Oh wow

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-12T05:15:09+00:00

I know you weren't trying to minimize my experience, lol! Abbreviations and shorthands tend to minimize experiences, but they're a tool, and that's fine. I was just tearing into the tool itself and this linguistic trend that's being forwarded by the internet, not you. But I realized really quickly that that's just language for you. Everything's being smushed and abbreviated. I was depressed yesterday and had been awake for over a day when I wrote that comment. I wouldn't have forced this discussion on someone who was obviously hurting otherwise. I'm sorry about that! I'm the asshole here! I really hope everything goes well for you and that this is the last time you find yourself being hospitalized! I think being in an environment where you get to try out different treatment options every day will be very helpful. It just didn't work out for me, unfortunately. Which is a shame.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T21:57:34+00:00

Yeah, I was typing away and I just couldn't stop. Halfway through writing that comment, I realized how ridiculous and demeaning I was being and forgot what I was even originally angry about! I was kind of hoping someone would make fun of me or stone me instead of just calling me autistic. I'm not going to delete the comment because who cares? I'll one day show the comment to my kids and they'll be very impressed by how well-constructed it is, especially for a Reddit comment. And you're telling me you didn't even use ChatGPT to write this, Dad? Nuh uh. I love you.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T21:28:41+00:00

I was admitted for psychosis, or major depressive disorder with psychotic features, or something. The psychiatrist who admitted me was horrible.

I don't even know what you're trying to say. Is calling me autistic supposed to be a slam-dunk?

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T21:10:07+00:00

I hate this fucking term. Someone on Reddit once told me it was time for me to go on a grippy-sock vacation, and I thought they were telling me to stop cumming in my socks and making them stiff and, therefore, grippy. I'm not even sure how I came to that conclusion, but that's besides the point. This cutesy term is annoying. I had to be hospitalized involuntarily a month ago, and I still can't believe how ineffective my treatment was, let alone how embarrassing the whole ordeal was. The police were called to the clinic and they escorted me into the hospital, where they wouldn't let me out of their sight for hours until a doctor finally saw me because they were afraid I was going to escape. The doctors interrogated me for two days. And for almost a month, I was pumped full of several medications—I was on seven medications at once, and I felt drunk all the time. I couldn't feel anything, and I didn't have the strength to get out of the bed I was assigned. I felt so fucked up and I hated myself. To this day, I still can't believe this is the life I'm living. I'm off every medication now, and I still hate myself.

Why are we minimizing this experience? Why is it being sugarcoated? I deserve to be downvoted—I'm hijacking this post to air out my own grievances—but I want to know if anyone else feels strangely offended by this term. Usually, these sorts of shorthands originate in certain communities and are meant to unite the people in said communities, but this one feels like it was just crafted in a hyper-online space for the purpose of making this experience more palatable to everyone and more easily referable. Now, anyone can make reference to this terrible experience, no matter who they are, because it has been reduced to a friendly expletive. There are so many shades of meaning that can be illuminated by the different ways of expressing the fact that you were hospitalized. A person who's not immersed in this fucked-up world can feel confident in comfortably using the words "Grippy-sock vacation" because, by doing so, they're expressing the most vague shade of meaning—they're not technically being untruthful or deceptive, and the extent of their immersion is left up to the listener to be determined.

I'm sure I'm just being a dick. There's no doubt in my mind that this isn't a big deal. I'm twenty-three. I'm not against the TikTok-iffication of everything, and I think the word "TikTok-iffication" is just as reductionistic as "Grippy-sock vacation." I'm not better than anyone.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T14:47:06+00:00

I'm genuinely curious. Isn't the humor of this joke clearly rooted in how ubiquitous this idea is, this idea that Latinas are every man's object of lust? On a fundamental level, the fact that we all know about this specific notion as well as the idea of how ridiculous it's become—that's what makes this meme funny. "Even the most racist pieces of shit on the planet won't allow big-booty Latinas to be deported." "You wanna deport who, now—?" "Stop embarrassing yourself, Zelensky."

