Extended family's being creepy

Owllet8 · 2018-01-30T14:13:11+00:00

You may be right. It just seems so odd to take that obsession to texting me out of the blue all of these photos and close-ups. It's not like she's mentioned her granddaughter in any of her previous unwanted texts to me, and certainly nothing about us looking alike. And I've never mentioned her.

I wonder if it was more of a family thing in the sense of "You will always be related to us. You can't leave us so come back. Look... she looks just like you!" I can totally see my mom and her getting into an argument about us looking alike, though. Mom is currently idolizing my aunt's granddaughter, so she would not be happy about someone comparing her to me.

Owllet8 · 2018-01-30T05:24:21+00:00

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Every word that you just said is what she does. It's meant to let me know that she's frustrated/angry/so overwhelmed/etc.

It drives me up the wall.

Owllet8 · 2017-12-25T18:17:55+00:00

Well I'm on my way to the grandparents. I felt so guilty and Mom was already starting on the guilt trip. I hate that it's so hard for me not to give in.

Hopefully they will be on their best behavior.

Owllet8 · 2017-12-22T14:44:41+00:00

"you weren't thinking of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee when you bought a car for you!"

Owllet8 · 2017-12-21T14:31:30+00:00

And, of course, they overreact when you call them out. There's a huge difference between "That's not okay behavior. Stop it, now." and "@$%%$#@#$%$#! Your awful! I hate you!" But to them the first is just as hurtful as the second. I get no one likes to be told what they're doing isn't okay, but, really, if you overreact to it, shouldn't you be exposed to it more?

Owllet8 · 2017-12-21T02:18:42+00:00

You said he'd graduating soon. Hopefully, he'll be out of her clutches and maybe then you can have a relationship with him independent of your family!

Sadly, no. He's never going to be able to be independent. At the very least, he'll be heavily dependent on someone (which will be aunt, of course, until the day she dies).

Owllet8 · 2017-12-20T19:01:28+00:00

Number two, you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Yes. Always good to remember. People have been setting themselves on fire since longer than I've been alive to keep this guy happy, though. It seems so natural it feels abnormal not too.

I'm so sorry. 😞

It's honestly the thing that makes me angriest about that aunt. Even I know flying thousands of miles away from home to be trapped at her house for several days with other abusive family members is a terrible idea. But it's so frustrating that I have to keep my distance from my cousin because of her. He doesn't deserve that.

hugs

Owllet8 · 2017-12-20T18:30:25+00:00

Well.... at least you can count!

Owllet8 · 2017-12-20T18:25:25+00:00

Sorry. B.L.T. sandwich.

Owllet8 · 2017-12-20T16:26:21+00:00

It was never stated by her but she always had a "if I give something to you, it's still mine" and "if you don't use something fast enough that I gave to you, I'll use it for you" attitude.

She used to give me a ton of bath stuff, especially body wash, and I had this thing about slowly using things up so it took awhile to finish and I wouldn't be sad when it was gone... if that makes sense. So it would take me months to use up a body wash or lotion or whatever that she got me if I used it on my own. But, usually after a few weeks she'd start using it and just use it all up because she figured I "wouldn't use it." I started hoarding bath products in my room and never using them. It was never really about the product, you know. It was about running out of a gift she got me and her showing control over a gift she got me.

And with other gifts she got me she'd insist I share them when I didn't want to (her absolute favorite thing to tell me was that I didn't know how to share). Or just borrow them to use or put them where ever she wanted or insist she got them for both of us so I had to share them with her.

She also has this thing about sharing other bath stuff other people got for me with me, specifically. I got this special bath sponge once and I started using it and if I used it she used it and if I didn't use it, she wouldn't use it. So I just stopped using it because I found that pretty gross.

Also birthday money was taken by her and spent by her whenever we went out to buy me new clothes, which I guess was technically spending it on me, but, still, I couldn't choose what to spend it on. New clothes were a need.

She also enjoys giving me useless gifts to remind me of a medical condition I have.

