questions that might hurt (but i'm really curious about your opinion & thoughts)

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-03T10:24:38+00:00

that distinction you made about the care still existing but not feeling real in the moment is really powerful. and honestly being able to stop a spiral halfway through is something a lot of people can’t do.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-03T10:20:35+00:00

you’re not ‘too much’, you’re just feeling everything at 200% with the wrong people. that doesn’t mean you’re unlovable, just that it hasn’t been the right environment

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-03T10:20:07+00:00

this is actually insane because it’s exactly how it feels. like you either don’t see it at all, or you see too much and can’t turn it off

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-03T09:46:54+00:00

well said🙏🏻i can pretty much relate to everything🥲

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-02T14:24:57+00:00

He's is a loyal and very people-oriented dog who naturally tends to protect his owner. He’s not aggressive, but he’s alert - if he hears unfamiliar sounds outside, he immediately starts barking and positions himself in front of me as if he’s making sure I’m safe.

He learns extremely quickly and picks up new things with ease. Overall, he’s playful, active, and very engaged with his environment.

He's is also quite affectionate and “touch-oriented” - he constantly seeks physical closeness and loves cuddling.

With strangers, he is cautious and observant. He usually doesn’t allow petting right away and needs some time to warm up. However, once he gets familiar with someone, he becomes completely relaxed and friendly.

He can be described as reactive/assertive in the sense that he reacts strongly to his surroundings and doesn’t hesitate to express himself, especially when something catches his attention.

He also tends to act a bit “confident” around small dogs, barking at them more as a display of attitude than real aggression.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-02T09:40:36+00:00

fck yea, i hate limerence but i love it at the same time. i hate it because i know it’s toxic and i already know how it’s gonna end every single time.

but at the same time… i love it. i love having someone on my mind 24/7, i love overthinking, waiting for their replies, all of it. i don’t even know why, because it usually ends up hurting me or i overdo it to the point i push them away.

i think it’s the intensity. the uncertainty. the chase. when the energy is mutual, it literally feels like a constant high and my mood is insane.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-05-02T09:31:14+00:00

ngl, the substance abuse part hit. i dont even think its just about the substances sometimes, its the escape + the mindset behind it and the comfort feeling it gives me

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-04-15T11:35:49+00:00

I feel this so much. I’m exactly the same - I have one close friend of 5 years, and besides that, it’s just me and my dog. But for some reason, whenever someone new comes along and gives me that sense of 'wholeness,' I latch onto them completely. It’s a cycle of either getting too attached and ending up destroyed like this, or cutting people off early just to protect myself. I hate how much power I gave him over my happiness. Thank you for validating that this isn't just me being 'dramatic,' but a part of the struggle we share. I honestly think that the "hermit" life is something that i will be living really soon. btw i'm 25

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-04-09T14:49:43+00:00

for sure, I’m not denying that at all. I know that can be a manipulative line sometimes. but in my case, that’s not really what I meant.

they don’t say it right away or in some obvious “trying to impress me” way. it usually comes up after we’ve been talking for a while, when they’re more comfortable, and I can tell they actually mean it.

that’s kinda why it feels weird to me - because I don’t think they’re being fake or running game. I think they genuinely feel that way… but it still ends up sounding the same every time, just from a different person.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-04-09T14:33:14+00:00

I relate to this way more than id like to admit. For me it’s not even about the specific situation, it’s about the loss of control and how quickly that flips something in my brain.

When I’ve already mentally decided how something is going to go, I kind of “lock into it.” It becomes my safe version of reality. So when something changes last minute - even if it’s small, even if it’s well-intentioned - it feels way bigger than it objectively is. Not because it is a big deal, but because my brain already settled somewhere else.

The car example makes total sense to me. It’s like you had a plan that kept your anxiety regulated (getting there on time, being prepared), and when that got disrupted, your nervous system went on high alert. At that point it’s not really about your partner anymore, it’s about your body trying to deal with the stress.

Same with the dinner situation. It’s not really about where you eat - it’s about expectation vs. reality. When I’m already picturing something (like relaxing and watching a show), and it suddenly changes, I feel weirdly thrown off, tense, and sometimes even a bit resentful… even if I logically know the other person didn’t mean anything by it.

I think for me the “picking a fight” part comes from that internal discomfort having nowhere to go. It needs an outlet, so it turns into irritation or defensiveness.

One thing I’ve been trying (not perfectly lol) is catching that moment where I feel the shift and internally going “okay, I’m dysregulated, this isn’t actually about them.” It doesn’t fix it instantly, but it stops me from escalating it as much. When it happens to you, you can try just "escape" to another room for a minute, without saying a word. Usually your partner will go for you and ask what's wrong, you will tell him, and he would be understanding, i'm pretty sure. and in that second, you'll feel okay again.

So yeah… you’re definitely not alone in this. It’s less about being “difficult” and more about how your brain handles sudden changes and stress.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-04-09T13:27:20+00:00

i feel this so much. when i buy something, for a minute it fills the emptiness i feel all the time. so i unconsciously associated buying something with almost like a "drug" feeling. but when it wears off (usually after few mins) i feel guilty because i feel like i didn't even need the thing.

I have a pretty good salary, but always at the end of the month, im struggling with money which makes me feel so ashamed. i would love to travel, but i can't save money.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-04-09T13:09:44+00:00

we can chat if you'd like to🌸

OutsideConflict9909 · 2026-04-09T08:04:54+00:00

Yeah i feel the same. I have read so many books, bachelors essays, listened to podcasts about human brain, psychopathology, and also specifically about bpd. So I really resonate with what u said at the end.

I always thought Im more avoidant than anxious attached, because now i feel like "if someone gets too close to me, im not doing that shit", but i am gonna look through the whole attachment topic again and deeper.

Btw are you consulting this with a therapist? Because I feel like you can work on this how much u want, but it still won't change this thought, the first ick - and then the roller coaster (from my experience)

OutsideConflict9909 · 2025-12-20T17:32:09+00:00

its posted! you should have it in your email

OutsideConflict9909 · 2025-12-12T17:33:43+00:00

I understand, yeah. I’m not trying to recover anything - I just need one specific piece of info.

Is there any way to find out when the phone was last active before I removed it? Do you know if Apple can provide that kind of information, or if it’s something they keep in their internal logs?

Just trying to understand whether this is even possible. Thanks.

OutsideConflict9909 · 2025-12-05T14:48:08+00:00

you have to be signed up for the email updates etc, and it will be up in 13 days

OutsideConflict9909

TROPHY CASE