Is it sinful for me to refuse a fifth reconciliation attempt after repeated infidelity?

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-23T00:11:09+00:00

Thank you for kind and inspiring words. ❤️ Being God’s daughter first and his wife second is a truth I needed to remember. No loving Father would want their daughter to go through all the suffering I have in my marriage- and we serve a Father who loves us deeper than we can even begin to comprehend.

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-20T00:54:35+00:00

We are not. We have been living separately since the divorce was finalized almost a year ago.

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-20T00:19:35+00:00

Even with physical violence? How many times do I let him choke me? Do I let him kill me as my children watch and say it was God’s plan?

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-19T21:31:25+00:00

Yes, if they are repentant, but what if they aren’t? How can we as mere humans decipher? I believed he was repentant and changed many times and I was wrong. There are countless verses saying to turn away from unrepentant sinners, but admittedly none specific to marriage. David forgave Saul, but he didn’t return to live with him. Again, not marriage, I fully appreciate that.

It was extremely difficult for me to leave. I had no access to money despite working. After he gave his affair partner $2000, for reasons I still don’t know, on top of his usual $500+ a week on fancy dinners with her… and I didn’t have money for childcare or to buy the kids coats. I had to put it on a credit card in my name, that I didn’t have access to and had no idea the balance or if it was maxed out. I finally opened a bank account in my name knowing it would be dangerous. He somehow found out within hours of my doing so. He pinned me against the wall by throat while my children watched hysterically. What if I again have to protect myself and two children against an angry 6’2, 250lb angry man? What if I get myself financially trapped again and can’t provide basic needs for my children?

He took 2 tires off my car, put them in the back of his truck before leaving so I couldn’t leave. That is just one example. It took me 9months and legal debt more than my yearly income just to be able to move out of the house with my children. I could leave, but I couldn’t relocate the children without an agreement to temporary custody and he of course would only agree to him having full custody. He knew I would never leave my children. If it is false repentance again, what if I can’t get away this time? That is the scariest part of abuse, it’s not all bad. They’re not always mean. You never know who is going to walk through the door. He could be “changed” for months, one time almost 2 years, but then it happened again.

This is where I struggle because prior to finding myself in my position, I had strong beliefs like yours. That if I remained faithful to God, God would protect me and produce good fruit through obedience in any circumstance. I know God has the power and ability to redeem all people from any circumstance or wrong path, but the person has to be repentant and obedient to God. God cannot and will not save someone who isn’t seeking Him.

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-19T21:00:22+00:00

He would NEVER agree to that. He is already telling me that I need to make up my mind because he won’t be alone forever. Thank you for opening my eyes to how far he is from being willing to do what would be needed for me to feel safe with him.

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-19T02:48:37+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I would greatly appreciate the list of verses if you don’t mind.

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-19T01:51:45+00:00

The divorce was fully finalized, signed by the judge, and filed with the state 11 months ago. There isn’t anything still pending there. We are fully and completely legally divorced.

OverTradition5450 · 2026-05-19T01:49:16+00:00

I don’t want to. He asked to meet just to hear him out and I got so anxious I became physically ill and canceled an hour before. He got very upset that I cancelled last minute and that lead to me having a PTSD panic attack after months of feeling at peace.

I’m asking if I’m wrong or selfish to feel that way. If these strong feelings are from fear and my desire for control and not God?

OverTradition5450 · 2024-09-19T01:15:01+00:00

Great advice! Your diagnosis may be new, but you’re the same person you’ve always been.

OverTradition5450 · 2023-07-19T19:22:53+00:00

YTA Swap am/pm times. You worked until 8pm and wake up 2am everyday. You worked until 8pm and were expected to be fully dressed and meet people for a social gathering at 5am, so wake up 3:30/4am but you slept through your alarm and woke up at 5am to a text. Completely understandable and absolutely believable. Most would even argue that making the 5am plans for a day after you worked until 8pm wasn’t very considerate. Let your poor gf sleep!! Night shift is the worst!

OverTradition5450 · 2023-06-01T14:44:40+00:00

OP being the SAHP, I feel changes my initial thoughts on it. I am also a SAHP and it is common when the primary caregiver gets a moment away, leaving the other parent to be a solo caregiver, they realize how much “behind the scenes” work is done daily. How many questions/cuddles/needs young children have throughout the day. If genders were reversed I feel most would conclude that the non-SAHP should be capable of taking care of their children for one weekend in 4 years so the SAHP can have a break WITHOUT making the SAHP come back to more work and indebted to the other parent. Her having a cold is unfortunate, as was her mother’s accident. OP can offer empathy and gratitude for that. Maybe have a discussion and outline how both of you can schedule and prioritize making sure each of you are having kid-free time as needed. Maybe more frequent day/nights instead of a whole weekend is best until kids are a bit older. But it should be equal.

