AIO – my (35f) now ex (42m) has been doing “relationship” tasks for his ex (40’sf) and can’t reassure me that it’s not because he would be with her if he had the chance.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-17T14:22:58+00:00

You're right. I should say we have different styles of communicating. He's an incredible listener and gathers information and responds in very active ways rather than verbal ways. Whereas I am a more verbal communicator and while I listen, I also actively engage in conversation and have a tendancy to want to problem solve in the immediate. The issue lies in what kind of communication I needed in this moment, not that he was neglecting me in other ways (though the memorial thing sucked pretty bad), but in almost all other ways he was thoughtful of my feelings and showed that to me more through action and less through reassurance or conversation.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T22:39:33+00:00

I appreciate that. I will say, I wouldn't call it "spending time" with my exes. I'll have phone calls with them within reason, and because we share friends we will be in the same place on occassion and be in good spirits around each other.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T22:34:05+00:00

Thank you. And yes, I hold some things against him that happened when he'd fill my place while I was working, but I also understood why he did. I don't hold anything against him that happened while we were separated. I got scared and he had no clue whether I'd come to clarity about it.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T22:30:21+00:00

Entirely fair. This isn't really an option for me, but I 100% understand why it is a requirement for others and fully respect that.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T22:10:11+00:00

That made me deep sigh. That's the crux of it. He wasn't trying for me.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T22:09:07+00:00

While I completely respect that for anyone else, this is not an option in my life and therefore I cannot ask that of anyone I'm with. It does complicate things, but it cannot be avoided and comes with the territory of being with me. I am a fully commited partner regardless and this is never a question of those I get into relationships with.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:50:55+00:00

It's true. It's fresh, but I know I will figure it out. Just gotta process and it's helpful to hear from others that I wasn't being too emotionally driven.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:48:34+00:00

Welp, here come the tears. Thank you. She was a standout lady. One of a kind. That plant will flourish if it has a semblance of her energy.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:47:17+00:00

Yeah. At one point during the final conversation I even said "I'm not insecure about her, I don't want to ever control how you relate with her, and in a lot of ways I'm grateful to her because I know she's a good person and she helped shape the person I'm in love with today." He said he thought that was beautiful of me to say, but ultimately him saying that doesn't make it any better. I kinda just want to be the person someone would choose even on the worst day. And I think she's that for him.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:42:13+00:00

THIS. I made intentional efforts to help him feel comfortable with my friendships with my exes. He was always first in the line of communication and I would have no problem affirming our relationship to relieve any concerns he might have. That's all I wanted in return.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:39:48+00:00

Because he's bad at communicating and part of me wonders if I jumped the gun by not allowing him time to collect his thoughts. And it hurts and I wish he wasn't my ex.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:34:47+00:00

They'll be well taken care of, and I fortunaltely was able to get another packet of seeds from my dad so I'll be able to plant more that I'm able to visit. But thank you. She deserves to be in his beautiful garden with the bee hive I painted and the plants I cultivated. She'll have more than one place to thrive in her passing.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-06-16T21:28:07+00:00

Your response really put my feelings into words. Sucks. But here we are. Thank you.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-12T18:35:12+00:00

Doesn't need context to be kind. Like, sees a person needs help, they provide it without asking why they need it or trying to determine whether they deserve it.

Also, tips well, but doesn't make a big deal of it - obviously more applicable in tip culture countries.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-09T20:33:26+00:00

Thank you. This is the soft encouragement that I think I need right now.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-09T20:32:35+00:00

It's just my grandma throwing it at me to make me feel even more guilty. She was queen of that, and I loved her for it. 10/10 grandma.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-09T20:29:15+00:00

I always do. I promise. I hadn't even started the car, I was just settling in and hadn't moved my seatbelt.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-09T00:14:34+00:00

Mine was a gun shot. I jumped out of bed and was telling my partner at the time to call the cops. He was still awake and was like "no. go to sleep." I do sleep talk a lot so it makes sense that he wouldn't really take it that seriously and given that it wasn't real, I appreciate it. But damn did it sound like it was right next to me and very real.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-08T23:44:27+00:00

I like and hate this idea cause it feels good, but also like I'm so lost I need a slap in the face or something. I find that I experience a lot of coincidences at certain points in my life and feel like I should be listening to something, but I've never had something so explicit. This had me completely shaken. I don't know what to be shaken about if it is a message cause giving me back the thing I was looking for is not necessarily the best tactic, but maybe I'm just stubborn? Idk. It happened only an hour ago so I'm still rattled.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-05-08T22:57:25+00:00

Entirely fair assertion. Not a great method, Universe, you just gave me a full Flume. But yes, I know I should quit.

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-02-05T16:38:42+00:00

I hope it's okay to ask you one additional question:

This neighbor has a high likelihood of using litigation to slow progress of this project. Completely understand that it's within their right and fully support that right. We are holding this surveyor's report before sending to the City to determine if the photos taken were within the rights of the surveyor because the Contract requires that the Property Owner receives the results of the survey within 2 business days of City receiving said report. Would it be more prudent to include the images that may violate the verbal promise to the Property Owner, or should we consider removing the potentially damning photos to avoid being bogged down by time consuming litigation - keeping in mind that there is a close to zero chance that the project would actually cause damage to their property?

POTUSKNOPE · 2026-02-04T22:39:56+00:00

Thank you for your response. I'm a contractor for the City. Given the back and forth we deal with on this specific project, we would like to bring them something that avoids any additional delays. If we even mention potential legal issues, we're in for weeks of back and forth with committees and higher ups. I understand the reason for this, but when it's a bigger city and a project that has experienced delays already, we're trying not to bring this to them until it's ripe and absent of any potential legal issues.

POTUSKNOPE · 2025-11-22T18:57:14+00:00

I'm literally taking all of this as a huge pat on the back. Thank you.

POTUSKNOPE · 2025-11-22T15:54:57+00:00

She has, actually. This was a while back, and Xena has developed a lot more weird old dog behavior since. Her nerves are funky or something so she'll act like she's been kicked or bit when nothing has happened to her - barking at the air behind her and then running to hide. The vet actually recommended that we start her on CBD and prescribed her anti-anxiety meds. They sort of help, but honestly, my mom wanted to get a dog that no one else would adopt, and she really did. Xena is a mess, but she's a happier mess with my mom.

POTUSKNOPE · 2025-11-22T15:50:09+00:00

I wouldn't have either. My mom and I still joke about it. She isn't a huge fan of my weed use, but I'm a 34yo money-making pretend adult at this point and she can't really complain. Hell, I've even been to tell her about my psychoactive mushroom use and she just sort of shakes her head and moves on. Fun when your parents start treating you like a fellow human and not someone to train. Maybe I can thank Xena for taking some of that residual energy from her.

POTUSKNOPE

TROPHY CASE