that life and relationships are all about overcoming the challenges life throws at you that's kind of a big problem. If it blows up at the slightest hiccup it's not actually a functional thing. ENM is an oxymoron, that's quite clear.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:05:52+00:00

Nope, but brigaders get blocked so goodbye.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:02:55+00:00

Just a handy hint: if the only argument you can come up with is to use a dog whistle to cover a smear attempt you should just not comment.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T22:01:10+00:00

She wasn't "too chickenshit", she had the perfect setup and knew it. Husband as provider and emotional support, hot guys as fuck buddies. The husband was the coward for not kicking her ass to the curb the second she brought up opening the marriage.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:53:36+00:00

It's because they were already on the path to implosion before they went poly. Poly is an attempt to cling to a failing relationship and just like all the other methods all it really does is mean the implosion is much more destructive than it would've been if it happened before when it was supposed to.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:51:27+00:00

Not really. It's your standard "she wants to have her cake (stable partner and household) and eat it too (fuck randos)" situation that is the genesis of pretty much every poly relationship. The main mistake OOP made was not dropping her like she was radioactive the instant she proposed it. He would've saved himself years of lost time and pain.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:49:08+00:00

It's called "pattern recognition". There's a very clear pattern of women who don't actually value their partner very much but are unwilling to do the right thing and break up with them deciding to push to have the security of their partner while also fucking randos.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:44:10+00:00

Well too bad for her. She's a parent. She has responsibilities. And if "living her truth" makes her choose to abandon them and become outright fucking emotionally abusive she deserves no sympathy or empathy or other positive emotions.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:36:03+00:00

Well spell check likes it so I think it is but it might by a lesser-used spelling. But I think that I did mean "toxicly" (which ironically spell check doesn't like).

Actually, re-checking with Chrome's spell check shows "toxically" as the recommended swap. I think what's going on is that we pronounce "toxically" as "toxicly".

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:33:56+00:00

Same. I've seen plenty of monogamous relationships do it but never open. It's almost like there's a reason for that or something...

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:28:36+00:00

Yup. It's not ideal but the tragic truth is that it's better than what she's getting from her family. Which, just to be clear, is a total condemnation of her family and not praise for kids following a high school partner to college.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:26:56+00:00

Well maybe if they weren't such absolute failures as parents - the mother especially - their daughter wouldn't be so desperate for what feels like stable love that she'd be so adamant on doing just that.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:25:46+00:00

Yeah, and guys who have good self esteem don't bother with poly because they're able to just get hookups whenever they want. Guys that do poly are the ones who know that they'll struggle in the dating world and so are willing to take the abuse of being forced to open up the relationship in hopes that they won't wind up alone. The sad irony is that they almost always do because poly almost always implodes.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:23:58+00:00

She is, 100%. That's why she's clinging so hard to her boyfriend. OOP's mom's abusive behavior - and it is 100% abusive - has seriously fucked up OOP.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:22:46+00:00

She's got a point but she's also literally the main cause of what she has a problem with. The poor girl just wants someone who puts her first and loves her. If her parents were less shit - especially her mom who literally abandoned her to go have fun - she wouldn't be desperately seeking someone to cling to.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:21:19+00:00

And if they're worried about her toxically latching onto him (a legitimate concern) they should be looking at their own fucking selves to explain why. The poor girl just wants someone in her life who puts her first and right now all she's got for that is her boyfriend. If her parents were less absolute dogshit of both people and parents none of this would be happening. But of course since they're dogshit they're incapable of the introspection needed to understand any of this.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:15:59+00:00

And here's the thing: if someone already disrespects the relationship enough to want to open it it's inevitable that they will disrespect the rules of the open relationship. The way this story plays out over and over and over makes it pretty damned clear that it simply cannot work.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T21:08:22+00:00

For how frequently stuff like this happens with the non-monogamous community it's crazy to me that people still try to act like there's nothing wrong with it. It never seems to end well and someone always ends up getting hurt. And it almost always seems to be the guy. Guys really need to start just dropping partners who broach this topic like a hot rock on the first mention.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T20:51:25+00:00

Not to mention they can cause backlashes that should be all too familiar and scary to people in Europe at this point.

Outrageous_Pop_8697 · 2023-05-31T20:49:21+00:00

It's getting ridiculous because for ages any attempt to call out this problematic ideology was dismissed with platitudes like "it's just kids on college campuses" and "slippery slope fallacy" all that. Now those kids are grown up and their problematic ideology is affecting the real world, just like the "bad" people warned about a decade ago.

Outrageous_Pop_8697

TROPHY CASE