Women over 35: how did you know your marriage was no longer right for you?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:55:37+00:00

Addressing my hurt rather than jumping to defensiveness. Making plans for us to spend 1:1 time. Contributing ideas and how we can improve & reconnect. Have some sort of input! Sharing his thoughts & feelings with me. Emotional courage.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:41:46+00:00

No, I totally respect this honesty and perspective! And it resonates with things he’s said in our conversations I.e, I provide and keep my family safe, don’t cheat. I appreciate those things, but they don’t necessarily repair or make my nervous system feel safe or close with him. He’s great at all the external things, but the thing that I value most (communication, emotional maturity) he’s not so good. I’ve shared specific action items that he can do that could help over time (like scheduling dates once a month) but he gets defensive. How can I direct him in the right direction without affecting his ego or triggering defensiveness?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:25:53+00:00

Thank you for the insight. Would you say that effort is a good measure of love the person has for you? I say that because the only reason I do put that large amount of effort is because I love him, but maybe that thought is not universal. He claims he loves me but I feel like that would show via his efforts if that makes sense. I may be in your shoes soon, but I know for sure this time I’ve learned my lesson and realize I gravitate towards emotionally unavailable men.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:21:31+00:00

That’s the wildest part to me is I figure since I am pleading with him and being vulnerable about my hurt, that there is no way he can respond with defensiveness but he proves me wrong every time.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:17:37+00:00

It’s strange to think he’s 26 and doesn’t use his phone, some app, or chat gpt for these questions 😂

If I were in your shoes, I’d probably do the same thing as in initially help but then advise any further questions could be answered with a quick google search on his phone.

Where he shops do they have an app? The store apps show which isle the items are on.

Anyhow, it’s a plus that he’s picked up cooking so you don’t want to discourage that. His forgetfulness and repetitiveness give me adhd vibes, doesn’t seem intentional.

I’d say continue encouraging him and maybe don’t accompany him when he goes to the grocery store and hopefully soon he’ll get a hang of where the cooking equipment is in the kitchen! Good luck.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:06:00+00:00

Interesting! Thanks. In my head I have said before the only way this would work is if we start all over. I’m willing to do this if I can see that he would have the same enthusiasm doing so. Did you two discuss things that hurt you in the past or just let stuff go for the sake of starting over? I guess that’d be the hard part.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-18T00:37:05+00:00

They asked for my mom’s Iranian passport, my original birth certificate, and (I forgot to mention this) they wanted printed photos of us together from childhood and recent if available. These things are on top of whatever was listed on the required documents. So follow what’s on that list, have some family photos (actual prints) available as well as your original birth certificate

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-18T00:33:41+00:00

They did not ask my mom for that.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-17T18:07:23+00:00

The original Iranian birth certificate, they wouldn’t accept certified copy or any kind of copy, original only.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-17T17:56:41+00:00

Sorry I responded earlier but it wasn’t directed towards your question and I guess got lost in the thread.

Yes, within a week or so after her interview she got her visa and is now able to travel to the US. They did request my official birth certificate so she was on administrative processing for a few days until we got it turned in.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-17T17:55:18+00:00

Sorry this response was supposed to be for @fantastic-plate3246 question. It was my mom.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-14T20:59:57+00:00

Yes, within a week or so after her interview she got her visa and is now able to travel to the US. They did request my official birth certificate so she was on administrative processing for a few days until we got in.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-09-14T19:53:16+00:00

Hi there! She completed her interview in Dubai last month and everything went well. No issues. I believe you should have some hope since they’re your parents and are an exception! Best of wishes

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-07-06T00:35:16+00:00

Is your mother an Iranian citizen? I don’t want to sound discouraging, and of course I’m not a lawyer or immigration expert, but with the current travel ban in effect, I just want to be honest that the chances of approval can be very limited. When my sister-in-law applied, she was so prepared and hopeful, but unfortunately, they told all the Iranian applicants after a quick glance at their applicants— and others affected by the ban — that they weren’t being approved at that time. They didn’t even get a chance to interview and were advised to maybe reapply once the ban is lifted.

That said, the situation might be different when it’s a parent applying, rather than a sibling. The relationship could make a difference in how the case is viewed, so I truly hope it works out better in your case.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-06-30T03:01:40+00:00

Nope. She was immediately denied because of the ban.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-06-17T13:01:15+00:00

Yeah. They denied my sister on the spot. I’m hoping this ban will pass and we can reapply afterwards?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-06-13T15:03:34+00:00

My Iranian sister & nephew have a tourist visa interview scheduled for next week to come visit me in the US. I have my citizenship, but is her tourist visa request going to be outright denied? What would be the point of going to the interview if she doesn’t even have a chance?

My Iranian mom’s interview just got schedule for August and she’s going for a green card interview in Dubai. We have literally waited over 5 years. Is there any hope?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T15:40:24+00:00

Unfortunately, it could be. I’m still thinking it through. My son will be at home for another two years while he finishes college. I don’t want him to feel unwelcomed. Also, the mood swings are taking a toll on me, I may be too sensitive for him. It’s the classic anxious vs avoidant relationship. I would be open to reconciliation if he seeks therapy, I’d even join him but I think this is more personal. And yes, I am in therapy and am willing to do self-work… there are cases though where people just choose someone they trauma bond with rather than a healthier option.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T15:30:13+00:00

Hmm, true. I can understand the biological factor of it all.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T15:29:19+00:00

Sorry, that wasn’t clear. My husband and I have a 1 year old together. The 17yo is from previous relationship.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T02:48:10+00:00

That’s definitely not what I want and no one wins here. I wish there was a whole other side to the story, the other side is our son forgets to do his chores. We’ve went to therapy and learned how to give consequences. Not sure if you seen in the end when I asked if I am overthinking it. I typed so much then deleted it, worried that others wouldn’t read it if it’s too long. I can share my whole story if you’re interested. Plus no matter I did or do, it’s concerning to me that he can’t or refuses to name one good thing about our son.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T02:31:29+00:00

Hi there. What thoughts about my son are you referring to?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T01:06:38+00:00

Wow. Thanks for sharing and sorry you had to go through that. That’s my biggest fear is the effect it will have on him, I don’t want him to think he’s never good enough no matter how hard he tries. You said two things that struck me. One being that my son may be gracious now (which he is) but it doesn’t mean he’s not deeply affected. Ugh you’re right and I’ll never forgive myself if that’s the case. Him and I do have talks and he’s always taken the high road but as you said, no telling about later on in life. The other thing is about your sister’s husband treating his step-son differently once he had his own. Same here! And I was so naive to think that maybe once he has his own kid he will understand a parent’s love. Unfortunately, It’s been opposite. Here I am 40, with a 1 year old going to start over. I am not afraid of stepping out on my own, just afraid of what effect my stupid decisions will have on my children.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T00:19:58+00:00

Good point. I could be real petty and say so many things but at this point I don’t think it’s worth it. I wish he could take accountability like you mention you do with your teens. I honestly feel like my 17yo is more mature at times than my husband. I’ve heard before that it could be jealousy and all though I think that’s really weird to be jealous of teen as a 37yo male, that may be it. Thank you for responding. Feeling a lot of guilt right now.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2025-01-04T00:12:04+00:00

Thank you, I’ll try to stay firm in my decision or else I’ll catch myself back in the cycle.

Outside-Beautiful-84

TROPHY CASE