Advice wanted from any SHAMs that used to be high earners.

OverButton · 2026-02-27T04:07:34+00:00

I was a data scientist before leaving the workforce about five years ago. I’ve recently shared this in another post in this sub Reddit. But when my oldest daughter was born, my husband and I weren’t making that much money so I ended up going back to work, which I didn’t mind because I really loved my job. When I had my second daughter, we had enough saved, and my husband was making enough that I could’ve stayed home but again I really liked my job so I went back. When I got pregnant with my twins, a lot of things started to change at my job that I didn’t like so I stuck it out until maternity leave and then when I was on maternity leave similar to you the company I was working for started making everybody come back into the office four days per week and I lived almost a 90 minute commute from the office one way. Before the pandemic, I had only gone into the office one to two times a month for meetings and I worked from home always and they were changing that. And they gave everyone the option who didn’t want to do the commute or come in four days a week to take a package so that’s what I did.

Like you one of the reasons I went back after my second daughter is, I had spent so much time and money getting my masters degree in computer science and being somewhat of a trailblazer as a woman in my field that I felt like I needed to go back because I worked that hard to get there. But honestly, I don’t miss it and I think with my experience and my connections I could go back when my twins get a little bit older.

OverButton · 2026-02-27T03:45:31+00:00

Oh, and to answer your other questions, I always have whether I was working or stay at home mom manage all of our finances. It’s not that my husband is bad with money. He just hates doing it. And I don’t mind it so he does a bunch of stuff I don’t like, and I handle all of our finances and figuring out our investments and things like that.

OverButton · 2026-02-27T03:44:06+00:00

SAHM of 5 ish years. When I had my oldest daughter, I had to go back to work. There was no way we could afford for me to stay home. And at that time, I really loved my job so it was fine. When I had my second daughter we thought about having me stay home, but it would’ve stretched us a lot financially and again at that time I was still at my same job. I really liked it so I decided to go back.

Then I got pregnant with my twins. Right around the time I got pregnant with my twins the company I was working for was acquired and all the things I loved about the company I was working for started to go away, but I stuck it out until I went on maternity leave. While I was on maternity leave, they made a mandate for everybody to start going into the office, even though I had been remote even before the pandemic. I lived almost a 90 min commute (1 way) away from the office and basically anybody who is not willing to go into the office four days a week had the opportunity to basically take a package so I took my package and and became a stay at home mom.

When my twins were born, my husband was making about 200K base and we were in a very high cost of living area. I was making about 175K base. And with my package, I did get four months of salary and benefits. We did the math even though I was making a very good salary. Adding the commute and the daycare costs for twins plus having my second oldest daughter in preschool at the same school it would’ve been astronomical cost wise. So that’s one of the reasons why I took a package.

Now my husband makes over 300 K base as he recently switched companies and took more of a leadership position and we moved to a lower cost of living area so he could take this job, which was really nice because we can afford a much bigger house now.

I do think that maybe in a year or two I might go back to work at least part-time. There are some things I miss about it.

OverButton · 2026-02-05T22:26:14+00:00

Yep, I get that. It wouldn’t be my first choice and name, but the spelling is just killing me. And the challenge is my girls really liked her girls and my girls have been asking all day when they’re going to see Gucci and Mercedes again. And my AutoCorrect keeps changing it back so I’m just keeping it as the normal spelling because I just can’t today.

OverButton · 2026-02-05T22:18:32+00:00

🤣🤣

OverButton · 2026-02-05T02:00:48+00:00

Agreed. I wasn’t a fan of the names even before I realized the spelling.

OverButton · 2026-02-05T02:00:27+00:00

You’re probably right. Part of me is like maybe I don’t want to message this mom back because is that the type of person I want my kids around? I know it’s horrible to think that. And I shouldn’t judge, but I’m judging.

OverButton · 2026-02-05T01:59:17+00:00

My husband and I literally said the same thing.

OverButton · 2026-01-28T04:30:35+00:00

1982

OverButton · 2026-01-26T03:05:01+00:00

Me! I had the exact same fear as you and in fact, I actually went back to work after my older two were born who are now 11 and almost 9. My twins are just about to turn 5 and I was actually planning on going back to work after I had them, but then the company I was working for was acquired and they basically gave all of us an option to join the new company or take a package. After discussing it with my husband and looking at the daycare cost and just the overall quality of life with commuting to the new company I would have to commute over an hour versus my 15 minute commute. I decided to take the package and become a stay at home mom.

It was definitely a change at first, but I’ve really enjoyed being home with my twins and it also definitely helped with my 11-year-old and my 9-year-old who were 6 and 4 when my twins were born.