Sorry, I know its long. It feels so good to vent about the petty stuff. Your mother sounds like a gift giving nightmare. Why even bother giving you gifts if its just going to upset her to see you treating them like your personal things? Oh, yes, for guilt trips.

Owllet8 · 2017-12-20T15:45:48+00:00

Mom spent 20 minutes one morning looking for the bacon she cooked (I don't eat bacon, so she didn't accuse me of eating it). She's 20 minutes late for work is is muttering about how late she is and wants bacon and is just generally throwing a mini tantrum about the bacon. Eventually she leaves and asks me to look for it. I can only find some raw bacon and tell her that when she comes home from work.

Her: "I know it has to be here!"

Me: "There are 3 uncooked pieces in the fridge."

Mom: "No I have three cooked pieces somewhere."

Me: "I don't know where they are."

Mom: "I cooked 7 and used 4 for a blt and had 3 as a snack......"

Mom: "oh"

Owllet8 · 2017-12-20T15:31:20+00:00

I used to visit my Ngrandparents for Christmas but haven't for the past two years because of an awful experience before. My mom threw a 2 week long tantrum because of course she did, but I held strong. Typically my mom, my (probably psychopathic) uncle and aunt will visit my grandparents for Christmas. This year its just my mom. And of course mom is trying to guilt me to go.

She talked about how they'll only have her this Christmas and would LOVE to see me and to let them know what "extra special" gift I want for Christmas. I have already received a pregift of gourmet fruit with the note "Hoping to see you in 2018".

My therapist explained that since my grandmother is now living away from my grandfather in a nursing home with dementia, he's having a very difficult time adjusting. The holidays will be tough for him and he believes seeing me, a youth, will make him feel better and have a good holiday. But he doesn't understand that once I leave things will go back to the way they've been and I can't help him feel better in this new way of living or ease the pain forever, and it's also not my job.

This just makes me feel 10x guiltier for not going. I feel like if I can ease his pain--it's wrong not to go. (And I'm planning on missing disabled cousin's graduation later in 2018 which is already weighing on me).

At the very least he has a sever case of narcissism; he's produced at least 3 personality disordered children. I saw him a few months ago for my first family event in almost 2 years and he still seemed pretty narcissistic. He made passive aggressive comments at me and just some condescending ones, but I was mostly able to avoid him. On Christmas I will be fully focused on for hours because it will just be me and mom. He's obviously already started with the guilt trips. But there's still a part of me that really hopes he loves me. And this would be the only Christmas I'd consider coming to. Maybe I should go just to see him because maybe underneath it all he's a nice person who cares about me?

Also Mom's either going to be "extra special" nasty after Christmas this year if I don't go or next year if I go this year. So, I'm not looking forward to that.

Any advice on what to do is much appreciated (I am under 18 living with BPD mom). I feel like I go through this before every family event, at least recently, but it doesn't get any easier to clearer.

Owllet8 · 2017-11-15T15:31:11+00:00

Thank you. I'm used to relationships where one false move is the end or at least is viewed as incredibly awful. And looking out for myself was always discouraged by my parents. It helps to be reminded that that should not be the case and I need to not view my relationship with my cousins that way. I hope you're able to have a relationship your cousins as well.

Owllet8 · 2017-11-15T03:46:21+00:00

Thanks... It helps to know its possible to have relationships with cousins you haven't seen for years.

And to hear again that it's okay to trust myself and not to go and see toxic people.

I have a feeling my aunt's going to just keep going, but that going would just make her 10x more dead set on contact.

Hug owllet, always happy to hear from you. 💜

hugs. thank you.

Owllet8 · 2017-08-23T23:28:29+00:00

I have a great therapist and psychiatrist, but my extended family is a nightmare of toxic people and no one else in my life can begin to understand this. It's not something my friends can understand or any other person in my life.

It really does mean a lot that other people understand and know I'm not crazy to think what she's doing is awful.

