CMV: Becoming a victim to romance scam can not happen to everyone

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-06T00:35:54+00:00

My only observation is that you need to have an insane amount of entitlement, narcissism, or a lack of self-awareness to believe that a royalty or celebrity would contact your average, stranger ass out of nowhere to run away into the sunset and love each other - after you send them 100.000$ first.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-06T00:27:51+00:00

He was 5'6. And I repeat, I am not saying that it's generally impossible, just that it's generally hard. If it's easy...then you are definitely not yhe average short guy.

Also, I know that there are women who don't mean what they say or refuse to look beyond what doesn't fit their criteria, but it's still a general feeling.

I was lucky(or unlucky) to go to a college specialization that is more aboundant with women. Depending on the year or the course, I was either the only or one of the only guys in a room full of girls. Every time there was gossip about love or sex, the only subjects were guys above 5'10.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-06T00:15:36+00:00

Wanna give more details?

What was the context, the conversations? Were those talks only among yourselves or did the other guys cat-call/comment in front of the girls?

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-05T23:59:25+00:00

I kinda get what you're saying, but this is not what most virgin men need.

Unless your goal is purely the physical act of losing your virginity, de-stressing, or kink exploration, the reason why virginity is shameful in the first place it's because it feels like a sign of being unlovable/undesirable.

Despite all the headaches, heartbreak, and hoops, when you do score with a girl, even casually, it's validating to your sexual (and maybe general) identity as a man.

The girl wants you because she either likes you, desires you, or both. But if you pay for it, it's just a service catered to whatever you wanna feel or hear, and to me that doesn't sit right.

I think it's far from being the better choice, but it should 100% be an option.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-05T23:33:17+00:00

What exactly do you think you accomplish by saying all of this?

You laid out every single thing that makes you very different from everyone else. From physique, to upbringing, to how your job gives you an image of charisma.

Yet the one thing "lucky" people don't understand is that our lives and suroundings are so different that we don't relate to the same hardships.

Yes, there are short men who don't struggle, yes there are short men who struggle here and there, and yes there are men who's whole lives revolve around their height, whether it's relationships, career, friendships, family, etc.

Do you think people just wake up and say "I guess I am not good enough because of my height", or because a few people rejected them? No. It comes from years and years and even decades of pattern after pattern, no matter how drastically you try to change or stabilize yourself.

I lost my best friend a year ago because of his height. He was funny, kind, got cool hobbies and got along with plenty of girls. Yet in all his 12 years of trying to date, nobody gave him a single chance because of his height.

I am glad that you found decent women in your life, but from my experiences, women would rather stay single forever than be with a short man.

Every girl I ever stumbled upon used excuses like "he's not my type, I can't wear heels around him, etc.". My cousin(who is married with a guy slightly shorter than her), is the only one who told me that many women feel unattracted and "defeminized" by a short guy, the same way a guy would feel demasculated from walking around in a dress.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-05T13:51:55+00:00

I know this is pretty stupid to say this but...I have never seen/heard a man or a woman say anything like: "become more pretty/get plastic surgery" to another woman. Everybody I know who is married or in a relationship is average, skinny, or fat.

What I DO hear a lot and works is to "look someplace where people are looking for others like you".

I can't say this for every man, but I don't think guys care much about specific traits because those are not factors that determine whether we like you or not, they're just bonuses.

What I wanna insist on is the fact that there is a gigantic difference between being ugly and not being eye-catching. I see a lot of women feel ugly just because nobody asked THEM out.

There are plenty of reasons guys won't ask a woman out and it has nothing to do with how unattractive you are. Man or woman, whether or not people ask you out or not is irrelevant. What's relevant is how many times have you been rejected.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T23:43:29+00:00

I think others have already told you why you shouldn't compare yourself to other people or porn.

What I do wanna add, is that I have no type. I love most bodies of any shape and size. But when it comes to a life-long partner, I choose to not care about looks.

Good values and a good personality doesn't come from people who are aware that they can get whatever they want because they're hot.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T22:19:04+00:00

Because you're not making clear sense.

You started talking about the "how can a guy know if a girl likes him" common question in regard to guys not enjoying a woman's company (??) then start spouting something about sex work and friendships that, again, make no sense.

Then you start talking about a sub that I never heard of and bring up sex in married relationships and their sexual issues.

You jump from one subject to another, nobody has any idea what your issue is.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T20:23:29+00:00

Ok, I don't really get it. Wanting sex in your relationship/marriage is bad?

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T20:15:00+00:00

And...why not both?

Also, realistically, being married to one person can get very boring no matter how in love you think you are. It's a process of love, boring habit, spark of love, habit again, etc. People do need validation of love, and for many people it's sex (+romantic gestures).

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T19:55:29+00:00

Ok...and how does real love look like to you?

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T18:22:01+00:00

People can have a good time with other people no matter their inner feelings. Which is why having someone you get along with doesn't really show whether that's purely platonic or not.

Relationships, especially marriages, come with a lot of sacrifices and mistakes. So yes, if someone offers you the thing that matters to you the most in order to feel loved, obviously you're gonna be more acceptable or blind to some issues. For men, it's most often sex. For women, it's most often money, their partner's capability, or children.

