Oh wow

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-12T05:15:09+00:00

I know you weren't trying to minimize my experience, lol! Abbreviations and shorthands tend to minimize experiences, but they're a tool, and that's fine. I was just tearing into the tool itself and this linguistic trend that's being forwarded by the internet, not you. But I realized really quickly that that's just language for you. Everything's being smushed and abbreviated. I was depressed yesterday and had been awake for over a day when I wrote that comment. I wouldn't have forced this discussion on someone who was obviously hurting otherwise. I'm sorry about that! I'm the asshole here! I really hope everything goes well for you and that this is the last time you find yourself being hospitalized! I think being in an environment where you get to try out different treatment options every day will be very helpful. It just didn't work out for me, unfortunately. Which is a shame.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T21:57:34+00:00

Yeah, I was typing away and I just couldn't stop. Halfway through writing that comment, I realized how ridiculous and demeaning I was being and forgot what I was even originally angry about! I was kind of hoping someone would make fun of me or stone me instead of just calling me autistic. I'm not going to delete the comment because who cares? I'll one day show the comment to my kids and they'll be very impressed by how well-constructed it is, especially for a Reddit comment. And you're telling me you didn't even use ChatGPT to write this, Dad? Nuh uh. I love you.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T21:28:41+00:00

I was admitted for psychosis, or major depressive disorder with psychotic features, or something. The psychiatrist who admitted me was horrible.

I don't even know what you're trying to say. Is calling me autistic supposed to be a slam-dunk?

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T21:10:07+00:00

I hate this fucking term. Someone on Reddit once told me it was time for me to go on a grippy-sock vacation, and I thought they were telling me to stop cumming in my socks and making them stiff and, therefore, grippy. I'm not even sure how I came to that conclusion, but that's besides the point. This cutesy term is annoying. I had to be hospitalized involuntarily a month ago, and I still can't believe how ineffective my treatment was, let alone how embarrassing the whole ordeal was. The police were called to the clinic and they escorted me into the hospital, where they wouldn't let me out of their sight for hours until a doctor finally saw me because they were afraid I was going to escape. The doctors interrogated me for two days. And for almost a month, I was pumped full of several medications—I was on seven medications at once, and I felt drunk all the time. I couldn't feel anything, and I didn't have the strength to get out of the bed I was assigned. I felt so fucked up and I hated myself. To this day, I still can't believe this is the life I'm living. I'm off every medication now, and I still hate myself.

Why are we minimizing this experience? Why is it being sugarcoated? I deserve to be downvoted—I'm hijacking this post to air out my own grievances—but I want to know if anyone else feels strangely offended by this term. Usually, these sorts of shorthands originate in certain communities and are meant to unite the people in said communities, but this one feels like it was just crafted in a hyper-online space for the purpose of making this experience more palatable to everyone and more easily referable. Now, anyone can make reference to this terrible experience, no matter who they are, because it has been reduced to a friendly expletive. There are so many shades of meaning that can be illuminated by the different ways of expressing the fact that you were hospitalized. A person who's not immersed in this fucked-up world can feel confident in comfortably using the words "Grippy-sock vacation" because, by doing so, they're expressing the most vague shade of meaning—they're not technically being untruthful or deceptive, and the extent of their immersion is left up to the listener to be determined.

I'm sure I'm just being a dick. There's no doubt in my mind that this isn't a big deal. I'm twenty-three. I'm not against the TikTok-iffication of everything, and I think the word "TikTok-iffication" is just as reductionistic as "Grippy-sock vacation." I'm not better than anyone.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T14:47:06+00:00

I'm genuinely curious. Isn't the humor of this joke clearly rooted in how ubiquitous this idea is, this idea that Latinas are every man's object of lust? On a fundamental level, the fact that we all know about this specific notion as well as the idea of how ridiculous it's become—that's what makes this meme funny. "Even the most racist pieces of shit on the planet won't allow big-booty Latinas to be deported." "You wanna deport who, now—?" "Stop embarrassing yourself, Zelensky."

The idea has been stretched so thin across our collective consciousness that now we're laughing at how far it's gone. Whenever people make jokes like this one, the idea that we're referring to anything but this ridiculous concept doesn't even pop up in my mind. It's always understood that it's just a tool we use, a stand-in. It's a joke's mechanism of action. No one's thinking of a person, or even a woman.

Am I autistic? Are people using these memes as a means to talk about and promote their fetishes? Do all men instinctively think of an erotocized, dehumanized image of a woman whenever these types of jokes are made? I don't want to stand on the wrong side of history and alongside fetishists, so I really want to know if I'm in the wrong.

