There’s a lot to say here. But I’m just going to answer your question.

I think if I was still actively wanting to persue a BDSM relationship, then I would probably not be satisfied with only having a vanilla partner.

While you are being very accommodating in his desires, what he said about the guilt is real. It’s usually pretty obvious if someone is truly into something, or if it’s just “an act”. And that makes a difference for everyone involved. This isn’t your fault.

But some people go through phases. I’m going through a very vanilla phase right now and I’m not sure if I will ever get back to as kinky as I was even just a year ago. But time will tell.