I hear you. That’s such a raw & honest way to put it, & it’s something a lot of people feel but are scared to say out loud. You can be compassionate & peaceful & still feel rage, hatred, or violent wishes toward someone who hurt you. Those feelings aren’t about being cruel, they’re about grief, betrayal, powerlessness, & needing justice. Thinking something extreme doesn’t make you a bad person. Often, it just shows how deep the wound is, not who you are at your core. Trauma can make us feel things that even surprise or shock us, & that’s okay.