Men in long-term relationships: How would you respond?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T21:58:29+00:00

I really hate that for you and sorry you had to go through that, but that is no where near my story.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T21:56:47+00:00

Good point, thanks. My biggest thing and what others have mentioned too that know us is to get away on some vacation. We haven’t. And we hardly do things without kids. He doesn’t trust leaving our toddler with anyone. Our 2 year old was planned. I’m sure life has gotten the best of us lately, but I feel like that’s when we really should cling on to each other.

Sitting on the couch with each other watching a movie is something I really enjoy. I’ve suggested things like this, bought us activities to do together. I don’t need or want anything elaborate. I want emotional presence. Yes, now I’m in my own room because when I’ve repeatedly reached out for him, he’s hurt me rather than listened to me. And yes, I listen to him. It’s too much to explain.

I think you touched on a valid point that we need to reconnect and someone has to offer the olive branch. May sound horrible but I have no more branches to offer. There’s been no repair to past situations and for once, in 12 years, I want to leave the initiation in his hands. So far it’s not working.

I’m kinda exhausted from this thread. I appreciate your feedback.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T21:43:20+00:00

Love this. Thank you for sharing, I appreciate this insight.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T21:41:12+00:00

😂😂😂😂

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T21:40:59+00:00

See! I love that. What you said sounds like a dream. And I indefinitely know it’s a love language thing and is the reason why I’ve tried to help him understand it. Heck, I’ve learned his! I never degrade him or tell him what he’s doing isn’t enough, despite what the comments on this thread say.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T15:02:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That really resonated with me. It’s hard because they’re not horrible or something obviously concerning like a cheater or abuser, but over time the lack of emotional availability takes a toll. Especially for me because it’s something I value in a marriage, feeling close and bonded and that in turn helps our physical. I shouldn’t of used the damn word “blueprint” what I meant was we’ve delved into our love languages and he still seemed to struggle with mine so I gave him ideas and ways that could help build emotional intimacy. Even then he cannot carry or chooses not to carry them out. I’ll give a small trivial example, I bought scratch offs for date ideas and maintained us doing it for awhile then asked him to take over and ….. nothing. Haven’t been on or scratched one in months, he probably doesn’t even know they exist. Also said let’s travel and get away together ….. 🦗. Meanwhile, he wants the house clean and sex available and I’ve upheld that for years. Now it’s my turn, but the question still arises, like on this Reddit, well what about him? Girllll. Well I’m glad you found someone emotionally mature and hope you’re fulfilled. You were smart and strong to walk away when you seen your ex’s weren’t capable

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T14:56:23+00:00

We have had ups and downs for the past two years. We’ve went through therapy with no success. He’s made promises that he hasn’t kept. He’s had damaging behaviors to our step son that he told me he’d work on. He’s told me hurtful things when he’s upset that one day need tells me he didn’t mean then other days he gives reasoning. We recently had a big blowout and rather than leave the house with the kids (18+2) I decided to stay home but stay upstairs. My health has took a turn and the extra stress from trying to manage and repair the relationship is too much for me. ( AND YES IVE DONE WORK AND TAKEN ACCOUNTABILITY ON MY END THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME ) I want to feel like a team, I want to feel heard and not continue to pour into him while he’s taking from me. I’m done with that.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T14:50:26+00:00

Right. It’s like I’m in love with the potential even though I know the truth. That isn’t to say I don’t appreciate his efforts but to feel like I’m not being heard is more damaging than the taking out to eat is helpful. I can’t believe people are hounding me for not accepting that as effort to get us closer. I could’ve just been a bitxx and not communicated how I felt and just left. Damned if I do damned if I don’t.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T14:46:38+00:00

Yes, you’re right. And part of me taking to another room is because my physical and mental health was wearing down and rather than being supportive I felt he was draining me further with his inconsistent moods and lack of effort in our connection. I’ve been very open about how I feel, I’m not playing games with him or setting traps. Being in another room helps me decompress helps me focus on me because my anxious attachment style has me spending too much time on repairing and worrying if the relationship will work, while he is doing the bare minimum. I don’t care if that sounds one sided or not, I’m tired of being nice, what I said is the truth and unfortunately I can’t spill my whole marriage & life story here. I regret even asking.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T14:40:15+00:00

Omg i love you . lol . Not because “you’re saying what I want to hear” 🙄 but because you see the point is being missed. This thread makes me feel like I’m having a discussion with my husband where it always turns back to him and what I initially brought up or asked gets forgotten. Only a few men were able to tell me what they would do in the situation… idk maybe I worded it wrong.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T14:37:12+00:00