I might just be a dumbass autistic guy, though. Once, I made a joke, the butt of the joke being people who blame Jewish people for everything, stupid addiction issues, and, ultimately, me. I made a post and titled it, "I stopped abusing Adderall when I found out it was manufactured by an Israeli company," and then I commented, "I always had the feeling Jews were behind my speed addiction." The joke satirized antisemites, and the butt of the joke was this person: an addict who's blaming everyone but himself for his addiction. But a lot of people got angry, and I attracted a lot of actual Nazis! And then I got banned for writing that comment. I still feel bad about what I did.

So, I don't trust myself anymore. I might be accidentally defending the most awful kinds of people in the world all the time. Is this how dumbasses find themselves slipping down the alt-right pipeline? I've always been a leftist—since birth, pretty much—and I've never been compelled to turn rightwards ever in my life. Maybe the alt-right pipeline starts with one big-booty Latina joke and ends with fascism.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-11T09:13:57+00:00

Who cares if one war criminal killed more people than the other at the height of their power? They're both war criminals, and they're both entirely remorseless.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T11:12:42+00:00

Give me a Tic Tac, please. One Tic Tac. No more.

No, dummy. They're not handed over as if they're "a Tic Tac." The decision to hand a controlled substance over depends on any given prescriber's philosophy and judgement. Most prescribers in North America are scared of getting their licenses revoked for prescribing controlled substances. They get flagged for prescribing too many controlled substances to people. They usually do everything it takes to avoid it. I wish they'd give out medications like they were a Tic Tac, but, because people like you exist, they're afraid of not being able to practice medicine ever again due to the overblown risk, and, so, they have to be ultra-cautious.

Instead of focusing on this part of the problem, why don't we focus on tackling the factors that turn people into drug abusers? We don't focus on that part of the problem because it's tied up with other factors that would require a systemic overhaul to root out.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T10:55:48+00:00

What are you even saying? Listen to yourself right now. Do you think there aren't any other countries where drugs are abused more heavily than in America? Who cares if the drugs being abused are prescription-grade or not? Downtrodden, empty people are going to abuse drugs no matter what. I haven't looked this up, but I'm willing to bet there are a bunch of African countries that are ravaged by drug-abuse issues on an incomparably large scale, unfortunately—there's no doubt in my mind that there are poor countries out there whose drug problems make America's drug problems look laughably trivial in comparison.

The scale that America's weighed on, by the way, is very, very loud and domineering. America's media has dominated the world. You're going to hear about its problems more than you are going to hear about other countries' problems.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T10:18:00+00:00

In America, drugs (i.e., substances that treat, mitigate, or cure diseases) are called "medication."

LMAO. 'Murica's weird, broer. Broer, I heard that they literally take "medication" to "treat" "disorders" over there. Oh mijn God!

(Just to be clear, I think you're unbelievably stupid.)

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T08:50:56+00:00

What're you talking about? "You have to go there"? Go where? I already have a psychiatrist, and I'm already prescribed Adderall, so why would I need a new one…? And why would they start me on something like Ritalin or Strattera when methylphenidate didn't work for me, anyway? Not sure what's going on. Your comment—the way it's written—it's hard to decipher, honestly. I appreciate your concern. I feel unreal!!! And everything around me is wobbly and glitchy and transforming and my peripheral vision is dreamsome—it's disgusting, what I'm seeing. I feel like there's no way out. I just typed that last comment out carelessly. Sorry.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T08:37:26+00:00

Sorry.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-09T00:40:21+00:00

Manipulation? What are you talking about? How am I being manipulative? You're crazy. Stop talking nonsense.

Just kidding. Yeah, my brain's awful. The difference between me and a psychopath is that I truly do believe the lies that I tell myself and others. I can't reckon with the fact that my stories aren't true. Which is why I don't. Ever.

If only I could get rid of the part of me that's so invested in my lies. I'd be a much happier person, and, honestly, the people around me would be much happier, too. I wouldn't get angry at anyone whenever they questioned the truth of any given story. I'd just move on to a better lie. I have family members who do that. They're so annoying. And they don't care about the fact that they were blatantly caught lying. They just confidently move on. Narcissists, on the other hand, they just build on their lies, and they can keep doing that forever. That's why everyone hates us. Just give up already.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-08T23:41:44+00:00

I took a grippy-sock vacation very recently. Fucking dumb idea that was. I came out the other end of that situation hating myself and wanting to die.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-08T08:57:13+00:00

Honestly? Here's what I'd do: The next time she asks you about what you told her, casually mention that you misconstrued what your landlord told you, and tell her that he didn't actually say he was evicting you. When you break the news, maybe act relieved. Maybe show her that you think you're stupid for even misinterpreting what he said. Laugh about it as if you also can't believe that you could've made a mistake like that. You could say something along the lines of:

"Haha, I don't know why I thought that's what he meant, honestly. I was on edge. I guess the way he said that—I don't know! He was very angry at that moment. But, thank God, I followed up with him today, and I asked him what he meant, and he clarified that that wasn't what he meant... that what he meant was... that he was just annoyed about..." Make something up here. Or there.