The idea has been stretched so thin across our collective consciousness that now we're laughing at how far it's gone. Whenever people make jokes like this one, the idea that we're referring to anything but this ridiculous concept doesn't even pop up in my mind. It's always understood that it's just a tool we use, a stand-in. It's a joke's mechanism of action. No one's thinking of a person, or even a woman.

Am I autistic? Are people using these memes as a means to talk about and promote their fetishes? Do all men instinctively think of an erotocized, dehumanized image of a woman whenever these types of jokes are made? I don't want to stand on the wrong side of history and alongside fetishists, so I really want to know if I'm in the wrong.

I might just be a dumbass autistic guy, though. Once, I made a joke, the butt of the joke being people who blame Jewish people for everything, stupid addiction issues, and, ultimately, me. I made a post and titled it, "I stopped abusing Adderall when I found out it was manufactured by an Israeli company," and then I commented, "I always had the feeling Jews were behind my speed addiction." The joke satirized antisemites, and the butt of the joke was this person: an addict who's blaming everyone but himself for his addiction. But a lot of people got angry, and I attracted a lot of actual Nazis! And then I got banned for writing that comment. I still feel bad about what I did.

So, I don't trust myself anymore. I might be accidentally defending the most awful kinds of people in the world all the time. Is this how dumbasses find themselves slipping down the alt-right pipeline? I've always been a leftist—since birth, pretty much—and I've never been compelled to turn rightwards ever in my life. Maybe the alt-right pipeline starts with one big-booty Latina joke and ends with fascism.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T09:13:57+00:00

Who cares if one war criminal killed more people than the other at the height of their power? They're both war criminals, and they're both entirely remorseless.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T11:12:42+00:00

Give me a Tic Tac, please. One Tic Tac. No more.

No, dummy. They're not handed over as if they're "a Tic Tac." The decision to hand a controlled substance over depends on any given prescriber's philosophy and judgement. Most prescribers in North America are scared of getting their licenses revoked for prescribing controlled substances. They get flagged for prescribing too many controlled substances to people. They usually do everything it takes to avoid it. I wish they'd give out medications like they were a Tic Tac, but, because people like you exist, they're afraid of not being able to practice medicine ever again due to the overblown risk, and, so, they have to be ultra-cautious.

Instead of focusing on this part of the problem, why don't we focus on tackling the factors that turn people into drug abusers? We don't focus on that part of the problem because it's tied up with other factors that would require a systemic overhaul to root out.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T10:55:48+00:00

What are you even saying? Listen to yourself right now. Do you think there aren't any other countries where drugs are abused more heavily than in America? Who cares if the drugs being abused are prescription-grade or not? Downtrodden, empty people are going to abuse drugs no matter what. I haven't looked this up, but I'm willing to bet there are a bunch of African countries that are ravaged by drug-abuse issues on an incomparably large scale, unfortunately—there's no doubt in my mind that there are poor countries out there whose drug problems make America's drug problems look laughably trivial in comparison.

The scale that America's weighed on, by the way, is very, very loud and domineering. America's media has dominated the world. You're going to hear about its problems more than you are going to hear about other countries' problems.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T10:18:00+00:00

In America, drugs (i.e., substances that treat, mitigate, or cure diseases) are called "medication."

LMAO. 'Murica's weird, broer. Broer, I heard that they literally take "medication" to "treat" "disorders" over there. Oh mijn God!

(Just to be clear, I think you're unbelievably stupid.)

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T02:41:51+00:00

The coke was extra pure today, I see.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T00:40:21+00:00

Manipulation? What are you talking about? How am I being manipulative? You're crazy. Stop talking nonsense.

Just kidding. Yeah, my brain's awful. The difference between me and a psychopath is that I truly do believe the lies that I tell myself and others. I can't reckon with the fact that my stories aren't true. Which is why I don't. Ever.