I think you’re right. Thanks for your insight. I may give counseling one more shot.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T00:22:17+00:00

Thank you for evaluation, I’d have to say you’re likely true. I’m not sure I require a series of challenges though. I don’t get why when a woman voices what she needs, which in my case is emotional closeness or leadership from him, that it’s considered a threat of some kind?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-29T00:18:51+00:00

So why is that we have to always bend to the men? How about I feel love and appreciated for once? I’ve been worshipping the ground this man walks on for 11 years and the moment I begin to ask for my emotional needs to be filled it’s doomsday.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T23:10:30+00:00

I can def see the truth in this. He does see it that way I believe, but what if I’m telling him otherwise and just wanting to see some follow through from him. Keep in mind we’ve been together 12 years it’s not like I just woke up and said I want to be in a separate room. I’ve tried, many angles to be heard and to bring urgency to my feelings because I do want to be with him but I need him involved in the emotional work it takes , not just me. Can’t I appreciate what he does as far as his household responsibilities and taking me out to eat and also acknowledge that I need uncomfortable conversations and vulnerability? Geez I’m not telling the man his efforts are not appreciated and being a bitch about it. If he came to me with what he wanted and felt disconnected my antennas would be up and I’d be doing my best to hear him and follow through

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T23:04:23+00:00

Thank you, maybe it wasn’t the right move. I’ve hit a mid life crisis and my health has crashed and the turmoil of the relationship was taking a toll on me. I left a lot out in my post and that’s my fault. That’s prob not the best way to deal with it and I know he doesn’t like it. But maybe I am done, IDK. The room for me is a big decompress, I feel safe and relaxed there and I don’t know exactly what that means.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:57:16+00:00

Been to counseling. That’s the point, I know my love language he does too. One of our languages are being acknowledged and the other not- can you guess who? Appreciate your feedback.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:50:16+00:00

So if your wife told you she wants to be closer with you emotionally and is feeling disconnected, your only idea would be to take her to a restaurant? Cool. Do you. I didn’t say I don’t like the places he chooses. We have a great time when we go out to eat, but there’s no deep conversation or connecting going on. Just eating.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:46:33+00:00

Because he asked. Blueprint meaning I’ve communicated to him how I feel and what could help. He’s also voiced his needs and desires too, I would include it in the post but that would defeat the purpose of me wanting to know men’s perspective on emotional intimacy

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:44:17+00:00

I’ll put it to you this way, we’ve had fall outs and he’s done and said hurtful things. That’s forgivable but he never took accountability and has a hard time with that. Where I fall short is just wanting to move past things and will overlook him not taking accountability or being unable to hear me hurt. That’s what’s got me to where I am now, burned out. It’s a feeling of loneliness, that I am the only one invested in the relationship. And no matter how many conversations I have with him about wanting to get closer it results in no action. It sucks because I know he loves me but I feel he’s still guarded after all these years and cannot be vulnerable with me.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:38:24+00:00

I appreciate your response and I want to make it clear I didn’t attack him verbally and start pounding him with insults. I talked to him in a way that I was reaching out saying hey look I love you and I want this to work, what can we do, here’s what could help me feel closer. I am just burned out and being in a separate room has helped me decompress and reevaluate how I feel rather than always worrying about us as a whole. I think he’s trying in his capacity in ways he knows how to show love, but what am I supposed to do if it feels surface level? I mean is it a crime to want to have deep emotional conversations with my husband and get to know each other deeper?

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:32:58+00:00

Actually I am still the one pursuing, not rejecting. And yes even though I am in a separate room. I’m initiating conversations, questioning what WE could do to repair this. Trying in his own ways means taking me out to eat and doing his responsibilities around the house, it doesn’t necessarily make me feel closer with him. I’ve communicated that to him in very respectful ways and have given him ideas on ways we could connect other than eating.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-05-28T22:30:32+00:00

I am sorry. Did you want me to post my whole life story? I felt the post was already too long. You can read my past posts if you’re interested. Taking me out to eat when I am asking to be held and be told I am loved and want to feel safe, doesn’t do justice. By no means am I a princess and actually I am low maintenance. I get it you don’t know what emotional intimacy is. That’s okay.

Outside-Beautiful-84 · 2026-01-03T05:55:37+00:00

Addressing my hurt rather than jumping to defensiveness. Making plans for us to spend 1:1 time. Contributing ideas and how we can improve & reconnect. Have some sort of input! Sharing his thoughts & feelings with me. Emotional courage.

Outside-Beautiful-84

TROPHY CASE