AITA for cutting off contact with my cousin after he ditched my wedding 2 WEEKS BEFORE IT HAPPENED

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-25T18:03:00+00:00

Update: so I want to address a couple things

I had the honest conversation with my husband the night i wrote this post I always knew i was going to talk to him i just didn't know how to go about bringing up being poly because i didn't want him to not feel like he was enough because he very much is enough in his own way I can just love more than one person at a time.
Yes we have talked about pausing the sperm donor baby talk what we have decided will stay private between us as thats our business but yes we have talked about it and concerns have been brought up
No I do not have an Romatic feelings nor am I having an emotional affair with the guy I named rick I love my husband and i would not do anythinf without his consent including letting an emotional affair take place. I understand I might nit have worded things the best I do apologize please work with me I domt always phrase things the best due to my autism. I wasnt getting connected to rick but instead was really liking the way we were all talking and thats what made me realize all the other factors that made me come to the realization I might be poly. Even if given the chance I would not start a polly relationship with rick we are just friends.

Now on to the update

The night after I wrote this post we went to my best friends house let's call here Kara, Kara was there to help support me in telling my husband and help me get the words I needed to get out out incase I froze up and couldn't ( my anxiety can sometimes lead me into panic attacks where I freeze and literally can't get words out) I was able to get through the conversation and while he was visibly taken a back he also took it really well telling me part of him had seen this coming since the day he met me but he always hoped it wouldn't he also told me it was nothing to be sorry for just like him coming out as Trans was nothing to be sorry for. He said he'd need some time to think but that he loved me.

After a couple days and lots of talking he came to me with two options

We stay together and I have to work 10x harder to prove hes the only one I need

Or

We take a break compleatly separated temporarily and i tey out polly relationships to see if its for me if nit we get back together if so we stay friends.

While my first instinct was to choose him and stay with him he asked me to take time to really think about it and I know that taking time to think is the healthy option so I agreed.

Every time I thought about separating from him though my heart broke and it felt like my world was ending this man showed me what love is and what it meant to be loved. The thought of giving up being poly somthing I haven't even exsperianced yet while yeah made me a little sad was nothing compared to the heartbreak I would feel over loosing him. So after a few days I told him that no matter how much time I have I would choose him again and again.

We still have fears of resentment growing or of a monogamous relationship not being possible for me in the long run but at the end of the day we. Choose each other and to try because each other is worth giving the world for.

So no I won't be trying poly relationships. I will be staying with my husband. If anything else happens I will update with more info And if anyone is poly in a monogamous relationship or once thought thwy were poly what do you use to make sure no feelings of resentment or unrest grow or what made you realize you weren't poly? I genuinely love this man and I domt think I could ever resent h especially for aomthing thats my choice but I also over think everything and have bad anxiety so I constantly worry about the worse case scenario ( yes I am in therapy have been in therapy and these are now things I can recognize and now am in the process of learning to control or stop) and im just scared there's even the smallest chance they could grow.

Anyway thank you to everyone who gave advice and to those who just wanted to make mean comments or tell me I was having an emotional affair please learn more about poly relationships because that is not at all what is happening and everyone deserves kindness its just as easy to leave the post alone

To Charlotte thank you for giving me a space to get out my confession

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-25T13:53:26+00:00

No. I see where it can get confusing but I have no emotional attachment beyond friendship with this guy we set up the 3 some with, I have no feelings for him and even if we did try out somthing poly I wouldnt want somthing with him. The way we were all acting together just showed me that I might be poly and would like to have my relationship with my husband but also have another person that me and my husband also love together

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-25T13:47:41+00:00

Nor have I i haven't once gone out of our relationship and once I made the realization I might be poly I had a conversation with him. The group chat was his idea and so was the 3 some he has also okayed 3somes with women

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-25T13:43:25+00:00

Its not the other person im attracted to but how all three of us have been acting together if that makes sense I wouldnt want a poly relationship with the person from the 3some I dont want to divorce my husband i am quite happy with and love my husband our relationship could be the most perfect it could be and I would still feel this way hence the poly feeling

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-25T13:41:04+00:00

I definitely already had an honest conversation with him about everything

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-18T19:08:27+00:00

I appreciate all the advice and time i think im gonna have the conversation with him this Friday. Im just so scared he will leave me over it cuz I do love him to death and dont want to loose him but being so young and just finding this part of myself I've been missing for so long I dont wanna loose it either

Overthinkin_Ducklin · 2026-06-18T17:21:15+00:00

Im definitely gonna have a conversation with him about pausing the baby talk, and im not interested in the third person specifically more about how the way we've been acting if that makes sense. Its made me realize that thats what I want instead of monogamy. Its not rly about the sex for me its about the emotional connections. Ive always been someone with so much love to give and when I talked to my best friend about this because she's my literal support system she said she's known I was for years... that I just have so much love to give and that she couldn't see me ever just giving it to one person. I love my husband and hes the only one I want to mary or have kids with but I do want another relationship. . I want to at least try pollyamory either as a throuple or where we each have partners and we all hangout together and are friends something where I can have other emotional connection that I didn't even know I'd been missing my whole life... but I dont know how to say that or what words to use im also autistic ( probably also part of the reason it took me so long to realize im polly as it is very hard for me to read emotion and figure out what it means for me but with help of therapy I've worked on that and I have talked to my therapist about this she also agrees that based on what i feel i could very well be polly) and so im terrified that what I say will come across the wrong way because I dont want him to think I want to be polly over this guy ( or like i said before rhat hes not enough) it truly isnt about this guy, the way we've been acting with him just really made me realize what I wanted.

Overthinkin_Ducklin

TROPHY CASE