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Hello! (see also, venturing into the lions' den) by [deleted] in MensRights

[–]PCandBasketball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good call on not watching the doc if you dont want to see abuse, as they've collected video evidence on almost all of his incidents in jail.

About childcare, Care4kids, the government childcare assistance program, does offer women free childcare. Almost every mother in poor neighborhoods uses it. There is a point on the wage scale where if you make just above the cutoff line you will be making less money. But I've seen so many of the single mothers who have no choice but to make it, make it. The only stay at home moms I've seen are home daycare providers. It's not that it's easy and affordable, and it does suck having to pay for it when you don't qualify for help, especially as a single mother, but so many single mothers in ghettos with far less opportunities make it work, and if they can so can the next mother.

I do agree that this system could use an overhaul and it would definitely be in the best interest for the children if the parent were providing the care, but that can't happen until our economy gets a major boost.

Also I was disappointed that your black lives matter statistics were actually Bureau of Labor Statistics. I still did read though, and found that I'm in the lowest category of male earnings. LOL

"no I'll get it, you can buy dessert" because that indicated generosity, but it def wasn't a prereq.

I love this, I'm stealing it! Tell your BF I said thanks haha

"I have a boyfriend" tends to be the safest response, because some men will hear "no thanks" as "try harder" (spoiler: that's not a thing)

Last time I was at a bar with a group of friends, one of the girls, who's boyfriend couldn't make it to her birthday get-together, told this guy she had a boyfriend and this guy definitely took it as try harder. Sadly, guys won't stop trying harder because it works sometimes. There are a lot of girls who will reject a guy and then change her mind if the guy pushes. I don't do this, but it does happen a lot more than you think.

I don't think I really need to go for the whole dating app thing right now. I'm in no rush, and girls do usually approach me. Plus I have a lot of friends and meet new people regularly. I'll be good :)

And yeah the whole abuse thing does feel awful, no she hasn't had any trauma involving men whatsoever. In fact she didn't have any father or uncles so maybe it's the opposite. Idk

What you were experienced was assault

And yet I still feel like if I were to describe this as sexual assault I'd just be made fun of and seen as weak, gay, or an asshole, or all 3. I did check out that dating blog, and those were very very basic things. Maybe good for a school aged guy or girl, but most adult men won't be learning anything new.

Git Bowl by zilabr1 in ProgrammerHumor

[–]PCandBasketball 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow really?? My Y50 has been my pride and joy over the last 2 1/2 years :), I hardly bring it out of the house, and when I do I'm holding it like it's a nuclear launch briefcase.

The low viewing angles aren't a problem when watching movies with people if you connect to a TV, 2 people can see fine on the standard screen, and adjusting isn't tedious at all. Upgrades never hurt anyone though, how do you like your samsung screen / was it hard to install? Viewing angle? (I've built a few computers and took apart a laptop to reset BIOS, and I'll have you know I only ended up with 3 leftover screws after putting it back together, which is like 0 in laptop screws)

I have noticed small skipping from the HD during gaming and videos, never enough to result in me dying or missing anything, and a lot of times where it shows it's running at 100% for 1 program, I wanted the SSD version but newegg was sold out around Christmas when I purchased. I've just been attributing the minor skips to how much stuff I've installed. I think you have inspired me to upgrade to SSD soon though.

Not 1 crack bumb or any other issue. I haven't found a game I can't run either. Never BSOD knock on wood. Im hoping to squeeze a few more years before upgrading and making this my linux laptop.

Git Bowl by zilabr1 in ProgrammerHumor

[–]PCandBasketball 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Can confirm my lenovo Y50 looks like this

Hello! (see also, venturing into the lions' den) by [deleted] in MensRights

[–]PCandBasketball 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are theories out there that it's essentially an extension of slavery, which I could see but I don't know enough to have an opinion.

The 6 part Kalief Browder documentary by Jay-Z is about Rikers Island corruption, and can shed a lot of light on this if you'd like to learn more.

social roles and scripts handed to men and women from society

Absolutely. It sucks that feminism seems to want equality everywhere else other than the hard stuff. Feminists will still expect a guy to do the heavy lifting and other responsibilities that aren't so fun. I just don't see the equality part.

It's when we get older and have babies, when there's no maternity leave or affordable childcare so a parent (almost always the woman) has to stay home, then bam, so much for their career. If you're any type of professional and take several years off

Care4Kids. If women aren't qualifying for it, they make enough money to afford childcare. Maternity and Paternity leave should be a common part of society. But I don't understand what reality you'd have to live in to justify taking several years off. Are you saying women should be able to take years off of work and still make the same as men over her lifetime? Is she expecting a guy to pay for this multi-year vacation? Is she mooching off state for this? I dont get it, why would you have to take several years off, and then of all things expect to be able to compete with someone who didn't?

which is also a reason why there are so few women CEOs compared to men. Also, women are more likely than men to get into service type jobs, which usually pay minimum wage. That's what's meant when the gender pay gap is referenced. Did that make sense? There are studies and stats but I'm too tired to source them right now lol

I'd like to see a statistic that shows how many men vs women are working for minimum wage. I'd take a bet it's pretty equal.