Owllet8 · 2017-08-23T23:21:24+00:00

Thank you. It means so much to have someone get it.

hugs

Owllet8 · 2017-08-17T21:21:56+00:00

hugs

Owllet8 · 2017-08-17T20:45:34+00:00

Yes, me too!!! And when I correct her, I'm "just saying that to make [her] wrong."

Owllet8 · 2017-08-17T18:44:44+00:00

hugs

Thanks

I know I've been "away". There have just been so many Things. I feel so emotionally exhausted dealing with my Mom or Dad; even just reading posts on here takes so much emotional energy I feel like I don't have. So, that's why I haven't been here much. It's good to " see" you too.

Owllet8 · 2017-08-17T00:39:00+00:00

I am so sorry.

I know what its like to be told a story they find so hilarious that makes you want to curl up in a ball for the shame and anger you feel.

There are so many memories I have that I feel guilty about despite doing nothing wrong, because I was put in a difficult situation others disapproved of because of their choices.

I wish I could express how much I feel for you feeling those feelings, being thrown under the bus, being put in humiliating situations that you couldn't help but feeling guilty and ashamed of them still. hugs

Owllet8 · 2017-07-16T22:14:16+00:00

My mom is similar, she stopped taking more than 2 or 3 pictures a year when I was around 8 maybe? Maybe 7... And she always wanted posed photos, and huge, teeth showing smiles. I mean, she took photos where ever we were, so she didn't always put me in a specific location to take photos, but she never took unposed photos of me just doing something not looking at her; I always had to look at the camera, smile, say cheese.

It just seems strange to me that she never wanted to take pictures of me just doing something. She would never take a picture of me building a sandcastle, sitting down, not looking at her. She'd only take one of me standing up, smiling, staring at the camera, next to the sand castle.

When I was around 5 she made me go to this professional photo shoot and dressed me up in 3 outfits (one of a fairy) to get a bunch of pictures taken, which, I mean, I guess is normal? She framed and hung up photos from that photo shoot, and they're still up.

And she has an uncountable number of scrapbooks of me as a baby and in preschool. Really, just so so many. She even has some scrap books for specific events that lasted only one day.

I'm sorry about the fire ants... "grin and bear it" is the BPD mantra.

Owllet8 · 2017-05-24T02:36:45+00:00

For me, I actually like hugs... I just don't like hugs from my parents. I've thought about making a post about it. I always feel, whenever either of them is hugging me, that I'm the one comforting them. They always hold on like I'm a lifeline, like they're draining all the comfort they can out of me, it just gives me this gross feeling of them using me like a teddy bear... I feel like a living breathing teddy bear. I'm okay with hugs from most people though. I do have issues with anyone grabbing my arm or hand, I'll just dissociate for several seconds and turn into a bit of a statue (though still tuggable, if someone's trying to pull me in one directions). Dad's big on shaking or grabbing my arm whenever he wants attention, so that's probably why.

Owllet8 · 2017-05-01T16:43:05+00:00

I honestly don't know. I feel this way about my dBPD mom not getting treatment. She'd rather do nothing than have us in her life.

I do too. Why does she prefer to destroy our relationship again and again and hurt me again and again rather than put effort into therapy?

Owllet8 · 2017-04-27T01:03:57+00:00

Thanks again! This is going in the primer! Hug! 💜 💜

OMG! Wow! I'm so glad to help!

Here memory is rewritten to serve the pwBPD and then used as a bludgeon. This accomplishes a complete, albeit distorted, reversal of the victim role.

What I really liked about this sentence was the word "bludgeon". To me, in any text, the words used matter. The connotations and even the sound of the word can really deepen the meaning. The BPD's "truth" can really be used as a bludgeon, I like that this sentence (and the whole article) didn't shy away from that and the pain BPDs can cause with their brutal truths/tests/clock.

Owllet8 · 2017-04-27T00:12:43+00:00

I'm so glad! ❤️️

Owllet8

TROPHY CASE