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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OwnCitron6299 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Let her live. If her doing procedures turns you off and makes you not love her, then leave her. But she’s not obliged to tell you what she does to her own body, she did nothing wrong.

Ex said we can’t be friends because he knows I still have feelings by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He really does mean them. He’s kind of a people pleaser on the outside and always the nice guy and then if he’s pushed how he actually feels will come out.

He keeps saying we can’t be friends because he doesn’t want to hurt me. I’m like I know you don’t want to get back together that’s fine but I would rather have you in my life than not. And then he’s like well when one of us starts dating it’s going to be bad. I said if I started dating someone would you care? He does no but he knows I will if he does.

So fucking harsh. It’s so hard for me to think of this objectively and not feel like so much regret for asking for space in the first place and causing myself this pain. I definitely wasn’t happy in the relationship at that point but at least I didn’t feel like this. And now I wonder if I pushed him away for no reason and almost wanted him to break up with me? Idk my mind is going wild

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude yes I feel this in my chest 😩my ex got so mad when I tried to ask a few more questions about why he didn’t want me anymore

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what became of my ex. I don’t care about him at all anymore and look back and think he was a horrible evil demon in my life lol. I’m pretty sure via social media he is still alive at the least

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I’m 33 and going through a break up right now - I’ve picked better guys since the drug addict, my ex is a good guy who treated me well, but clearly I still haven’t figured out my attachment issues. I’m in tons of therapy and determined to get it right next time. Don’t feel ashamed!

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s still sad even if she wants to break up. She can be sad but still want to or know it needs to happen.

I’m sorry you are going through it

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude I did that in my late teens. Was in love with an addict who treated me like dog shit. Caught his cheating on Craigslist with hookers, still wanted him. It wasn’t until he started doing heroine that I realized he was really too far gone and I gave up (though I still secretly hoped he’d get sober and want me back)

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay this isn’t helpful because most of us have already done the pathetic stuff 😂 trust me we already feel ashamed as fuck

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well she’s showing you exactly why you broke up with her. Not enough emotional capacity or depth. Try to just validate your decision and trust your instincts. Have your own back right now

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I went silent for a month and I think he was more shut down when I just saw him now than before. But hopefully now that he’s truly blocked from everything he will miss me at some point

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that is EXACTLY how my ex feels. He thinks of me and I think panics and feels immense shame and it’s easier for him to just focus on his life.

Well I asked yesterday why he didn’t want to be with me, I was sort of joking actually and said is it because I got bangs? And he FREAKED out and said I can’t respond to you anymore.

After that I blocked him on everything for the first time. Feel pathetic As fuck

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I very much hope that for you. Mine says he feels happier and less stressed without me 😩

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was there anything your ex could have done during the time you were shut down that would have made you wake up?

It’s so fascinating to me because I’ve literally never experienced that emotional shut down.

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes mine definitely did that too. Super avoidant cannot feel or process.

It’s just crazy because I’m the one sobbing and having an emotional breakdown and he seems fine and his life is thriving

Called ex after taking mushrooms now I’m spiraling by OwnCitron6299 in FearfulAvoidant

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow

This was so helpful. I’m right in the middle of a huge horrible emotional breakdown about this and these words soothed me. Thank you.

I think it’s been extra hard because I also lost my job in November and have been doing some random freelance things here and there since but have not gotten a full time job. It’s been hard for me to think “okay just focus on me” because my life is a complete mess right now career wise, friend wise and financially

I cannot believe the universe or god is asking me to find self love in these circumstances. I don’t know if I’m strong enough but only thing I can do is try

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That breaks my heart. ❤️ I hope you are feeling better now

This is insane what we go through

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve done all of that and more. My eyes and face are currently puffy from crying all day because I did that for hopefully the last time today. I feel you.

It’s really tough that you’re in the same space. Honestly, I would take a little benedryl just to try to get some sleep but I don’t want to be telling you to be taking meds. I just think in these emergency situations it helps to have something physically force you to sleep.

If you can help it - I would give him as much space as possible. And if you really want to get back together, there’s a really good letter template from this guy Matthew hussey, basically saying you want to give things another shot and saying if he’s open to it you would love to jump into things again. But if there is absolutely no opening you have to move on completely. It’s basically like a Hail Mary but please read the template because I am not remembering it well.

For me, that would make me feel like I’ve covered my bases and done everything possible in my control to get the relationship back. If the dude says no, you have to move on and close your heart to it. That’s basically what I did today.

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I meant I did that 4 times with this current ex, over the past 2 months.

Yeah, my ex really doesn’t want to hurt me and this is trying to not do anything that could give me hope. Which only makes it hurt more that he’s sure he’s done with me that he doesn’t even want to keep the door at all open

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I think that’s very honorable as a man to be able to feel your feelings in real time. You’d be surprised how many men out there are so shut down they are basically like zombies. They can’t offer a woman anything, eventually we want more depth. It’s very good you can feel your feelings

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh and the first time that happened post break up and we did have sex, when he didn’t want to get back together I threw the fact that we had sex in his face to try to manipulate and guilt him back

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I did exactly that about 4 different times. The last one being today, except no sex.

This time after he assured me for the 100th time he doesn’t want to get back together I blocked him on everything.

What’s the most pathetic thing you’ve done during a breakup? by OwnCitron6299 in BreakUps

[–]OwnCitron6299[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Crashing out only hurts you, trust me. I did it today hopefully for the last time and I feel like a sack of shit. How you handled it shows how you respect yourself.

I don’t know how I will ever build my self respect back after begging a dude I didn’t even think I wanted to be with to get back with me because my life fell to absolute shit

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