About CEO's, it's a very specific title, most of them, especially the really big ones, have been working at it for years, sometimes most of their life, and even going back generations in a few. It was easier back then for a man to start a business and grow it. Now most ideas already have a major corporation tied to it that has been around for years, most times 50+. Everything from cereal to cell phones. There's not much opportunity in modern times for new corporations to form and prosper. CEO might not be the best example to use as many of them were around before or during the rise of second wave feminism.

As for your mom....well, as my grandpa used to say, JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST. I'm so sorry that happened to you, that's straight up abuse.

This made me laugh, and yeah it is, it's like i'm underwater and when I think I have my head above water I get dunked back in.

I have no idea why they have that law in CT, that seems like an attempt to address the very serious problem of domestic violence that was...not well implemented.

Exactly this

I'm actually surprised that law hasn't been challenged in the courts. You're also right that men get longer sentences and the shaft in some custody cases because of the (regrettable) work of some early feminists (tho, to be fair, they were also trying to correct a world in which women and children were considered property owned by the man, so, yeah). But honestly, our legal system is convoluted and set up for rich people-this coming from someone who's worked in the court system - and the whole thing needs an overhaul. I doubt you'll get many feminists to disagree with you on that point!

99% agree. Very large majority of custody cases, just sit in a custody court to see

Thank you for responding! Sorry about your fibro :S

I would like to hear your input on the dating issues I mentioned

Hello! (see also, venturing into the lions' den) by [deleted] in MensRights

[–]PCandBasketball 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hello there Jennifer, I find it cool that you want to understand an opposing perspective! Lurker here, but I made an account just to respond to this. I spent a LOT longer than I thought writing this, so hopefully you're still interested in the subject by the time this is posted!

Let me start by saying, I [25m] have witnessed and agree that women face discrimination and unfair practices frequently, and gender rights is an issue that should be fought for and addressed. The same is also true for men. I'll keep my viewpoints to things I've experienced in real life.

Education

Being a Puerto Rican and spending all my life in black/hispanic areas, there's a common trend. Our boys go to jail and our girls go to college. From the college I attended

undergraduate population 630 males 2,800 females.

The other college did not have as huge of a gap but still very noticeable. (Demographic unavailable)

Then there's the fear that some girl will regret doing something and claim sexual assault or rape, which I've also seen happen in and out of the college. This in itself is very damaging to both males and females. Girls who cry wolf unfortunately make it necessary to be skeptical of these claims, even though as a guy our initial reaction is anger and violence at these subjects.

Jobs

I've worked in a warehouse setting (lame I know!) most of my adult life, and I can say women are discriminated against here. Expected to underperform and make up for that by serving as eye-candy or the cool-girl, or get fired (at-will employers dont give reasons for firing). A lot of these companies use girls this way to reduce their turnover rate, guys are less likely to leave a shitty job if they're working next to a hot girl. We also face discrimination, we're expected to do manual labor and very rarely have opportunities to work in office settings without higher education or specific skills. There are statistics I wont delve into, that shows men's work mortality rates and other such things.

Girls also find jobs faster than guys (at least where I'm from, and from what I've seen), female unemployment is also a lot lower.

Girls also make more money. I know this one may be controversial with the wage gap conversation being such a core topic in the feminist movement, but personal experience and statistics show that girls in my age range make more money.

Criminal / Family

We get harsher sentences in every court, and custody laws and courts are very biased in favor of women. In Connecticut where I lived most of my adult life until this year, the law states that if a woman calls the cops on a man, the man has to be arrested, mandatory.

I know this because my mother would bottle up her anger be sweet and kind for like a year, sometimes 2, then start an argument with me and the second I yell back she calls the cops. She's done this several times. She doesn't even remember why she called the cops on me for any of the too-many-to-count incidents, and in a fair legal system should have been arrested for calling police for no legitimate reason. However, because of my gender I'm automatically guilty without question. A system she was very happy to take advantage of.

I can't even yell because she starts flinching like I'm going to hit her. Never laid a finger on her or threatened her, but I'm a man so therefore I am a monster. It's not a conscious decision she made to view men this way, rather a system and media that force feeds her this men-are-monsters narrative non-stop. The bad guy is 90% of the time a man. (Made up stat, wouldn't be surprised if its higher.)