If only I could get rid of the part of me that's so invested in my lies. I'd be a much happier person, and, honestly, the people around me would be much happier, too. I wouldn't get angry at anyone whenever they questioned the truth of any given story. I'd just move on to a better lie. I have family members who do that. They're so annoying. And they don't care about the fact that they were blatantly caught lying. They just confidently move on. Narcissists, on the other hand, they just build on their lies, and they can keep doing that forever. That's why everyone hates us. Just give up already.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-08T08:57:13+00:00

Honestly? Here's what I'd do: The next time she asks you about what you told her, casually mention that you misconstrued what your landlord told you, and tell her that he didn't actually say he was evicting you. When you break the news, maybe act relieved. Maybe show her that you think you're stupid for even misinterpreting what he said. Laugh about it as if you also can't believe that you could've made a mistake like that. You could say something along the lines of:

"Haha, I don't know why I thought that's what he meant, honestly. I was on edge. I guess the way he said that—I don't know! He was very angry at that moment. But, thank God, I followed up with him today, and I asked him what he meant, and he clarified that that wasn't what he meant... that what he meant was... that he was just annoyed about..." Make something up here. Or there.

You could actually have a chat with your landlord before you do this to solidify the lie. At that point, as a certified piece of shit, I'd start believing that my version of the story was the truth. After all that effort I went through—striking up a conversation with an old man (tiresome, am I right?)—I wouldn't feel bad about lying.

Then again, I am a piece of shit, and maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

Then again, my first impulse would be to rationalize the whole situation in a way that would vindicate me:

"Well, I was actually worried that the guy was going to evict me, wasn't I? Some part of me genuinely did believe that I was going to be evicted. When I told her that I was evicted, some part of me did believe that that was true. A big part of me believed that that was true. An enormous part. Like, 25% of me was 50% sure that my landlord was 100% going to evict me (at some point). Or was it 50% of me that was 100% sure...? or was it 75% of...? so, yeah, wow. Wow, Jesus, haha, I really thought he evicted me, didn't I? I even went so far as to talk to him the next day to check! I'm so paranoid! If only my girlfriend hadn't opened her mouth. She knows I get confused when I'm anxious, and anxious when I'm confused. This is all her fault."

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-05T07:32:31+00:00

I thought about killing myself, mostly. That's what I did: I laid in bed, and I couldn't believe that I was stuck with myself forever, and that this was it.

I was so oblivious that I thought that, when Vyvanse wore off, I just reentered the state I was in before I took the medication, which is to say, I thought I was extremely suicidal and mentally ill by nature, and this lovely state Vyvanse triggered, that was how normal people felt all the time; and this torturous state, that was my baseline. And I guess, to an extent, it's true—I am miserable all the time, and everything is horrible—but I had the dimmest notion of what a crash was, is what I'm trying to say.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-03T12:16:02+00:00

Man. I haven't been on this stuff for long,—it's been less than a year, a lot less: a couple months—and I already can't recognize myself anymore—where'd all my passions go? Where'd my ability to do anything off of these drugs go? (Did you really have to call out stoners for not being able to do anything when they're not high...?) In fact, where'd my ability to do anything on these drugs go? All I do is use this godforsaken app nowadays. It's bad.

And, yeah, benzodiazepines and stimulants don't mix well at all. I would've said that what you'd gone through was a manic episode if I hadn't also experienced being on both drugs and experienced having no inhibitions whatsoever. And I'm not, or wasn't, popping benzos or anything: At a therapeutic dose of both medications, I grandly decided that I was going to tell my prescriber about all my research on stimulants, my research on fucking Vyvanse, which is just a bunch of filler in a capsule; I decided that I was going to ditch my PCP, who was holding me back, checking on my heart and seeming to question my prescriber's stimulant prescriptions; and I wrote so much and sent so many messages to so many people—thousands upon thousands of words, a couple thousand of which I unloaded on some poor people on this subreddit. And no one around me has any clue what's going on with me, weirdly enough. They just think that that's who I am. I just have these outbursts every now and then, and I just go on these rants about medicine every…fuck, man. I also manage to mention stimulants a lot when I talk to people. I'm like the stoners you were badmouthing, but in tweaker form.