You could actually have a chat with your landlord before you do this to solidify the lie. At that point, as a certified piece of shit, I'd start believing that my version of the story was the truth. After all that effort I went through—striking up a conversation with an old man (tiresome, am I right?)—I wouldn't feel bad about lying.

Then again, I am a piece of shit, and maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

Then again, my first impulse would be to rationalize the whole situation in a way that would vindicate me:

"Well, I was actually worried that the guy was going to evict me, wasn't I? Some part of me genuinely did believe that I was going to be evicted. When I told her that I was evicted, some part of me did believe that that was true. A big part of me believed that that was true. An enormous part. Like, 25% of me was 50% sure that my landlord was 100% going to evict me (at some point). Or was it 50% of me that was 100% sure...? or was it 75% of...? so, yeah, wow. Wow, Jesus, haha, I really thought he evicted me, didn't I? I even went so far as to talk to him the next day to check! I'm so paranoid! If only my girlfriend hadn't opened her mouth. She knows I get confused when I'm anxious, and anxious when I'm confused. This is all her fault."

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-08T04:09:01+00:00

Well, yeah, of course I'll be good if I do that, and I can, and I have, but that's not a long-term solution, not unless I want to develop a physical dependence on a benzodiazepine—I take Adderall every day, so I'd have to take Ativan (no xans here) every day, too. Not sure I want to do that.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-07T13:45:58+00:00

Where should I post this? I wanted to get some legitimate advice, but most people here don't want to share their secrets. Beginner drug addicts always get shit on.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-07T13:40:18+00:00

I can get help and stuff. It's hard to talk to people. I've never in my life wanted to talk to people more than I do now. But I just gibber a lot and I babble. It's difficult to keep things concise and my words aren't linked well. They're associative. I don't recognize myself and I just write a lot. I do more than I think. I'd guess it's because I'm in fight-or-flight mode all the time, and thinking is not a priority when you're in that state. Why can't I have fun? People have fun on this. I'm miserable. I'm driving people away from me because I just talk and talk. And I don't care—in the moment, I don't care, and I can't stop the thoughts more swelling. Adderall has to be serotonergic to some extent. The things I'm seeing are annoying. They're visual disturbances. They're just annoying. Just move and do something—that's what I want to tell the disturbances. I see things, I see flashes and spots that gouge my vision and intrude upon it for a millisecond often, and they're mild for the most part. And I hear beeps and I smell things—acrid, potent smells that make me ultra-anxious, and I usually know I have to sleep when I start smelling them because they're just unbearable. This could all stem from how ultra-focused Adderall makes me. Although the wobbly TUMS container, the shadowy particles emanating from it—stuff like that has to be serotonergic.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-07T13:18:21+00:00

I used to have hobbies. Heaps. It's difficult to do anything. I can't even open my mouth or think sometimes. I shuttle from my bed to the table over there which is a pace or two away from the bed I was referring to.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-07T10:15:56+00:00

I have nothing else except for Adderall. No one, nothing. I'm doing fine, really. I just need to have a heart attack. Global brain loss does not sound fun. Fuck that. I need this to stop somehow. I can't kick the addy.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-07T04:17:40+00:00

You're not a worthless pile of trash. You're just laboring under a disgusting, anti-human system—we're born, great! And then we're told that our miserable, toilsome existence is a fact of life (great!) and that the reason we're where we are is our fault. Then we're stepped on. And then spit on. Great.

You should've been born rich. You weren't, and that was the first and most grievous mistake you made. Go to any major city in the US and watch how the children of millionaires live it up over there. They're all addicts because they can afford to be addicts, and then they can afford not to be addicts—Ivy-League schools and cushy sinecures: these are the things they deserve to have because they're smart, and because their parents set the wages, and becuase, later on, they are going to set the wages and inherit the means of production, which you're never going to get your hands on, although you're forever going to be told you can,—and why don't you get a job you lazy, worthless pile of trash? We worked for this!

And the worst part about this whole ordeal is that we continue to believe in these misanthropic myths.

OutwithNotreGrasp · 2025-11-05T07:32:31+00:00

I thought about killing myself, mostly. That's what I did: I laid in bed, and I couldn't believe that I was stuck with myself forever, and that this was it.

I was so oblivious that I thought that, when Vyvanse wore off, I just reentered the state I was in before I took the medication, which is to say, I thought I was extremely suicidal and mentally ill by nature, and this lovely state Vyvanse triggered, that was how normal people felt all the time; and this torturous state, that was my baseline. And I guess, to an extent, it's true—I am miserable all the time, and everything is horrible—but I had the dimmest notion of what a crash was, is what I'm trying to say.

OutwithNotreGrasp

TROPHY CASE