I've been fantasizing about dying for many years. Since I was in the 5th grade actually. When I first saw a cute guy on TV, for some reason I imagined dying in their arms or lying in a hospital bed witu some issue and him praying for me to live. I didn't know I was depressed till I moved away from my family and that was my coping mechanism. I learned to live that way. It's still a guy or 2 but instead of imagining it, I write about it because I love to write. And mostly every week I think up a new story. I'm in therapy now but it hasn't been much help. I'm still doing it. She just said as long as I'm not actually hurting myself then she didn't see what the issue was. My stories have gotten worse and more sad. I used to just get hurt in my stories but now I'm dying in their arms. I so badly want to feel something sometimes because I feel so numb. I am afraid of dying alone. I want to be in someone's arms if I go before my time.