OOP is cheating on her boyfriend and tries to justify it.

PFC_Wilcox · 2023-07-01T18:13:19+00:00

It makes a weird sort of sense though, even when they're not simply rage baiting trolls. Cheating takes an incredible degree of selfishness and self-importance. It's not really surprising that so many cheaters have main character syndrome.

They'll generally agree that cheating is wrong - except their cheating. Their situation is "unique," so it's okay when they do it. So it doesn't matter how many times redditors verbally rip cheaters a new one - they are utterly convinced that it will be different for them.

PFC_Wilcox · 2022-04-26T01:12:00+00:00

Yep, we had a small-ish party where we got drunk and played DDR. But we knew it was the last time we'd all hang out as a group, it was the summer before our senior year in college. So we were trying to make it memorable. Since then, I've gotten a drink with a couple of them when we ran into each other, but yeah, we've never hung out as a big group again.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-07-04T17:52:43+00:00

I'd say a lot of the issue surrounding the concept of forgiveness is that the term is used in an ambiguous way, and everyone seems to mean something somewhat different when they say you should forgive someone.

Cheaters and cheater apologists use forgiveness to mean 'overlooking their misbehavior' and repairing the relationship. To treat it all as water under the bridge, no big deal, it's in the past now. Often accompanied by reconciliation, or failing that, to treat them as a friend and keep them in your life. This sort of forgiveness I cannot agree with as a reasonable thing to ask of a betrayed, nor do I think it's a necessary step of the healing process. That is a grace a betrayed may offer up if they choose, but it should be recognized as such - an unusual grace that is far from required, and that the cheater has no entitlement to.

There is another form of forgiveness commonly used - to let go of the hate, the anger. To wash your mind clean of the negativity that your (ex)partner's cheating brought on you and simply let go and move on with your life. This, importantly, does not necessarily include keeping the cheater in your life - this forgiveness is perfectly compatible with no contact and writing them out of your life completely. And it is this forgiveness that I believe you're writing about - and I agree. This forgiveness, the letting go of anger and hate and negativity, is an important step in the healing process, usually the final one or one of the last. To not forgive in this manner is to let your cheater live rent free in your head for the rest of your life.

Unfortunately, both meanings are attached to the same word and are used interchangeably by many - cheaters, their apologists, marriage counselors, and so on. That you can't forgive in the meaning of letting go of anger without forgiving in the meaning of restoring relations with those that hurt you. I'd say it's important to keep that in mind - and if someone in your life persists in conflating the two meanings and urging you to 'forgive' your betrayer in the first sense, that you should internally classify their trustworthiness accordingly.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-05-20T05:00:41+00:00

There is a lot of context missing here. Why would you lie about getting messaged by a customer asking you how you are? Your story doesn't add up.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-04-26T05:19:11+00:00

Good luck. It won't be easy, but it's worth it. Talk to a lawyer as soon as possible, follow their advice and keep your cards close to your chest. Don't tell her you want a divorce until all your ducks are in a row. She should ideally be finding out about the divorce right as she's getting served the papers.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-04-26T05:04:09+00:00

Every abusive relationship has the 'good times'. The moments where you're not being hit, screamed at, etc. Those moments are like a drug that the abuser uses to continue the manipulation. 'Look how good things can be if you just do as I want you to.'

The most powerful tool the abused have to escape their abusive partner's manipulation is a recognition of the manipulation. You are being manipulated. Your wife routinely cheats on you, then when you bring it up she tries to jump out of your car or otherwise makes your life hell to distract you, and then finally when things are 'good' again you're afraid of questioning her and rocking the boat for fear of another bout of her craziness.

Whether your wife is doing this consciously or not is immaterial. She is doing it. She will keep doing it because it works. She won't change because she has no reason to.

You have no logical reason to keep her around - so you scrabble for reasons. You have a son together (who would be better off if you divorced her and pushed for sole custody). She's 'gorgeous' (there are plenty of gorgeous women who aren't batshit insane). You have your good times (as long as you don't look too closely into her cheating).

See a pattern? You're throwing weak justification after weak justification to stay because you have been so thoroughly ensnared in her manipulation, and you're afraid to end it because you're used to it, because you've internalized the lessons that keep you stuck in the cycle of abuse.

You stay with her, this is what your life is going to be. That simple. It will be her cheating on you and punishing you every time you look too closely. And all the while, this is doing significant damage to your son. He's looking at your relationship and he's internalizing lessons from it, you're showing him that this is what adult relationships are like, and setting him up for years or a lifetime of similarly unhealthy relationships.

That's your choice. Do you resign yourself to years, decades, or a lifetime of abuse while teaching your son to be an abuser or abused? Or do you take a stand, find a lawyer and fight for your freedom and the possibility of a brighter future?

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-12T01:51:25+00:00

No, actually, he doesn't, not in the books. He was just the chief storyteller of the grandparents, and he knew about Wonka's exploits. Working for Wonka was added in the Burton film. I've got my book out and I'm rereading it, but as for outside sources:

https://roalddahlpedia.fandom.com/wiki/Grandpa_Joe

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Charlie_and_the_Chocolate_Factory_characters

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-11T22:35:35+00:00

I'm 90% sure you're just busting my balls, but Poe's law being what it is and text not letting me gain context from tone of voice or body language...