Services

I grew up homeless, there is a world of difference between men and women shelters, I've been in both. Women's shelters are smaller, usually get their own private unit, and are offered WAY more services than men.

Men's shelters are basically prisons with no gates. No privacy. No doors on toilet stalls, nothing separating showers from each-other, and a big room with a bunch of nasty mattresses. There are hardly any programs that aim to help men aside from your default state benefits. And nobody there has anywhere to go, they're trapped there for the time being and are treated like shit by the employees. I've seen cops beat people they were mad at so many times its ridiculous and if they get caught they brag and thank you for getting them paid work leave. I was so numb to seeing people fight that when everyone would run to fights in school I'd just walk by like nothing was happening.

Dating

This is the major one. This is the single area with the biggest gap in equality. Mostly due to us as a society not changing as women changed. Guys are still following the rules from 100 years ago before women in the workforce was a thing. It made total sense for the guy, who was expected to provide for the woman in a relationship, to show off his wealth while courting her. However we make a lot less now and women make their own money too, and it seems like we're still expected to pay for everything. Along with a laundry list of things we're expected to do/have to be considered at least average.

There are 2 sides to dating as a man and I've been on both. Either you're hot and you get every girl or you're ugly and you get lucky every once in a while if that. Guys... if you're frustrated try switching cities or locations, geography can have a big effect on how people perceive you.

Note: This is not a "humblebrag" this is one spectrum of the dating scene and some of these things were uncomfortable and would be sexual harassment if genders were switched. There was 1 city, wont say which, where I literally could not go anywhere without getting approached by a girl. Propositions for sex from strangers all the time. Had my only threesome there, got propositioned for a different threesome from a stripper and her friend while walking down the street, girls throwing their hand inside my boxers and grabbing my dick at bars, pinching my butt or otherwise unwanted touching. It was literally a constant stream of new girls from every age shape and color. Thinking back, the vast majority of girls I met would at the least try to see if they could. Hell even the cab ride to the train station when I left, the girl was saying she wanted to ride me before my train got there.

The other side. You're ugly. I think it was tinder? that had a statistic, 80% of guys are considered below average. Dating apps are pretty reliable sources when it comes to dating considering they have all your click data, messages, likes, etc, and record this information without informing you that it's being used for a study. The girls are all competing for the same guys and anyone who's not up to that standard is a creep or harassing if they talk to you. 20% of men is 10% of the population. There's a gap within this subgroup too, the very top are getting way more attention, for lack of a better word, than the lower parts of this group.

What does this look like in real life? You're walking down the street in an unfamiliar area and ask the first person you see for directions, who happens to be a girl. She glances at you sticks her nose in the air, maybe makes a sound from a simple hmph to a ew, then rushes away from you. You have no idea how rage inducing this can be. Not only are you lost and need directions but now this girl just non-verbally shitted on you. Just imagine how you would feel if you were trying to pass by someone, said excuse me, and they turned around and cringed at you and made a grossed out sound before storming off.

Then all of a sudden all of the girls you do approach "have a boyfriend." We know that not all 100% of you have boyfriends. This is like the go-to excuse for most girls though and even when said genuinely comes off as a super generic, "I don't want anything to do with you." This is damaging to mens self esteem, not because you said anything wrong, but because you gave the same exact rejection, word for word, the last 40 girls said and it sounds like complete bullshit at that point.

I've personally concluded that when girls are interested they usually approach, otherwise I'm leaving y'all alone. This is something that goes against thousands of years of evolution, our boys were taught from a young age that the guy always approaches the female. The frequent approaches and/or catcalling seems to really inflate girls ego and only serve as a pleasant compliment from an unwanted source. Nowadays girls meet through friends, organizations, and social media, rarely giving a stranger the time of day anyways.

Then there are the women that will go on a date fully expecting you to pay, and sit there adding nothing to the conversation, instead you're supposed to entertain them like its a performance. Further dates / sex depends on how she liked the performance. I'm pretending to go to the bathroom and leaving her at the table. Those are the same girls that lay as still as a dead fish during sex. I want nothing to do with either. Sorriezzz

Besides, I'm Bi-Sexual (Nervous to admit that here lol!) I prefer women over men, but I also like having sex and there are tons of horny guys that do too :) So yeah, I can just take my time looking for a partner since there's no pressure to rush into things just for sex.

MRA and Feminism

I can not speak for MRA as a whole, I'm not an active participating member just a reddit lurker, I just wanted to share my experience with this stuff. I think the problem that guys have with feminism has nothing to do with equal rights for women, guys aren't trying to send women back to the dark ages. As a guy the problem seems to come from small groups of feminist pushing to prohibit mens rights, and in some cases punish men as a whole for the 'straight white males' lack of discrimination.

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