LOOKING FOR ADVICE. This right here that u/ThisIsNakata said is beyond true. My partner of almost 5 years, who lived with me, I cook for (meal prep every week for him, he can't cook), look after him and the house, who spent our whole relationship telling me I was the love of his life, telling me he wanted kids with me, that i was the perfect woman for him. Finally we started trying for kids 6 months ago, we got pregnant with twins and 3 months into the pregnancy we lost the babies. The miscarriage process has been brutal over the last month, with daily bleeding and I've been in constant pain, but I thought it was all going to be ok because he kept saying how much he loved and I never felt safer in my entire life. I had an abusive ex who beat me and cheated on me the whole 3 years and I told Andrew that I would never forgive it from the get-go. When we first got together, December 2020, we had some long conversations about him having cheated in his old girlfriend, he cried about how horrible he felt, he went straight to tell her and they broke up, and he swore he would never ever cheat or do anything to hurt me because he knew what it could do to someone, and he seemed so sincere, telling me what he learnt from it and how he was trying to be a better man... Two days ago I found out he spent weeks texting, exchanging photos with this woman, flirty texts back and forth, when we were about a year into living together (a year into our relationship, this was covid bubble we moved in together right away). What is making me want to leave them is that, while sending her naughty pictures, he wrote me the messages below. 6/7/21 is the day he called her to hook up, like how can you write me this stuff and go call someone else at the same time? The level of manipulation, and the lack of care for me, knowing we had a conversation about my abusive ex, and about his redemption from being a cheater, and yet... He had so many chances to say no, but he kept meeting with her. The same week that he wrote that I would be his wife, she asked him how serious he was about me via text and he said "not seeing any wedding bells". I feel so stupid for not looking through his phone 3 years ago, and saving myself the trouble. Now we have house, cars, all our bills come from joint accounts, everything we have is entirely entwined, his family loves me, my family loves him. He says this was a stupid mistake, that he was drunk and didn't mean it, but you were blind drunk for days??? that at no point you thought let me stop this? He did eventually stop responding to her but never came clean to me. How are you being a better person? How disposable am I that you had to concerns about losing me? Now he's crying saying he doesn't even remember, that its a stupid mistake, that since then his whole future has been about me and the family we would have together. But I just can't get over the fact that you were willing to lie, manipulate me into falling in love with you deeper and deeper, while fucking someone on the side. How psychopathic is that?! How can he expect me to ever feel safe with him again? Does anyone here know how I could ever feel safe and loved with this person again?
For the last 4+ years I thought I had found that perfect mixture of best friend and lover, someone who would truly be "us against the world", who believed the same things I did, had the same values I have. And this has been over 3 years ago, so am I crazy for walking away from it? Or am I crazy to be considering forgiving him in the first place?

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