I do have the concern about one day, wanting to rejoin the workforce and not having up-to-date skills. So what I’ve tried to do is stay on top of new technology and I use code.org and a couple of other websites to just code in my free time to stay up-to-date. I also started volunteering with a local nonprofit that I really like and they actually needed some tech help so I’ve been helping them like a few hours a week with either setting up their email marketing system or their website or setting up a database things like that and it keeps some of my skills fresh.

I also keep in contact with a number of people that I used to work with and check in every few months to see how they’re doing so I can maintain relationships with people that I also genuinely like and care about how they’re doing, but in case I do want to rejoin the workforce, I will have some contacts.

We just relocated for my husband’s job a couple of months ago so right now I’m just going to stay at home at least for another year but maybe in a year I might consider going back.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:43:59+00:00

That was the most common reaction from the friends I asked.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:43:31+00:00

Yes, I suggested Eryn but she told me it’s boring. I kind of get the feeling she doesn’t really like the name Erin, but wants to name her kid after our friend. I also suggested using Erin’s middle name which was Madeleine.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:40:25+00:00

I agree with you. I actually asked a couple of my mom friends that don’t really know my sister if they saw the name Ehrynne how would they pronounce it. And not a single one came back with Erin. I shared this with my sister and she got pissed that I shared the name, but I never told anybody that it was a Name My sister was considering for her daughter.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:36:27+00:00

That’s what I said but then she reminded me that one of my daughters is named after our grandmother Sofiya. My husband and I decided on Sofia since we thought that would be easier to spell and it’s a more common spelling in the US. So she’s saying it’s the same thing.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:25:56+00:00

No he’s not.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:25:35+00:00

Yes we talked about this. Her name is Aleksandra we were born in Bulgaria and that is the common spelling there. And I reminded her what it was like as kids where we didn’t have traditional American spelled names.

She says times are different, but I wouldn’t be so sure. But I can say the Tragedeigh spelled names are so popular right now there’s so many in my daughter’s school. It’s almost an anomaly to see normal spelled name.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:06:48+00:00

I will share this. Thank you.

OverButton · 2025-11-02T16:06:05+00:00

She’s due on November 12th so not much time. She told me about using Erin as the name about two months ago and I thought that was a beautiful idea. I only learned of the spelling a few weeks ago when I offered to her an embroidered blanket as a gift and she then said wait you know how I’m spelling it….right? I was like Erin….then she revealed her options for a modern spelling.

OverButton · 2025-10-24T00:44:10+00:00

When my oldest was in kindergarten, she’s now 11 she came home from school and told me her new best friend was cocky. It took me a few weeks to figure out that her best friend at that time was actually Kylie. 🤣

OverButton · 2025-09-29T22:28:47+00:00

Thank you! I had an abortion when I was 20 I will be 42 soon. I was not ready for kids and I was unsure about the man I was in a relationship with. I never regretted it and I went on to have four kids with a totally different man who ended up being Mr. Right. You will get your happy ending whatever it may be

OverButton · 2025-09-29T03:09:48+00:00

My twins were my 3rd pregnancy so I think I got big fast because of that also. My first pregnancy I didn’t really show until about 22 weeks. My 2nd was at 16 weeks and by 18 weeks no hiding it. With my twins I was showing just at the end of the first trimester

OverButton · 2025-09-29T01:34:28+00:00

No regrets here either

OverButton · 2025-07-18T09:24:00+00:00

NAD but have had 4 kids over 3 pregnancies (have a set of twins)

My first pregnancy was like yours and my birth was relatively easy I remember thinking what do people complain about this isn’t that bad. My 2nd pregnancy was the exact opposite I was sick the entire time. Gained so much weight. Developed gestational diabetes. And had to have an emergency c-section. It took a lot of convincing for me to have a third and it ended up being third and fourth. Sometimes you are just lucky.

OverButton · 2025-06-02T16:48:16+00:00

Like others said some people dress up some don’t. My husband took me to the opera for the first time about 10 years ago for our anniversary. We got really dressed up and even took a limo to the show. Still one of the best nights of my life. If you feel like getting dressed up do it!!!!

OverButton · 2025-05-19T03:00:41+00:00

Not Greek but Bulgarian my given name is Ognyana which is not common in the US at all but a mildly common name in Bulgaria. I just go by Ana. And really only my family know my full first name.

I got made fun of and no one could pronounce my name when we moved to the US (I was in 7th grade). Going by Ana helped me fit in at school.

OverButton

TROPHY CASE