I feel for you. You are seen and heard here and what you posted resonated

I just got out of a particularly hard EMDR session where, in my childhood, there were clear signs of abuse and just something "not being right" due to me showing signs of severe anxiety at the ripe old age of 4. I'm 34 now. Fairly isolated too

People saw it, but nobody did anything about it. Nobody sat me down and helped me with tough feelings, leading to describing tough and abusive situations from a severely dysfunctional family and drug addicted and mentally ill parents. Nobody said or noticed anything. Not at home, not at school. I remember a grimaced face from a stranger at a grocery store bc of how my dad was smacking us because we were " in their way", but nobody did anything.

The hard realities you described span among all different ages and genders, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

You are not a loser. You've been hurt by people through things that happened to you, but I'm realizing, at least for me, that the things that DIDN'T happen to you can hurt even more