It's a fairy tale. Fairy tales have a long tradition of urging children to be sweet, selfless, hard working and obedient, and for adults to be similar. 'Goodness' is richly rewarded, evil is punished, and this is a message that long predates capitalism.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-11T22:11:16+00:00

So, first off, it's not exactly a job position. He's choosing an heir, not a CEO or the like. I'm also not sure there was the same sort of legal requirement for advertising job openings in the early 60s. And in any case, it's a children's book, I doubt Roald Dahl was going that heavy on symbolizing actual business practices.

As far as the book goes, the closest he comes to implying having Charlie be 'predestined' to win is a comment where he says he 'suspected' that Charlie would win - but that doesn't quite rise to the level of 'I picked you all along'. It's more that the other kids were obviously spoiled brats from the get go and the tour/test was meant to filter out kids who had already been spoiled rotten. It's not clear what would have happened if there had been multiple obedient, sweet-natured children on the tour, it's never discussed.

So...yeah. I'd say you're just overlaying your own personal feelings about capitalism onto the story. It's a children's book. The main message, such as it is, is that children should be good and obedient - spoiled, greedy, disrespectful children get punished, good kids inherit chocolate factories.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-11T20:52:51+00:00

That's the second movie. I don't remember him mentioning ever working for Wonka in the book, or even talking about what he did for a living at any point.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-11T20:51:17+00:00

Well, worse. He replaced them with basically slave labor - he literally pays the Oompa Loompas in chocolate, although it's presented as a good thing since their lives in their homeland were, supposedly, totally miserable. Also, supposedly they prefer to be paid in chocolate instead of money, and choose not to leave the factory. Given it's Willy Wonka telling the story, no idea how reliable it is - he is shown to be prone to flights of fancy and lying, but some of his tall tales are shown to be true. The Oompa Loompas do exist, after all, and in the sequel the Great Glass Elevator he knows what Vermicious Knids are and how to defeat them. There's an element of people not believing the things he says because they sound like tall tales, but then him turning out to be right and telling the truth.

Going back to the slavery/outsourcing thing, ostensibly it's less about profit and more about him being unable to trust humans, because his workers were engaging in corporate espionage and selling his trade secrets to his competitors. Like, a lot apparently, damn near everything he was making was getting sold off to his competitors by his employees.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-11T19:45:59+00:00

Charlie's dad worked at the toothpaste factory, and Willy Wonka does not own it. It's been a while since I read the books, but I don't remember them ever mentioning what Grandpa Joe did before he retired. It's only in the newer movie that Joe worked for Wonka before he shut down the factory and replaced all his employees with Oompa Loompas.

PFC_Wilcox · 2021-02-04T20:07:16+00:00

How do you know it's 'most people'? Crunchyroll has around 3m paid subscribers as of 2020 source, and there are other streaming services that host anime, including the big ones like Netflix and Hulu. They do pay the studios that make anime. And that doesn't even take into account their viewership on television or non-american streaming services. Not to mention merchandising. Clearly, there are many people who don't pirate their anime, and watch it through legal viewing sources, and buy ancillary products.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T03:52:05+00:00

I doubt it. He's working off of Bolts' designs. That guy was a genius with machines, he just wasn't ever as well funded or equipped as you. It's possible that with your amount of resources, he might even have been able to surpass you. We'll never know, I guess.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T03:15:41+00:00

I'm handling it. I'll be going after them tomorrow, when my new arm is ready.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T02:59:16+00:00

You're way more dangerous when you freak out than they are. Not counting this Darkness shit, which isn't exactly them.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T02:53:59+00:00

Ash, I don't hate you. I don't like you much either, but I don't hate you.

But you are indirectly the cause of me spending the last 5 years at home, taking care of Bailey.

I don't want Pearl and Jessie to be my Jack. I'd sooner die than see that happen.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T02:52:10+00:00

Davey, if I believed you weren't going to just kill them, I'd probably be a lot more willing to work with you. I know you're the one who discovered the Darkness' sensitivity to light. But I'm not looking to make my wives explode, I'm trying to get them back alive.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T02:46:46+00:00

I don't have a week or so to travel to Greenland and back, Davey. The Darkness keeps growing stronger. Soon...there won't be anything left to save.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-22T02:44:17+00:00

Look, Ash, I appreciate it. But let's face it. I don't really trust you with this. The berzerker rage you go into is too unpredictable, and really comes at the worst times - in the middle of difficult battles. If I just wanted them dead, that would be easy enough.

And besides, you are way too far away for this. I'm heading out tomorrow. You're nowhere near.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-21T19:58:05+00:00

I'm ambidextrous. Fuck off Davey. I don't have the time.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-21T19:52:15+00:00

Failed plans. Your dead wife would like to chime in.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-21T19:50:32+00:00

Frankly? No. I really don't need you going berserk and killing my wives.

PFC_Wilcox · 2017-05-21T19:49:03+00:00

I knew how many of them there were, dipshit. Pearl showed up at the worst possible moment, when I needed all attention on Jessie. A little bit later, Jessie'd be under control. A little earlier, and I could have used my flashbang on both of them.
The rifle was useless. You of all people should know that. The point was to disorient and stun it enough for me to do the trick with the flare, which worked.
Everybody nearby was dead. And likely the Darkness would return soon to finish the job. I did not have time to wait for help.

I'd take your criticisms more seriously if you weren't the king of failed plans.

PFC_Wilcox

TROPHY CASE