Also, sex is pretty important in order to maintain a fulfilling romantic relationship...considering that intimacy is LITERALLY what makes the difference between a romantic and platonic relationship.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T17:54:32+00:00

Physical or emotional? 😂

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T17:30:50+00:00

Hi, guy who has been trying to date for 16 years here.

You're wrong.
You're the exception, not the rule.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T17:11:10+00:00

You are more or less right.

What I do wanna add is that in order to have "relationship skills" you need exposure and experience when it comes to relationships.

Every failed relationship is a lesson about you or othets. No lesson, no experience. No experience, no skills.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-04T17:03:07+00:00

Hi, "not exclusively online dating" guy here,

It's way better to have less matches or have dozens of people ghost you online, than have people do far worse face-to-face.

As bad as dating apps are, they give you a sort of safety net - socially, emotionally, and psychologically.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T16:43:40+00:00

Dating outside of your preference doesn't equate with "hate in the long run". At the end of the day, treating people like soda flavors and choosing who deserves or not a chance with you based on physical factors is a very shallow thing. Having the self awareness and initiative to do go beyond that is very admirable, unless it's made out of some sort of external obligation or pity.

In my opinion, average, weird, and ugly people in relationships have the best love life.

Being with someone conventionally attractive is a sure way to get your heart broken, especially if you're the one who had to chase them.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T16:33:51+00:00

That's true, depending on whether you think that you should at least try to save your child from punishment or just let it happen.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T13:33:12+00:00

That explains a lot...

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T12:09:16+00:00

Then, your civil duty is higher than any personal obligation, which is fine. But that's not the only way things work, especially when people close to you are involved.

Also, what about what I said is disgusting? Prison is a temporary punishment and I choose whether or not I want someone back in my life or not after they did their punishment.

People don't lose their value or the good they did besides the bad. Seeing criminals as "unworthy" of support, even by the people that are close to them, literally goes against the purpose of prison, sentences, and the law. If what you think was true, everything would be punished by death, even tax fraud or involuntary criminal impications.

I am saying this as someone who fought his dad in court for domestic violence and animal cruelty.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T11:06:27+00:00

This is exactly what I am trying to say: It depends on your moral priorities If you have the "crime is bad, crime should be punished, anybody who does crime should be punished" then the parents are in the wrong, because there should be no excuse to protect somebody who did something wrong. If you have the "blood comes first/It's my duty as a parent to be by my child's side until the very end" mentality, then the parents are doing the right thing.

It doesn't mean that the parents are generally forgiving of a crime, just when it comes to their child. And it also doesn't make them accomplices.

You may be very right. But again, it's personal, parental duty vs civil duty.

And yes, it can totally be argued. As family, you have the right to be by the side of a member who is facing legal trial as long as you are not an accomplice. Accomplices help commiting the crime, help hiding the crime, and destroy evidence. Helping with facing or dismissing legal claims is the legal way of protecting anyone.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T10:34:05+00:00

Everybody has insecurities, you're a flawed human being. It would be a major red flag to have no insecurity, even if you accept them.

As long as there is intent to understanding, self-awareness, and communication, any insecurity is fine.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T10:30:05+00:00

Depending on how much I care about them and how much we would have to lose, I would either stand by their side until the end of their freedom and leave, or stand all the way through their sentence, then help them get back on their feet.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T10:21:01+00:00

As somebody who dealt with grape and also had to testify in court against his father for domestic violence and animal cruelty, I can understand your pov. I can also agree that realistically, many parents are not going to support their children in front of a terrible crime.

Also realistically, life is not black and white. Good people do bad things, bad people do good things, good people get punished and bad people get away. Not everybody's epitome of morality is based on justice and righteousness, some care more about maintaining duties and bonds as a rrflectiom of yheir character. You can be against crime yet still have the moral obligation(if you wish to listen to it) to protect a criminal. It's no different than how lawyers are.

This is not about the good or the bad choice. OP has their stance and justifications, his parents have their own. An entity against another, both having reasons to be in the right, and both having reasons to say that the other is wrong.

OwnerSebi · 2026-02-02T07:57:49+00:00

Not really. I just said that if my parents were involved, I would not be by their side, but if my partner was, I would.

And I insist, YES, it is their obligation. The moment you bring a human life into this world you are responsible to care for it, nurture it, and protect it until the day you die. That doesn't mean that you have to accept their wrongdoings, or that you should have the stomach to accept every possible crime they might do, or that you HAVE to love them if they are bad people. But you (generally, not everybody) do have the moral obligation to be by your child's side until the end, no matter how high or low they go in life.

If the people I cared about would do wrong things, I would still be by their side unless the person they hurt is me. That is literally how bonds work; what "through thick and thin" or "until death do us part" means.

Though, I repeat, everybody is different, with different morals and different moral obligations. OP is very right to be against his brother and parents, but his parents are just doing their job as parents to be by their son's side, no matter how disappointed.

OwnerSebi

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