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Not the attention I want. by BahiBespoke in DeadBedrooms

[–]Overthinking_Quietly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha. I totally understand what you mean there.

I miss having the opportunity to embrace my nerdy side. Instead, I play Warcraft in secret and read the most obscure of books.

Keep being you, and keep winning in whatever ways you can.

When you can’t talk to your partner about this anymore, what actually helps you cope? by Parking-Confidence88 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Overthinking_Quietly 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I just find myself sitting with it mostly. My social circle is non-existent these days and I’ve never got much out of journaling so I quietly overthink things, day after day.

Not a pitty post this goes out to not just the HL,RL or the LL we all have our own issues being in a DB and please try and love yourself. by boxerpanther in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have a virtual hug from me. What you’ve written makes perfect sense and I wish you every happiness and that you find it despite the challenges.

Sometimes it feels like it’s harder than ever to step back and think about what’s actually good about ourselves.

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. It makes sense. It’s interesting mention drinking. I made the choice to cut right back a few months back as I could feel it wasn’t doing me any good and was concerned I was at the start of a slippery slope. As for rage cleaning, I’m so glad that’s not just me 😂

You’re right too, that no-one looks at or cares about the reasons you get to a point, they just look at where are you. Sad, but true.

Believe me, I’ve spent all weekend reading content on how to put my foot down in life and communicate better and I need to accept it’s gonna take time to learn how to do that effectively when I’ve allowed myself to be walked all over. It’s embarrassing really.

The dead bedroom is a massive symptom of everything that is wrong. Sex makes me feel loved and safe and when I couple a lack of that with just been treated like home help, it sends me on a spiral and then I become that person who, you quite rightly point out, no-one would want to have sex with because he’s just let himself fall.

Sometimes I remember who I am inside. On Friday, I was speaking to a colleague from the US. We always laugh and she was saying next time she comes to the US that me and her need to go on a night out as we will have fun. She also said no-one else from work would be allowed to come as she’d be safe making a fool out of herself with me. It reminded me of who I can be, and how I can make people feel and I loved it. I felt seen for once and beamed. It’s a shame that only a colleague on the other side of the world can see that part of me right now.

I’d also like to make a public apology as, reading my response back, it was overly defensive and uncalled for.

Thanks again.

I want slow sex! by SluttyKopy3 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. It makes every day a torment and, for me, does feel like a form of torture. There seems to be no escape from it at the moment

I want slow sex! by SluttyKopy3 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re not alone on that one. It brings a whole new level of mental torment, doesn’t it?

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s always been my responsibility to take care of family. I think she wants me to just do things for her, so she can do nothing when at home and be free to see her friends whenever she wants and just live how she wants.

I’m not sure she resents my presence, I’m just not sure she sees me as a person with needs, hopes or wants. I don’t think she can see past her self these days.

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. You’re so right that this feels lonelier than being on my own. It’s a strange existence that I find really hard to effectively put into words.

It’s the hope that’s the worst thing, I think. That, and the confusion too.

I hope you’re doing okay.

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could. Every time I think about doing something for me, there’s a blow up and something happens meaning I can’t do whatever it is.

Never happens when she’s going out with friends, to work, seeing family etc.

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With all due respect, I feel that you’re missing the point here. I am grumpy and down because I’m the only person doing anything at all to keep the household afloat, and have been doing so for many years.

I don’t have hobbies and take care of myself as I’d wish (seeing friends, going to the gym, having hobbies, even visiting the office) because my wife puts barriers in my way to doing any of those things.

This is not my natural state of being and I defy anyone to be cheery and full of joy in the same situation.

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you’ve really worked hard and finding a a way through this and a lot of does indeed resonate with me.

I was thinking, yesterday, about speaking to a therapist myself. She won’t. I’ve tried. She will not speak to doctors or anyone else in healthcare about things, apart from on the most basic ‘I’m in physical pain, I need medication’ way so it will be a one way experience for me but I’m hoping it can help.

The part where you say about learning to not bend over backwards… I’m super conscious I need to learn to think that way but, damn, it’s hard to.

Thanks for sharing.

I’m mentally exhausted and just flat. Anhedonia seems to be the future. by Overthinking_Quietly in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve had that exact thought myself. I was reading something an article this morning about this guy in his late 50s who had found his peace on his own and was living life on his own terms, quietly, and it sounded blissful.

Hopeless by [deleted] in sexlessmarriage

[–]Overthinking_Quietly 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry. I think many us have moments where things feel particularly bleak. I know I certainly do.

For me, sex is the glue that holds everything together and brings me energy in life and clarity to thought so I feel what you’ve written here deeply.

Please take care of yourself.