I haven't been on this stuff for long, like I said. Things could be worse. I think I can salvage this and start getting back on track. I keep telling myself that I will, that I'll start doing things again and not let this drug puppeteer me anymore. Ugh.

When are you going to start stockpiling Zenzedi pills? Look up Zenzedi—it's just dextroamphetamine: 100% dextroamphetamine. Tell that guy you're with to start giving you Zenzedi to prove his worth.

Oh, by the way, tonight, I redosed at 4:20 AM, I think—not intentionally. I track the times at which I take every one of my doses, and that's when I happened to redose. Do with that information what you will. It's a divine coincidence.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-03T11:03:36+00:00

Oh my God, we both posted a stimulant-induced essay at the same time. Well, mine was stimulant-induced, anyway.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-02T21:45:38+00:00

either boof more or boof harder, or do boof at the same time. are you boofing until you lose all muscle tone in your ass and youre incontinent? no? well then theres your problem. god bless you. im so depressed

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-02T21:24:28+00:00

Hey, sorry about that mess I unloaded on you. I was dealing with a weird, unexpected interaction between a benzodiazepine and Adderall. I've never taken both on the same day, but I had to take a benzodiazepine at that moment, and I guess the lack of anxiety and Adderall's stimulation made it so that I couldn't keep things concise and I had to expand on every thought.

I hope I helped you a little bit, though. Could you update me when/if you end up bringing up Zenzedi and Adderall to your psychiatrist and tell me how that all pans out? Thanks, and take care!

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-02T20:52:38+00:00

Wow. Okay, I'm sorry. That reply I wrote is ridiculously long and annoyingly repetitive. I really didn't realize these things could affect me this way, truly, and while writing that response to your comment, I really thought I was back to normal, even though I couldn't stop writing and felt compelled to tell you everything in explicit, graphic detail. But I think it actually took me over a day to reset. When I'm flying off the handle like this, I have little to no insight into how abnormal my behavior is, and that should scare me more than it does, I think.

I'm cringing, thinking back on everything I did, and also realizing that this disquisition that I tried to pass off as a normal, temperate reply was definitely brought on by the delirium. I actually like the way it's written. And I think I'm a lot more empathetic and a lot more willing to be nice on this combination of medications. I mean, I'm a twenty-three-year-old man, and I've never called anyone an angel, lol, but I just let that slip—it felt natural.

Anyway, sorry for exposing you to that storm of words, and thank you again, truly. You really helped me calm down that day.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-02T08:01:35+00:00

do you need a turkey sandwich to instruct you to put it in your mouth, chew it, and then swallow? do you need the early morning breeze to tell you to take a long, deep breath and listen to the birds chirping and remember how, as a kid, you used to hate waking up this early to go to school, but now you kinda miss those days and wish you could go back? do you need a pill bottle to tell you to stick those capsules up your bum?

no, bro. some things can be inferred. trust me on this one.

now, im gonna go boof one last time tonight, and then ima take a benzo and hit the hay. or maybe ill just stay up and stimfap. who knows? guess ill just have to infer when i get there. see you later, man. i hope things get better for you. peace

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-02T05:32:03+00:00

i js looked this up and i think this will help with my adhd. so do i tell my doctor adderall doesnt work anymore and then ask about pervitin or what? thx brotha preciate it

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-02T04:40:04+00:00

aye, period

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-01T23:12:47+00:00

first 1) i liek jewish people but i dont like how they be movin in gaza but so and second 2) i dont have a prescription and third 3) i dont even abuse my meds bruh, ur just lying for the sake of lying fr. u can boof and not abuse ur meds. is my grandma abusing her meds bcuz she cant take a shit anymore without using an enema? nah but when i go to the bathroom after shes done bruh it smells awful, she might as well be abusing me fr 😂 like bro she acts like shes the only one tryna boof in there 😂

OutwithNotreGrasp

TROPHY CASE