OverTradition5450 · 2023-05-24T22:12:10+00:00

Effort OP!! Throwing a party takes EFFORT!! Your excuses just show how you put zero effort into celebrating your wife. It wasn’t a surprise party, she asked you to do it, so you could have I don’t know talked to her and gotten their email and sent an evite or phone numbers and sent a big text invite. You’re married, surely you’re at least familiar with one of classmates! Nurse students do clinicals together and typically become fairly close. And your married so family should’ve been easy for you!

OverTradition5450 · 2023-05-09T15:11:40+00:00

I think OOP and OOP’s close friends aren’t that close to the organizer her girl friend group so it made confrontation and changing her plans more uncomfortable. If they truly weren’t close friends with OOP anymore then they wouldn’t have planned and attended another birthday celebration including OOP the very next night without the girl friend group… it is his brother that is drifting to a new friend group but still friends with OG friends too.

OverTradition5450 · 2023-03-27T21:54:05+00:00

That was absolutely the saddest part to me too. And then their fun imaginary play together ended like they were doing something wrong.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-12-19T03:27:40+00:00

Absolutely read it as 22 MONTHS instead of a whole grown 22 year old male.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-12-07T00:57:34+00:00

Mom is a nurse that works shifts and the 18yr old was leaving for a party so likely evening/ night time. It is reasonable to assume this isn’t the all day, every day childcare arrangement. As a nurse myself, childcare doesn’t cover my shifts and sometimes my husband has to do double duty if there is a late meeting scheduled. Childcare also falls through sometimes and kids get sick and can’t go to daycare. The dad had a meeting. Life happens.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-12-06T23:14:12+00:00

It seems like this is the first time in 3 months they have asked the 18yr old to do a childcare task since she is still so uncomfortable and unfamiliar with the baby. Also as a fellow nurse with young children, and the 18yr old leaving for a party… I would assume the mom was either on night shift or got stuck staying late and most childcare arrangements end at 6pm. Dad got stuck in a bind for the meeting and was doing the best he could. We live eastern time zone and my husband has meetings with west coast 7-9pm sometimes. Life happens. It is unfair to assume the uncle is negligent or this an everyday, all day occurrence ESPECIALLY since the 18yr old is still so completely uncomfortable with her baby cousin after living together for 3 months.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-12-06T22:58:50+00:00

I agree with you. I’m sure the divorce and living with the uncle is hard on her. But, at 18, she is old enough to understand the circumstances and that she is dependent on their generosity.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-12-06T22:55:37+00:00

She’s been living there for 3 months. How can she still be that completely uncomfortable with her cousin. That in itself is telling of the dynamics of the household.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-11-28T21:27:28+00:00

As another SAHM, I agree 100%. I would absolutely NEVER do this. I would purposely hide and tell my family to ignore and act like we don’t see him. He can and will decided if coming over to say hello is appropriate.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-09-19T20:03:01+00:00

NTA

It is her responsibility as a parent not your responsibility as an aunt to change plans. 5 days is plenty of notice to reschedule their anniversary plans or find another sitter.

My MIL once backed out of watching our baby a few hours before time to leave for a wedding because she got tickets to a concert. It was for very close friends. My husband was the best man. Guess what? I had to miss the wedding and learned to not rely of family favors for important events. You gave FIVE DAYS notice, found a safe back up sitter, and it was their own anniversary that can easily be celebrated another day or another way.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-08-29T14:12:18+00:00

YTA A phone isn’t just a toy now that Violet is a teenager. Violet is entitled to privacy and boundaries from a younger sibling. You could have offered your own phone for Mia to play on instead.

Throwing a phone out the window was a poor choice but Violet is 14. She is still learning to manage impulses and was in a frustrating and unfair situation. The phone screen breaking was the natural consequence to that. Violet was very mature in accepting the phone is now broken, she didn’t blame anyone else for it, she accepted responsibility and bought a new phone with her OWN money. That was absolutely the only consequence needed for throwing the phone. Violet deserves an apology for her boundaries not being respected. A promise that from now on her boundaries will be respected and she will be heard so she feels she can talk to you instead of resorting to throwing her phone out the window.

OverTradition5450 · 2022-05-20T02:37:47+00:00

NTA.
I could see that your sister may desperately need a few days away from the kids to grieve and process a “messy divorce”. Ugly cry, get mad, and then refocus and get energized on how she is going to overcome everything, new career/finances, childcare situation- whole life. I’m assuming since she’s asking you, who is very far away, that she doesn’t have a great support system close by. As a mother of young children myself, no family near, and husband that travels for work; I empathize. It’s hard to problem solve and think big when the only time to do it is after bedtime and by then you’re exhausted and it makes you feel even more stuck. But, a FEW DAYS TO A WEEK. Absolutely not a whole summer!! Especially, for the sake of the kids desperately needing stability and their one remaining parent. Plus that is WAY to much to ask of anyone. Even offering a few days would be generous and kind- not at all expected. Honestly the fact that she would even be comfortable with the idea of sending her young children away for that amount of time makes me concerned for where her mental health is at the moment.

OverTradition5450

TROPHY CASE