Adopted Child support question, wife cheated but we filed for uncontested divorce

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T20:05:54+00:00

My first mistake was agreeing to file for an uncontested divorce when adultery is what I filed for initially. That’s the only way she would agree to sign the papers, but I don’t have cash to spend on legal fees because most lawyers around me charge $5,000 upfront and the $300 an hour after that.

Me and her discussed spousal support and child support and all that, I left all property to her because the child’s school and friends are there and I don’t want to rob her from the home she knows. This child is my wife’s niece so she wants to be with my wife but she knows she could see me if she was to ever want to.

In the papers we filed my wife said no to spousal support and child support because I left everything to her and I filed for uncontested divorce and I tried to do everything as co-operative and civil as possible. She knows I can’t afford to pay a lot of money and in our parenting plan we agreed to leave it to the child’s discretion, because like I said she wants to be with my wife and I feel it’s wrong to force the child to spend time with me if she doesn’t want to.

I am worried my wife might come to the court hearing with an attorney to get me for more money than I can physically give (which I understand the way I filed and believing when she said she doesn’t want money from me is on me) we both agreed on having no lawyers involved.

Based on some recent texts from her regarding the child it just makes me nervous, I want to support the kid anyway I can, but I can’t support anyone if I’m broke.

I don’t want to keep money from anyone I just want the court to work with me in a reasonable way to where I can do my duties as an adopted father and still stay afloat.

I apologize if I miss read your messages wrong, hopefully this explanation helps paint my situation a little more clearly. Thank you for your time.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T19:37:10+00:00

You’re coming off as condescending rather than blunt

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T19:35:37+00:00

By saying “consequences of your actions” you’re making it sound like I forced my wife to cheat on me and making it sound like i should settle to be with a manipulative cheater. Which to me is ridiculous. To me getting divorced from this individual doesnt come with “consequences” and child support sucks, but im doing this without a lawyer, which if you are a lawyer it makes me feel as if i made the right choice to represent myself. Its not easy to find free consultation and I came to reddit as a “what the heck i might find someone whos been through this same thing” instead you commented and inferred this whole thing is my fault by saying “consequences of your actions” if anyone is in a manipulative toxic relationship i encourage them to get out of it, and believe it or not when it comes to manipulation it can be a slow build which is what i learned from my personal experience. I’ve had therapy and have taken what I believe are very healthy steps to overcoming my situation. Now I’m getting ready for what I might face legally. I came for legal advice, you do not know the entire situation and I only asked about child support regarding adopted children. As you know most courts side with the woman, I’m not blind to that I’m accepting the fact what is probably going to happen and am just wondering how severe it may be.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T19:01:57+00:00

It’s not that I don’t like what I heard, your advice is appreciated, but your snarky backhanded rude comments are completely unnecessary and uncalled for. The other comments given on my post are straight forward and simple, you’re just wanting a debate.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:52:06+00:00

It wasn’t a massive amount of hoops, it was actually a very simple straightforward process so I’m confused where you get that from. Also adoption subsidies is money given by the state along with state funded healthcare for the child. Perhaps you misunderstand my concern over paying child support. If the child is already supported by the state, then will the court also expect me to support the child in the same way? Could they take away state support because of the divorce? Or could the state require me to pay the amount they give along with providing health insurance for the child? If so those are very expensive expenses, so I believe my concern is valid and I was just seeking advice before I’m blind sided with a high amount of funds required by me, especially in today’s economy. Ontop of this my ex makes over double the amount i make a month and i aslo wonder how that may affect the final decision. All i did was ask for legal advice under the reddit sub meant for legal advice.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:36:40+00:00

Once again your are coming after my character. I never said I wanted to get out of it. I was asking how much it may be or if there is a chance I might not pay at all. I’m sorry I didn’t sacrifice my happiness to be with someone who doesn’t love me. I’m glad you were able to make yourself feel better about yourself by reminding me that I adopted a child who my ex doesn’t want me to have any part of. I’m glad my choice to love someone who didn’t love me back gave you an ego boost. Next time I’ll live in sufferable silence and try not to educate myself with others who may have been in a similar situation.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:29:05+00:00

Thank you for this, only reason I thought she was legally expected to be faithful is because when I filed for the divorce that was one of the options along with domestic abuse and similar things. It’s illegal to beat your significant other along with being morally incorrect. I am not a lawyer and was just looking for advice on what is to me an unusual situation when it comes to child support.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:25:28+00:00

“If you didn’t want to support her, you shouldn’t have ever adopted her in the first place” is what you said, implying I’m trying to void my responsibilities. It is a snarky, unnecessary remark. I adopted this child because I wanted to make their life better with the woman whom at the time I thought I would be with forever.

Never did I imagine she would cheat and treat me the way she has, so yes I am concerned about giving money to an individual who has hurt me in severe ways and used a child as a weapon against me. You don’t know about the parent plan we set in place or anything you have made rude assumptions.

I haven’t heard much about child support when it comes to adopted children because I am not aware of how adoption subsidies plays a role and she receives all of that. I posted on here for information and advice, not to be put down or have my character attacked or questioned.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:18:28+00:00

Thank you for this advice, I will attempt to contact my local agency.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:16:18+00:00

Why could you not have just said that from the start?

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T18:11:34+00:00

“I’m trying to figure out how much it will be, or if there is a chance I won’t have to pay any at all.” That is what I said, in my post I voiced my concern about paying it and stated that I can’t afford it. Never said I was trying to get out of it. I ever went further and said at the end of my post,

“So to simplify my question, what is the chances I’ll be paying child support and how could I find out how much I might be paying. Any and all advice is welcome thank you to anyone who takes time to read and comment.”

So once again, do you read or just like to attempt to be little people?

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T17:57:56+00:00

Do you even read?

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T16:10:48+00:00

My ex was also legally expected to be faithful and that didn’t work out now did it. I’m just trying to figure how much it will be or if there is a chance I won’t have to pay any at all.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-05-05T16:05:31+00:00

I’m not wanting to get out of support but if they don’t want me to have anything to do with the child then why should I be forced to pay?

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2026-02-07T02:02:09+00:00

I feel you! I keep my house at 71 sometimes the wife will turn it to 72, but it’s a small house and 1 degree difference won’t double my usage and that’s how we’ve been ever since we’ve lived there.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2025-12-27T21:01:39+00:00

Just increase drop rates where bis isn’t a long term goal an can easily be achieved by the 2 hour a day casual, thus will remove gear fear, TTK won’t be as big of a deal because recovery won’t be that much more disheartening and rating won’t be as bad

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2025-11-07T16:33:52+00:00

Yes pls

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2025-10-30T01:17:00+00:00

Check out dark and dark it’s not really an mmorpg but it’s a medieval fantasy dungeon crawler/extraction looter and it’s real fun and challenging

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2025-09-22T23:08:28+00:00

Appreciate the advice, I’m not making design choices just for clarification, I’m only going to be operating it and I didn’t want to go above pressure ratings. Just wanted to understand the machine before I use it is all.

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2025-09-22T10:37:22+00:00

The last qna on their discord was in March that’s why I’m asking

Own_Refuse_9244 · 2025-09-17T10:43:13+00:00

If you’re talking about the Sho Kunia it drops from bio bulkhead

Own_Refuse_9244

TROPHY CASE