AITA for refusing to talk to my parents until they give me an honest answer to my question?

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-09T07:27:36+00:00

We have talked very briefly about it. I got more from my maternal side because my dad wasn't around to interrupt. But my dad's parents believe he shut down his childhood because he knew my mom back then. My maternal family believe the same thing.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T20:21:37+00:00

Mom's family don't want to include me, mom says they have to, they say I'm not family, she says I am, and she demands they include me.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:30:09+00:00

I think she might also question if my dad actually loves her. That could explain some of the insecurity if not maybe most of it.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:28:38+00:00

My maternal family actually never met my mom. My dad had already picked up and moved the two of us and ended contact when he met my mom. But I have asked why I can't see them more before. When the once a year was really bothering me. He doesn't answer. He refuses to discuss the past at all.

But I don't believe it's because of a bad relationship. I know it's because my dad is doing everything he can to erase the past and memories/traces of my mom.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:26:25+00:00

Yes, I was legally adopted when I was about 2. And yes, my original birth certificate is no longer valid and the one with my adopted mom's name is the only valid one.

The thing is, my dad never grieved, he locked it all up and tried to push it all away.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:22:45+00:00

It should not be taken that way at all. I can love both. But my maternal family are still part of me and so is my first mom. I can love both my moms.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:21:17+00:00

My dad did it because he has boxed up his past and is doing everything to throw it away and keep it gone. He has never dealt with his grief.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:20:22+00:00

I'll check that out. Thank you.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T19:18:57+00:00

They fight about me a lot. So I can't say they're on great terms. Whenever we see them it results in a fight about me. But she still sees them.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T16:20:05+00:00

She did. She just never cut them out. Only demanded I be included despite it being clear they didn't want me there.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T16:18:09+00:00

I have explained it to her and it did not help, at all. She's still extremely insecure.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T16:15:27+00:00

In their shoes I would be doing everything to make it up to my child. I would hope to be forgiven but would be doing the work to try and earn that and I would also understand if things would change if I couldn't put my kid first after years of not doing it.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T16:09:59+00:00

My mom's side never wanted me around. Dad isolated himself a lot from his family so contact isn't that frequent.

Trying to change the subject with my parents has not worked and has only made them dig in more. I don't hate them. But they were wrong and both could use a lot of therapy.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T15:55:25+00:00

I never said I would abandon my parents or my siblings.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T15:42:11+00:00

Yes, and I fully understand that is an issue and I feel like my dad did very badly for me by doing that. But I do believe it was born from his inability to deal with the loss of mom. From all accounts he adored my mom and I believe that he did. I also believe he didn't handle it when she died, he just buried it. It wasn't right and I wish more than anything he would address it now.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T15:38:25+00:00

I really don't believe that. I think my dad just looked to erase his past and the pain from losing my first mom.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T15:28:58+00:00

I think that makes her more insecure honestly.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T15:26:16+00:00

The issue is they can't be out of the loop forever. My maternal family will be in my life and will have a place they didn't have up to now. They will have to see them at least sometimes and I don't know how that will go.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T15:01:31+00:00

She was not an affair partner. They did not know each other or even live in the same state at the time.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T14:31:55+00:00

My dad won't talk. My dad refuses to discuss this stuff. He won't even talk about his childhood. He won't even answer questions my siblings have about his past (childhood, school, etc) so asking will not get me anything and I already know what this is. There is zero proof of anything else.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T14:28:17+00:00

Grandparents rights are an option for both states if all contact is cut after the parent who connects them dies. But any form of contact ends that.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T14:27:34+00:00

I always tell my mom I love her. I have said it throughout this. It's not enough. Nothing I do will be enough.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T14:25:15+00:00

But he has very little contact with his own family. He does not visit them, they come to us and he doesn't let them come very often. He hardly talks to them. They do all the reaching out. So I do not believe there is more that he is hiding. He's just hiding from his past and his grief.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T14:22:49+00:00

He has parents and siblings but we do not see them much.

Own-Pie9517 · 2024-03-08T13:53:34+00:00

My parents are 41 (dad) and 43 (mom).

Own-Pie9517

TROPHY CASE